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Should I say with my new boyfriend and get help?

My boyfriend of 2 and a half year broke up with me. He said I hadn't done anything wrong, he just didn't want to settle down for ages and it had faded over time. There were some instances by which he was forceful during sex and on one occasion didn't listen when I said I wasn't ready. It's hard to explain how to me it was normal, perhaps partly because he was the only boy I'd ever kissed and I was just comparing it to porn. However, I really loved him so it was very upsetting when we broke up (6 months ago). To make matters worse one of my friends decided to tell me, after we'd broken up, that he had told him he was going to break up with me at my birthday. This so called friend also spread some awful lies about me so saying I said things about them I didn't, so I didn't think my friends would like me anymore. A month after the break up and all this I met a really lovely guy and started going out with him. Now I've been going out with him for 5 months. I never thought I'd move on like that, but this guy is genuinely special. However, in lock down being a part from him I really don't know how I feel. I miss my new boyfriend and feel like I love him, but it's as if I'm still mourning the old one, probably because I didn't have the time too. I feel depressed but the new boy makes me feel better. I just don't know if I need more counselling, or if I'm just not ready. I really don't want to lose him because he is so good for me in every way and all my friends say it. Side note, the ex friend that spread lies phoned me up totally out of the blue yesterday apologising for lying and saying my ex never said that, I'm in shock that two people I trusted the most, him and my ex, could hurt me so much.

Reply 1

Anonymous #1

distance can really test a relationship, i would definitely tell your boyfriend how you feel as communicating is always key. for a long time after i broke up with my ex i did not want to be with anyone and enjoyed being single as the relationship had been quite bad. i then met my current boyfriend who i almost turned away as i considered myself as being not ready for a relationship, despite having loads of time out of a relationship and i’m so glad i didn’t as he’s so perfect. i wouldn’t throw away what you have with the new guy as he sounds great but if you are feeling depressed then i believe that counselling is definitely a good route as they will likely be able to guide you far better than anyone else. maybe try and use this lockdown as mourning time for your ex? i know it isn’t that long but it’s time away from your current boyfriend that you can use to reflect and attempt to move on. i know it sounds weird but i found that meditating really helped me clear my mind and move on after my ex as it’s time with just you and your mind to be calm and clear