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Friends don't talk to me
I posted about this a few weeks ago but I want some more feedback.
My mom once told me that I don't deserve friends because I do nothing to keep them - I never call them, IM them, e-mail them, or reach out to them in any other way. She was right, of course, but the thing is that my friends never reach out to me. So why should I do to them what they won't do to me?
I never EVER get a phone call from a friend, or a Facebook message, or an e-mail, or anything like that. I seem them reaching out to each other. I often seem them going out of their way to make plans with each other, talking to each other, but it seems like I'm always conveniently forgotten.
So should I try to reach out to my friends? Should I start leaving FB messages on their walls? Should I start calling them just to talk? Wouldn't that just make me look desperate or clingy?
The other thing is, even if I do try to talk to people, I never know what to say. It never extends beyond "Hey, what's up". How do I keep people interested enough in me? How do I make them remember me? I'd kind of like to just be honest about it and tell them to talk to me occasionally because I get lonely. Is that a bad idea?
I just don't know what to do.
My mom once told me that I don't deserve friends because I do nothing to keep them - I never call them, IM them, e-mail them, or reach out to them in any other way. She was right, of course, but the thing is that my friends never reach out to me. So why should I do to them what they won't do to me?
I never EVER get a phone call from a friend, or a Facebook message, or an e-mail, or anything like that. I seem them reaching out to each other. I often seem them going out of their way to make plans with each other, talking to each other, but it seems like I'm always conveniently forgotten.
So should I try to reach out to my friends? Should I start leaving FB messages on their walls? Should I start calling them just to talk? Wouldn't that just make me look desperate or clingy?
The other thing is, even if I do try to talk to people, I never know what to say. It never extends beyond "Hey, what's up". How do I keep people interested enough in me? How do I make them remember me? I'd kind of like to just be honest about it and tell them to talk to me occasionally because I get lonely. Is that a bad idea?
I just don't know what to do.
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Reply 1
you ever think that they may be thinking exactly the same thing about you? sometimes you have to take the high ground
EDIT: You appear to know the answer; hit off with the communcation
EDIT EDIT: Also to keep conversations going, just ask them leading questions, be interested, ask them how things have gone, discuss things you both like you know?
EDIT: You appear to know the answer; hit off with the communcation
EDIT EDIT: Also to keep conversations going, just ask them leading questions, be interested, ask them how things have gone, discuss things you both like you know?
Reply 2
Well what do you think? if you dont contact them after a while they just think your not interested or dont want to hang around with them anymore and wont bother contacting you, use your common sense and take some initiative, cricky.
When talking to other people, seem interested, ask them what theyve been up to, talk to them about similar interests. etc etc
When talking to other people, seem interested, ask them what theyve been up to, talk to them about similar interests. etc etc
Being on a gap year in my case has somewhat dried up my social-ness side
I remember in september a girl i was super close to, spoke everyday to etc.. she all of a sudden didnt respond to any of my texts or emails or FB messages.. until i realised **** it.. id rather lose a friend then seem like a clingy loner.. its happened to quite a few people this past year, but im not fussed about it anymore.. everything that has happened has happened for a reason yanoo
In terms of what to talk about.. ask them how their summer was/is going.. its the easiet thing to talk about right now.. its very general and can get people yacking on for ages lol
All the best
I remember in september a girl i was super close to, spoke everyday to etc.. she all of a sudden didnt respond to any of my texts or emails or FB messages.. until i realised **** it.. id rather lose a friend then seem like a clingy loner.. its happened to quite a few people this past year, but im not fussed about it anymore.. everything that has happened has happened for a reason yanoo
In terms of what to talk about.. ask them how their summer was/is going.. its the easiet thing to talk about right now.. its very general and can get people yacking on for ages lol
All the best
Reply 4
i know was you mean.. im at uni at the mo and its the same situation.. nobody contacts me either.. but its like the lads will contact the women, cause there only after the one thing
But it just seems so frustrating when people are, for example, on AIM at the same time as me but neglect to talk to me. I always have to initiate a conversation and that makes me look desperate and clingy. And what do I say?
And the same goes for phone calls. What do I say? "Hi, just wanted to see what was up"? Is that it? Because I'm fairly sure that, even if I call someone a few times just to chat, I won't be getting any phone calls in return. Which leads me to the conclusion that I'm not as important as their other friends.
And that pisses me off. I'm just the guy who can be disposed of easily. It makes me think that, whenever I talk to someone and they're gracious enough to talk back to me, they're just doing it to keep me satisfied, like giving a barking dog a bone.
And the same goes for phone calls. What do I say? "Hi, just wanted to see what was up"? Is that it? Because I'm fairly sure that, even if I call someone a few times just to chat, I won't be getting any phone calls in return. Which leads me to the conclusion that I'm not as important as their other friends.
And that pisses me off. I'm just the guy who can be disposed of easily. It makes me think that, whenever I talk to someone and they're gracious enough to talk back to me, they're just doing it to keep me satisfied, like giving a barking dog a bone.
Reply 7
Dont you ever fancy going out with your mates? Like ring up and say hey hows it going, fancy going ........ ?
Reply 8
it annoys me when some mates ive got do not ring or text back after ive rung them up and left a message as well. its happened with some of my mates several times. the other day it was a mates birthday so i jus wished her on her FB wall cos id tried ringing her loads of times and got fed up thinking i was probably looking clingy and i didnt want to give that impression. sometimes its about self-respect too.
these mates just dont bother ringing back at all.
the funny thing is though that when i bump into them on the street they stand there to talk to me for ages and act as if they're really great mates!
how fake is that!
these mates just dont bother ringing back at all.
the funny thing is though that when i bump into them on the street they stand there to talk to me for ages and act as if they're really great mates!
how fake is that!
Reply 9
sorry OP though i was rambling about my experiences if you've tried contacting them and they dont bother replying then I guess you're better off making new friends. If you haven't then why not make the first move?
You never know they might have the impression that you're arrogant but once you message them they'll start inviting you out?
You never know they might have the impression that you're arrogant but once you message them they'll start inviting you out?
Reply 10
Text them, leaving Facebook comments etc.
If you make an effort they will be more inclined to do likewise.
Arrange outings as well, as i you don't they might think you are the disinterested party.
If you make an effort they will be more inclined to do likewise.
Arrange outings as well, as i you don't they might think you are the disinterested party.
Reply 11
I tend to think that people put in about the same amount of effort into their relationships as they see the other person doing.
I know if a friend neglects me or doesnt bother to contact me often I will grow restless and start doing the same. I don't want it to look like I'm makign 80% of the effort, if the other person can't be bothered with me.
The thing is, you do have to put in the effort to start with. It doesnt look lame to leave comments on peoples walls or send a text every so often. It definately doesnt look clingy, if anything it means you look like a cheery friendly person which other people would be more likely to contact un future.
Im afraid it sounds like your reluctance to get in contact with your friends is leaving them less likely to get in contact with you in return. The only way you can rectify the problem is to make a little effort and set the ball rolling again.
I know if a friend neglects me or doesnt bother to contact me often I will grow restless and start doing the same. I don't want it to look like I'm makign 80% of the effort, if the other person can't be bothered with me.
The thing is, you do have to put in the effort to start with. It doesnt look lame to leave comments on peoples walls or send a text every so often. It definately doesnt look clingy, if anything it means you look like a cheery friendly person which other people would be more likely to contact un future.
Im afraid it sounds like your reluctance to get in contact with your friends is leaving them less likely to get in contact with you in return. The only way you can rectify the problem is to make a little effort and set the ball rolling again.
Reply 12
svdesi
So should I try to reach out to my friends? Should I start leaving FB messages on their walls? Should I start calling them just to talk? Wouldn't that just make me look desperate or clingy?
The other thing is, even if I do try to talk to people, I never know what to say. It never extends beyond "Hey, what's up". How do I keep people interested enough in me? How do I make them remember me? I'd kind of like to just be honest about it and tell them to talk to me occasionally because I get lonely. Is that a bad idea?
I just don't know what to do.
So should I try to reach out to my friends? Should I start leaving FB messages on their walls? Should I start calling them just to talk? Wouldn't that just make me look desperate or clingy?
The other thing is, even if I do try to talk to people, I never know what to say. It never extends beyond "Hey, what's up". How do I keep people interested enough in me? How do I make them remember me? I'd kind of like to just be honest about it and tell them to talk to me occasionally because I get lonely. Is that a bad idea?
I just don't know what to do.
i think u shud regularly post on their fcbook walls or IM them or something. there's always loads to talk about....even if you actually talk about nothing worth speaking of.
As it's summer, u could just start up a conversation with: "hey. what's up? what have you been up to for summer?" and they'll definitely answer and ask u about urs as well, always kicks off a conversation. talk about olympics as well....and results, if ur expecting some. and feel free...and er be funny. they won't leave u out of stuff again. and don't worry, most people feel alone sometimes, but you could always do something about it
Reply 13
I had an arkward patch like this after i left school with mine.
start making an effort with them, im certain they just probably thinking exactly what you are!
just take a deep breath and make the first move and things will improve
if not then they aren't really friends to be worried about !
start making an effort with them, im certain they just probably thinking exactly what you are!
just take a deep breath and make the first move and things will improve
if not then they aren't really friends to be worried about !
you have to make an effort too, dont expect them to talk to you, they probably talk to their good friends, and you have to get into their good books. so start reaching out, facebook messages are a great way to start.
as for the loss of things to say. when you ask whats up, and they tell you whats up, dont just leave it, talk about what they just said, maybe a joke, or an experience
and if you want to be remembered, you have to do something silly. so generally being funny, or silly works, or it works for me
as for the loss of things to say. when you ask whats up, and they tell you whats up, dont just leave it, talk about what they just said, maybe a joke, or an experience
and if you want to be remembered, you have to do something silly. so generally being funny, or silly works, or it works for me
Well, I told you about that girl who's going to NY, right? I want to hang out with her once or twice before she leaves and I'm thinking of calling her tomorrow. But I have no idea what to say when I call. I don't know how to go from small talk ("Hey", "what's up", "just calling to say hi") to a real conversation? I'm thinking of bringing up with her what I discussed here (my friends not reaching out to me) and asking her for advice, if it's normal that I think of friends in my spare time, etc. Then I can try to see why she, and other people, never call me or message me. In other words, I'm thinking of honestly telling her that I want her and other friends to remember me, think of me, and reach out to me. Does that seem like a good idea?
Reply 16
I'm sorry, but it's hard to teach years of social interaction in a TSR post.
I honestly don't understand the phrase "I don't know what to say". Does everyone else get a ****ing script?
EDIT: I don't feel like sharing the e-love tonight.
I honestly don't understand the phrase "I don't know what to say". Does everyone else get a ****ing script?
EDIT: I don't feel like sharing the e-love tonight.
Reply 17
You don't need to know what to say, just talk about whatever comes into your head, and go from there.
Just make sure and tweak the conversation slightly depending on who you're taking to. Today I started talking about how someone punched me in the nipple and it got infected; then I realized I was talking to a Mormon. She called me gross and walked off.
Just make sure and tweak the conversation slightly depending on who you're taking to. Today I started talking about how someone punched me in the nipple and it got infected; then I realized I was talking to a Mormon. She called me gross and walked off.
Reply 18
svdesi
Well, I told you about that girl who's going to NY, right? I want to hang out with her once or twice before she leaves and I'm thinking of calling her tomorrow. But I have no idea what to say when I call. I don't know how to go from small talk ("Hey", "what's up", "just calling to say hi") to a real conversation? I'm thinking of bringing up with her what I discussed here (my friends not reaching out to me) and asking her for advice, if it's normal that I think of friends in my spare time, etc. Then I can try to see why she, and other people, never call me or message me. In other words, I'm thinking of honestly telling her that I want her and other friends to remember me, think of me, and reach out to me. Does that seem like a good idea?
This is your friend you're going to talk to, isn't it? Whats so hard of having a conversation progress from small talk to real stuff? It would be good to try and get her advice and opinions on this situation. But if you're going to ask to be included, be prepared to be criticized for not making the effort to reach out for them.
xSplashx
This is your friend you're going to talk to, isn't it? Whats so hard of having a conversation progress from small talk to real stuff? It would be good to try and get her advice and opinions on this situation. But if you're going to ask to be included, be prepared to be criticized for not making the effort to reach out for them.
Damn it! I just called her, but she didn't pick up. I left a message.
I called her at 11:30 and 11:45 pm. I know those are bad times, but most people don't go to sleep at that time, anyway, I think.
Do you think she could be ignoring me? I gave her a book as a gift before she left LA and in it, I apologized for all the idiotic things I had done/said to her over the years, wished her luck, and called her beautiful on the inside and out. Do you think that, maybe, she's creeped out by that last one and is avoiding me because of it?
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