Why don’t guys want to date me?

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 9 months ago
#1
So I’m in my twenties and I’ve never had a boyfriend or went out on a date. I hate it because it has really taken a toll on my confidence. I feel like something is wrong with me. I’ve had girls come up to me and say I look so pretty which I really appreciate but I never get that from guys and I don’t get it, why? I did get some compliments from a few men before but they were older than me by 10+ years or they would stare without approaching me and honestly it just creeped me out. 😒 When guys do approach me (which is rare) they are usually strangers and from other countries (I guess i look “different” that’s why they come up to me) but then they just ask for my number or proceed to say some weird ish that instantly turns me off.
I’ve been lacking confidence for most of my teenage years and I’ve developed a coping mechanism - avoiding eye contact with people, not smiling (unless someone makes me) and looking as if i’m just minding my own business. Does that make me unwelcoming?? I simply don’t understand.
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Anonymous #2
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Try dating apps possibly? Or go out to clubs (if ur comfortable with it)

And don't worry. You'll find someone
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Anonymous #3
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#3
I'm picking a few things that stood out to me, "avoiding eye contact, not smiling, looking as I'm minding my own business" is implying to others to leave you alone. I understand that is not necessarily what the reaction you want.
From my position as a guy, I find it too awkward to ask girls even if I fancy them. If I fancied you and this is the sort of vibe I got, I would read it as though you don't really want me in your presence.
BW, and don't give up hope
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Drewski
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I’ve been lacking confidence for most of my teenage years and I’ve developed a coping mechanism - avoiding eye contact with people, not smiling (unless someone makes me) and looking as if i’m just minding my own business. Does that make me unwelcoming?
Yes, obviously.
If you're not showing any interest - or even just looking like you've noticed someone - then why would they try to talk to you?
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Anonymous #3
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Try dating apps possibly? Or go out to clubs (if ur comfortable with it)

And don't worry. You'll find someone
This is a really sweet response.
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Anonymous #4
#6
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#6
Genuine advice here, download tinder set your range to 10 miles and just swipe right. As a woman you’re guaranteed to get a lot of matches and then work from there.

Won’t be the most satisfying thing and as a Muslim I highly recommend avoiding sex but it would be a great way to build up your confidence and showing you that at least some men are interested
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Theloniouss
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#7
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Have you ever tried approaching guys?
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londonmyst
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#8
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It is difficult to say without knowing you and the impressions that guys have of you.

Are you friendly, approachable and positive in your attitude to life?
Do guys consider you intimidating or out of their league?
Do you have dating deal-breakers or religious requirements that are unusual?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Try dating apps possibly? Or go out to clubs (if ur comfortable with it)

And don't worry. You'll find someone
Tysm! : ) I hope so!!
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Anonymous #1
#10
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(Original post by Drewski)
Yes, obviously.
If you're not showing any interest - or even just looking like you've noticed someone - then why would they try to talk to you?
Sometimes if I find someone attractive that’s looking at me I do look back but I break eye contact cause I don’t want them to think I’m a creep for staring at them😩
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Anonymous #3
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Sometimes if I find someone attractive that’s looking at me I do look back but I break eye contact cause I don’t want them to think I’m a creep for staring at them😩
My dear, you sound so innocent, bless you.
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NonIndigenous
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Sometimes if I find someone attractive that’s looking at me I do look back but I break eye contact cause I don’t want them to think I’m a creep for staring at them😩
That's not something that would put guys off. Some would jump on it.
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Anonymous #1
#13
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm picking a few things that stood out to me, "avoiding eye contact, not smiling, looking as I'm minding my own business" is implying to others to leave you alone. I understand that is not necessarily what the reaction you want.
From my position as a guy, I find it too awkward to ask girls even if I fancy them. If I fancied you and this is the sort of vibe I got, I would read it as though you don't really want me in your presence.
BW, and don't give up hope
Tysm for a nice comment. It’s definitely not a reaction I want, I should work on looking more inviting, it’s just really difficult 😅

(Original post by Anonymous)
Genuine advice here, download tinder set your range to 10 miles and just swipe right. As a woman you’re guaranteed to get a lot of matches and then work from there.

Won’t be the most satisfying thing and as a Muslim I highly recommend avoiding sex but it would be a great way to build up your confidence and showing you that at least some men are interested
Thank you for the advice! I was never really keen on using tinder personally but i might give it a try!!

(Original post by Knortfoxx)
Have you ever tried approaching guys?
No, I was raised in a culture where men are obligated to approach women and not the other way around.. 🤷🏻*♀️ I’d feel way too embarrassed to do it.

(Original post by londonmyst)
It is difficult to say without knowing you and the impressions that guys have of you.

Are you friendly, approachable and positive in your attitude to life?
Do guys consider you intimidating or out of their league?
Do you have dating deal-breakers or religious requirements that are unusual?
From what others have told me, I am very friendly and supportive with positive attitude but I feel like you need to get to know me to get there. I don’t open up immediately but once I do get comfortable I am extremely friendly person with a good sense of humor. It could be that guys find me intimidating at first and then they give up to get to know me. As for the deal breakers, nothing super unusual but I do have very strong beliefs about relationships (family, friend, romantic) as I value them so much. It comes from the culture I was raised in.. But nothing unusual, strange or anything like that...
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by NonIndigenous)
That's not something that would put guys off. Some would jump on it.
Oh...well in that case I really don’t know anymore 🤣

(Original post by Anonymous)
My dear, you sound so innocent, bless you.
Not sure if i should take it as a compliment or not...but thank you anyways 😂
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Justbeingmyself
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#15
Have you tried approaching and asking guys out yourself? From the OP it seems you need to make yourself look more approachable by smiling and not avoiding eye contact with someone you like, that should also help.
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imaniii
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#16
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#16
I’m pretty sure you’re going to find someone amazing one day, judging from your description of you/your way of thinking. Focus on other things like school/work for now and trust me it’s going to come to you in the most unexpected time )))
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londonmyst
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(Original post by Anonymous)
From what others have told me, I am very friendly and supportive with positive attitude but I feel like you need to get to know me to get there. I don’t open up immediately but once I do get comfortable I am extremely friendly person with a good sense of humor. It could be that guys find me intimidating at first and then they give up to get to know me. As for the deal breakers, nothing super unusual but I do have very strong beliefs about relationships (family, friend, romantic) as I value them so much. It comes from the culture I was raised in.. But nothing unusual, strange or anything like that...
Online dating and hookup sites are strongly biased in favour of women.
If you have a few good photos and write a 3 line profile about your hobbies & what type of relationship you are looking for, you'll get plenty of messages from guys within 15 mins.
I'm happily single, only looking to chat & make friends and make this very clear on my profile.
I am average looking, 5'1 and don't post any pics with cleavage or swimsuits.
The last time I logged in to badoo before the lockdown, I got 83 messages from random guys between 25-58 in under ten minutes.
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Anonymous #1
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#18
(Original post by londonmyst)
Online dating and hookup sites are strongly biased in favour of women.
If you have a few good photos and write a 3 line profile about your hobbies & what type of relationship you are looking for, you'll get plenty of messages from guys within 15 mins.
I'm happily single, only looking to chat & make friends and make this very clear on my profile.
I am average looking, 5'1 and don't post any pics with cleavage or swimsuits.
The last time I logged in to badoo before the lockdown, I got 83 messages from random guys between 25-58 in under ten minutes.
I understand....Will definitely think about it, thanks for the advice : )
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awkwardshortguy
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I can't see you to point anything out.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Justbeingmyself)
Have you tried approaching and asking guys out yourself? From the OP it seems you need to make yourself look more approachable by smiling and not avoiding eye contact with someone you like, that should also help.
I haven’t, I grew up in a culture where it’s taught that only men approach women and not otherwise. That stuck with me and I feel like I can’t go against it otherwise I’ll be so embarrassed. I’ll try to smile more maybe that will work 😄
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