Am I overreacting?

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 year ago
#1
Last night, a guy that I have unrequited feelings for suddenly dropped on me that he's seeing another girl. I am obviously not annoyed at the fact he's met someone else (upset, yes) but in the way, he told me (in front of all our friends, less than two weeks after I told him how I felt) and how he reacted afterward.

He just had no empathy or sympathy when I told him I was upset, it's like he doesn't even care about me as a friend. He said it's my own fault that I'm upset because he's been clear about how he feels, he has nothing to apologize for, that I shouldn't care. He said that just because I've developed feelings (we were friends with benefits before) I'm playing him to look like a bad person and to make it look like he used me, when all I've done is told him how I feel about him. He's also claiming that I have a fantasy of us being together in my head, that I need to get over, when I don't. Yes, I have feelings but I understand we will never be together. I told him to put myself in my position and he said that he'd get over his feelings and move on, but what does he think I'm trying to do? He hasn't respected the space I asked for (he kept messaging me because he said that me asking to cut me off for a few months was too 'harsh') And the last time I tried to move on, he manipulated me into ending it. His words have really hurt me and he's made me feel absolutely terrible about having these feelings I can't control. It's made me question our entire friendship. Am I overreacting or was he wrong to say those things? And am I wrong for not getting over these feelings in the space for two weeks as he seems to think I should've done?

PS. Sorry I posted a similar thread last night, I just had more to add today
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Anonymous #2
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Report 1 year ago
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Well atleast you added more context today. Its quite clear now that you need to find a new set of friends. If you don't you will not get over him and you'll probably feel worse. I suggest getting a therapist. Tell him to stop messaging you. If he can't respect that boundary you place then block him after that. You probably won't take my advice..girs never do.. and they end up getting hurt more lol..when it is avoidable. Phantom1571
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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 1 year ago
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Well atleast you added more context today. Its quite clear now that you need to find a new set of friends. If you don't you will not get over him and you'll probably feel worse. I suggest getting a therapist. Tell him to stop messaging you. If he can't respect that boundary you place then block him after that. You probably won't take my advice..girs never do.. and they end up getting hurt more lol..when it is avoidable. Phantom1571
I have been thinking about going back to a counsellor, I think my friends get fed up of hearing about it haha.

Thank you for your advice - I think I'll unfriend him, he's causing me more pain than happiness atm
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Anonymous #2
#4
Report 1 year ago
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It it cost's your peace.. It's too expensive... your future self will thank you! Plenty of fish in the sea... you're most likely to find true love later in life...with a guy who's got his **** sorted with a career a stable job and is looking for a partner to share experiences with by travelling abroad. Don't waste your time.. it'll be a big joke in the future and you'll look back and laugh!
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Report 1 year ago
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Last night, a guy that I have unrequited feelings for suddenly dropped on me that he's seeing another girl. I am obviously not annoyed at the fact he's met someone else (upset, yes) but in the way, he told me (in front of all our friends, less than two weeks after I told him how I felt) and how he reacted afterward.

He just had no empathy or sympathy when I told him I was upset, it's like he doesn't even care about me as a friend. He said it's my own fault that I'm upset because he's been clear about how he feels, he has nothing to apologize for, that I shouldn't care. He said that just because I've developed feelings (we were friends with benefits before) I'm playing him to look like a bad person and to make it look like he used me, when all I've done is told him how I feel about him. He's also claiming that I have a fantasy of us being together in my head, that I need to get over, when I don't. Yes, I have feelings but I understand we will never be together. I told him to put myself in my position and he said that he'd get over his feelings and move on, but what does he think I'm trying to do? He hasn't respected the space I asked for (he kept messaging me because he said that me asking to cut me off for a few months was too 'harsh') And the last time I tried to move on, he manipulated me into ending it. His words have really hurt me and he's made me feel absolutely terrible about having these feelings I can't control. It's made me question our entire friendship. Am I overreacting or was he wrong to say those things? And am I wrong for not getting over these feelings in the space for two weeks as he seems to think I should've done?

PS. Sorry I posted a similar thread last night, I just had more to add today
I don't think you are wrong at all, if he's made his position clear he has to give you the space you ask for to get over it- he doesn't respect you enough. You can't get over someone you actually like in 2 weeks, you can certainly move on swiftly once you focus on other things- but to do that he has to stop interfering. Manipulating and guilting you is unfair, he may a bit guilty himself if you're friends thats why he's having a go at you, and asserting he has nothing to apologise for. But even as a friend.. saying it in front of others is not cool and really insensitive.

I think you should remember to keep your self respect and dignity, accept your feelings for him without guilt, and also allow yourself to move on now by realising he is not right for you. You will have plenty of other crushes, and the friends worth keeping probably don't do this so forget about it all and think about how much better your life/social circle can be that you deserve.
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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 1 year ago
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(Original post by leopard202)
I don't think you are wrong at all, if he's made his position clear he has to give you the space you ask for to get over it- he doesn't respect you enough. You can't get over someone you actually like in 2 weeks, you can certainly move on swiftly once you focus on other things- but to do that he has to stop interfering. Manipulating and guilting you is unfair, he may a bit guilty himself if you're friends thats why he's having a go at you, and asserting he has nothing to apologise for. But even as a friend.. saying it in front of others is not cool and really insensitive.

I think you should remember to keep your self respect and dignity, accept your feelings for him without guilt, and also allow yourself to move on now by realising he is not right for you. You will have plenty of other crushes, and the friends worth keeping probably don't do this so forget about it all and think about how much better your life/social circle can be that you deserve.
Thank you for responding I think it definitely made me realise that I don't want to be with someone like him, so hopefully the getting over him process will be a bit easier now. I guess I'm just sad because I feel like I'm also losing a friend - it kind of showed me he doesn't care about me half as much as I care about him
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