Worried about my mental state

Do you have any other people to talk to, family and other friends? Or maybe online help services?
It is awkward to hang out with someone after you broke up... and sometimes it might feel like you're bothering her, and make her uncomfortable. I don't want to be harsh or anything, but when people break up and say 'we're still friends' mostly they're being polite.
And dealing with people with depression is not the most pleasant thing, if you guy broke up she might not want to deal with your problems anymore.
(I knew because I had a suicidal friend, and I have to be careful with every word I say, going to her house every day and just sit there and listen to her for hours. It is extremely stressful, like watching war movies all day long. She moved to Australia now, and I have to say I was relieved.)

Do you have any other people to talk to, family and other friends? Or maybe online help services?
It is awkward to hang out with someone after you broke up... and sometimes it might feel like you're bothering her, and make her uncomfortable. I don't want to be harsh or anything, but when people break up and say 'we're still friends' mostly they're being polite.
And dealing with people with depression is not the most pleasant thing, if you guy broke up she might not want to deal with your problems anymore.
(I knew because I had a suicidal friend, and I have to be careful with every word I say, going to her house every day and just sit there and listen to her for hours. It is extremely stressful, like watching war movies all day long. She moved to Australia now, and I have to say I was relieved.)

Thank you for the reply. Yes I can understand that she don’t want to here about it anymore but why can’t she just say that. I plan on saying to her I won’t put my problems on you anymore (when I can finally next speak to her) I’ve came to understand it’s not fair but if she would not rush me off the phone it’s something I’ve wanted to say for a while but can just never talk to her with this lockdown, she works crazy hours which is still ongoing now.
I just want to still be her friend, even though we have split we went through so much together, she understands me better than anyone ever has, we still care for each other, even though she’s been distant I know that deep down she does, we will always care for each other deep down, i don’t want to lose her out of my life.

I don't know if this will work for you but usually when I'm stressed I watch p*rn and w*nk off to Lana Rhodes

You said that she works crazy hours now. Is she a healthcare worker? She might have a lot to deal with now and not in the right shape to help someone else. If you can get hold of her, talk to her about all the problems and ask for her opinion.
I know it can be frustrating if someone you really care about stops caring about you, but you have to acknowledge that she will probably never care about you the same way she once did. And as time goes on, the deep down care will fade away, you will have to move on.

Have to say this is hard for me to say & there’s a reason I’ve selected to post anon.
I’ve had battles with depression in the past, I’ve always been an anxious person but at one time I got so bad I was suicidle, every day for months, it was pure hell.
I managed to dig myself out of that hole & have been slightly low but nowhere near that. Thing is I had a girlfriend to help me out of that & support me, we broke up in November but are still friends. I dealt with that not too badly it helped still being friends to be honest.
With this lockdown happening it’s awful for my anxiety as I don’t particularly like where I live, my neighbours are rude & noisy, plus it’s stopped me seeing people and I feel like I’ve lost my freedom.
I’ve tried to be strong but I feel like I’m slowly starting to crack, it’s also not helping that when I try to call my ex who is now a friend she always rushes me off the phone or doesn’t answer, I’ve tried telling her today that I was sorry for keep calling (when she finally answered) but that I really missed her and needed to speak to her as she knows about my anxiety/depression and will usually talk with me a bit but I can just feel that she is pulling away more and more, I don’t hear from her for days, I give her space and am usually ok but this lockdown is just really making me depressed and anxious and it’s why I reached out to her a bit more than usual because I am scared I’m heading down the same path which led me to become suicidle.
I can see the starting of it as I have no appetite, I can’t enjoy films or games, I just feel on edge most of the day, what upsets me is me & my friend said when we split we’d still always be there for each other, I meant it but I feel she doesn’t and wouldn’t be that bothered if I was out of her life and that hurts as I still care for her, before anybody says or thinks I still want to be in a relationship with her I can say 100% no I don’t as we grew apart and clashed in the end, I just want her as a friend but what can I do if someone just doesn’t seem that arsed anymore?
Last time I had her support to get me through tough times, this time I’m all alone and that scares me as I feel weaker by the day, this lockdown is destroying me.
Please help.

Look - at times like this everything is heightened. If you've felt suicidal before you're going to feel it even more so now. Don't rely on your friend - get some professional help. 1) call your doctor and ask for a phone consult about going on anti- depressants and 2) try and get some phone counselling. There is a huge upswing in mental health issues at the moment - no one will judge for for asking for a little help!

I still think you should try and **** off mate. Try It and see how you feel afterwards

I’m feeling so bad, I just broke down last night I couldn’t help it, I’ve woke up today just feeling mega low