The Student Room Group

a friend kinda ruined a band for me

so this is just a bit of a random rant, and yes i know iTs JuSt MuSiC but it's still important to me

so story time, i used to be like best friends with this girl for a reeeaaallly long time and we were both obsessed with this band, we would always listen to their music, and spend hours talking about how good their latest album is, and we always listened to the walking home from school together and tbh those were the happiest moments of my life - long story short she went absolutely mental at me for something that was her fault and got her friends to bully me to the point i would skip school when i actually kinda liked it, however since we started college, we’re sort of friends, but no where near as close as we used to be, her personality has completely changed, like a whole different person (not in a bad way or anything) - we’ve moved on from this, this is just context for my problem

what i’m trying to get at is ever since we stopped being friends, i could barely listen to this band again, i would always get upset, and she managed to get tickets to see them loads of times when i couldn't afford them, and she used to tease me horribly for it all the time; the main thing is i can’t even walk home the same way as i used to with her anymore as it just reminds me of all the fun we used to have, also, i still like the bands music, but i haven’t listened to their new stuff they’ve released in the past year, i tell myself it’s coz i just don’t like their new music and the fans are so annoying, but i know it’s because it makes me upset, and this sounds the most stupid, but i feel most like a fake fan when trying to listen to their music, i've still got the band's posters in my room, but i've sort of blocked anything to do with this band from every other aspect of my life

basically, what i’m trying to say is does anyone know how i can start listening to the music again and get back in the whole fandom and not have to think about the awful experiences i had at high school? like i kinda need someone to tell me how to enjoy their music again :'(

(pls don't say anything about me being friends with this girl - i know she's a horrible person and i'm not reliant on her at all anymore)
(edited 3 years ago)
Original post by icemaster69
so this is just a bit of a random rant, and yes i know iTs JuSt MuSiC but it's still important to me

so story time, i used to be like best friends with this girl for a reeeaaallly long time and we were both obsessed with this band, we would always listen to their music, and spend hours talking about how good their latest album is, and we always listened to the walking home from school together and tbh those were the happiest moments of my life - long story short she went absolutely mental at me for something that was her fault and got her friends to bully me to the point i would skip school when i actually kinda liked it, however since we started college, we’re sort of friends, but no where near as close as we used to be, her personality has completely changed, like a whole different person (not in a bad way or anything) - we’ve moved on from this, this is just context for my problem

what i’m trying to get at is ever since we stopped being friends, i could barely listen to this band again, i would always get upset, and she managed to get tickets to see them loads of times when i couldn't afford them, and she used to tease me horribly for it all the time; the main thing is i can’t even walk home the same way as i used to with her anymore as it just reminds me of all the fun we used to have, also, i still like the bands music, but i haven’t listened to their new stuff they’ve released in the past year, i tell myself it’s coz i just don’t like their new music and the fans are so annoying, but i know it’s because it makes me upset, and this sounds the most stupid, but i feel most like a fake fan when trying to listen to their music, i've still got the band's posters in my room, but i've sort of blocked anything to do with this band from every other aspect of my life

basically, what i’m trying to say is does anyone know how i can start listening to the music again and get back in the whole fandom and not have to think about the awful experiences i had at high school? like i kinda need someone to tell me how to enjoy their music again :'(

(pls don't say anything about me being friends with this girl - i know she's a horrible person and i'm not reliant on her at all anymore)


Sounded like a rough time you went through. Anyway, as cheesy and cliché as it sounds, just remember all the fun memories you had with those songs. As you’ve said you’ve always liked them but it sounds like now you don’t want to listen to them as they’ve been associated with bad memories. I’m not a psychologist, but especially in this time it’s important to view everything in a much more positive manner and focus on happy memories, something which I should also take note of. Music has been a huge part for me, as it’s gotten me through so many horrible times and experiences.

All in all, next time you listen to them, maybe not all of their songs at once, but step by step, try and remember at least 2 or 3 positive memories you’ve had with them. Hopefully that’s good advice.

Best wishes.
Original post by Shiba1838
Sounded like a rough time you went through. Anyway, as cheesy and cliché as it sounds, just remember all the fun memories you had with those songs. As you’ve said you’ve always liked them but it sounds like now you don’t want to listen to them as they’ve been associated with bad memories. I’m not a psychologist, but especially in this time it’s important to view everything in a much more positive manner and focus on happy memories, something which I should also take note of. Music has been a huge part for me, as it’s gotten me through so many horrible times and experiences.

All in all, next time you listen to them, maybe not all of their songs at once, but step by step, try and remember at least 2 or 3 positive memories you’ve had with them. Hopefully that’s good advice.

Best wishes.

thank you so much :smile: i think i’ll try to find other good memories to associate the songs with - not just memories of other people
Reply 3
Time helps. Clichéd, but true
Life is all about change. Sometime it will be painful for reasons only really understood by the one in question.

Music often reminds me of absent friends, moments both beautiful and ugly, places I have been and the person I was at the time. Music you have enjoyed will find you again. I have found that as I have moved on, the soundtrack to the moment has changed to reflect that. Singers or groups once dismissed have now become the current 'soundtrack of my life'. New artists have been exciting discoveries as life continues to change.

Some once loved acts and singers I remember fondly, but their significance has diminished with time. But maybe in the future.... who knows?

Reflecting on and mourning for the passing of important times, only natural. This band you speak of are a milestone (as I understand your comments) and will wait for you to come back to them. That said, discovering new music is something I enjoy, why not explore some new directions and you might be richly rewarded.

I have, several times.

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