Boyfriend doesn’t get on with my new housemates

We’ve been going through a tough time with me leaving for uni, and despite my best efforts, and what he claims are his, he hasn’t got any kind of relation with my flatmates, some of which I’m moving in with in September. I’ve expressed that I wouldn’t feel comfortable bringing him to the house if he doesn’t get on with them, as their comfort in their own home is a priority. Due to a few hiccups during the course of our relationship I also don’t want to bring him on nights out (we’re both terrible when we drink) and if we fight (for whatever reason) I don’t want to bring it back to the house.

What kind of compromise can I make? I don’t want to force him into a situation with my housemates where they all dislike him but I don’t want to not see him at all. It’s all really rocky at the moment and I really want to try and make it work when I go back.

Reply 1

Anonymous #2

In what sense doesn't he get along with them? In a direct/active sense or indirect/passive sense? And, what do THEY think of him? What do they tell you about him?

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Original post by Anonymous

In what sense doesn't he get along with them? In a direct/active sense or indirect/passive sense? And, what do THEY think of him? What do they tell you about him?

They’ve been there to pick up the pieces when we’ve fought (if I’ve been visibly upset), but when he first came to visit he flat out refused to go meet everyone and since then he hasn’t really taken any interest, he relies really heavily on me to include him and I struggled with that as well but I didn’t think he made the effort even when the ball was rolling. The others say they’re not really keen (they’d never be rude to him! I’m moving into a house with 3 other girls) because he didn’t seem to put the effort to get to know anyone, and obviously while they’ve heard the good they’ve also seen some of the bad if I’ve been upset and they’re not happy about that.

~OP

Reply 3

harrysbar

Original post by Anonymous

To be blunt, it sounds like a toxic relationship. I would really think carefully about whether this is the sort of relationship you want to be in for the rest of your life, being with someone who struggles to take an interest in other people or be consistently nice - even to you.

Uni is a good time to meet new people - just saying.

Reply 4

Dunnig Kruger

harrysbar is spot on.

By far the best compromise you can make isn't even a compromise. It's a decision.

It's a decison to dump your buyfriend's anti-social, overly hurtful towards you, overly negative backside.

And for you to enjoy a full social life with the people you live with as well as all the other great friends that you've met at uni - once Coronavirus blows over. And in the course of your fully active social life you will meet plenty of young men that will be far better boyfriends for you than your current one.

Your housemates are ten times better than him.

At the moment you are settling for a 3rd rate boyfriend. It'll be time after Covid 19 that you got yourself the first rate boyfriend that you deserve.

Reply 5

mgi

Original post by Anonymous

Not the right guy for you. You are wasting each other's time. Toxic relationship. Yiu could look at uni for someone else.

slap his face

Thank you all for your replies! I haven’t seen him since the start of the lockdown and I’m really hesitant to break up until we can see each other again. We did talk about it and we’ve spoken on the phone since about ways we can sort it but I was upfront and told him that I didn’t feel like I could bring him up there. I feel like he didn’t really take any responsibility or commit to trying to form a relationship with them for me, and didn’t take much responsibility when I brought him up on it recently. I almost feel like I’ve answered my own question but I wanted to hear it from someone unbiased too!