My boyfriend slapped me and I'm shocked

So I'm a girl (21) and my boyfriend (24) have been together for over a year. We live together in the same apartment and normally things are okay between us, however, that changed.

We were messing about and he poured a cup of water on me. I retaliated and splashed some on him but it got on the stone floor.
He got really mad and slapped my arm really hard which left a mark. He was yelling clean it up. He also threw all the fruit off the table onto the floor and nearly hit a glass piece of art I have made for my course onto the floor.

I got really upset as I have had issues with family members hurting me when I was a child (hence why I live with him).
I confronted him about it and all he said was "well I didn't mean to hit you that hard. You could have got water on the electronics."
I wasn't anywhere near any electronics and when he poured water on me it got all over my phone.

I really dont know what to do. I cant leave because of the coronavirus and he's related to a couple of the police officers in our area.
I'm so stumped.

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Reply 1

loveocean

oh no, bless you! i was in a similar situation with a recent ex boyfriend and it started with little slaps but then turned into punches (and worse) so i would recommend speaking to some people about it. have you got any family members or close friends you could confide in if it did come to the situation where you needed to leave? have a look at some helplines too - they’re really helpful and they’ll be some in your local area that can help you if you need it! there’s always a way out even if you can’t see it yet and you deserve so much better. I hope things get better for you!x

Reply 2

emiilyyy

Original post by Cozynight

LEAVE HIM! It may be difficult to as it seems you moved out to get away from your family but talk to your friends about staying at theirs for awhile. If he is hitting you over spilling water that it such a huge red flag, the violence will most likely get worse.

Reply 3

itsyahg

there are some abusive helplines you can contact rn. I would honestly suggest leaving him straight after this lockdown. Imagine if you guys have kids together and he does that to your children! Then your children will have to experience what you did when you were younger. Physical abuse is never the answer or excuse for anything

Reply 4

Surnia

You can leave during the lockdown to get out of an abusive situation; the Government has said this specifically. Contact the police, a support helpline or a friend/family member. Don't stay around for this to get worse, which it most likely will. Get a bag packed and go now!

If you move in with someone, you just need to take sensible precautions for 7 days; shower and change when you arrive, keep 2m away from them, clean shared rooms between uses.

Reply 5

loveocean

National helplines

Domestic Violence AssistExternal Link - 0800 195 8699
Specialises in assistance to obtain emergency injunctions from being further abused.

Women’s Aid Domestic Violence HelplineExternal Link - 0808 2000 247
Free 24-hour national helpline run by Women’s Aid and Refuge.

Men’s Advice LineExternal Link - 0808 801 0327
Confidential helpline for male victims of domestic abuse.

National LGBT Domestic Abuse HelplineExternal Link - 0800 999 5428
Emotional and practical support for LGBT+ people.

National Centre for Domestic ViolenceExternal Link - 0800 970 2070
Specialises in assistance to get emergency injunctions from being further abused.

National Stalking HelplineExternal Link - 0808 802 0300
Guidance on the law, how to report stalking, gathering evidence, staying safe and reducing the risk.

Victim SupportExternal Link - 08 08 16 89 111
Free and confidential help to victims of crime, witnesses, their family and friends.

i hope some of these are applicable to anyone who needs them!x

Reply 6

loveocean

Original post by awkwardshortguy

Someone makes an account on TSR to just post this question here rather than on a more appropriate website and people don't think it's a troll, smh.

it may well be, but someone who needs the advice may see this so it’s not a waste of time to me :smile:

Reply 7

Surnia

Original post by itsyahg

Please don't to say this to anyone else as it is not correct. The Government has said specifically that it is allowed to leave an abusive situation during lockdown; it is covered by the words 'to avoid or escape risk of harm or injury."

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

Original post by awkwardshortguy

Someone makes an account on TSR to just post this question here rather than on a more appropriate website and people don't think it's a troll, smh.

Why would it be a troll? I wouldn't know where else to post this sort of thing. And she's probably fresh out of uni and uses TSR for other things.

Reply 9

itsyahg

Original post by Surnia

my bad, i didn't realise that was possible

Reply 10

loveocean

Original post by awkwardshortguy

May well be? Who in their right mind would think to ask a question about domestic violence on TSR of all places if they didn't have an account on it already?

i don’t want to argue about this, i was just trying to help and you never know what’s going through someone’s mind so maybe they decided that this was the best place to get advice quickly?x

Reply 11

Cozynight

Original post by awkwardshortguy

Someone makes an account on TSR to just post this question here rather than on a more appropriate website and people don't think it's a troll, smh.

I was googling to find anyone else in similar situations as me. I came across this website and decided to give it a go. I dont know anyone that uses this site so my boyfriend wont be able to find this post.
Sorry if it seemed suspicious but I just needed advice

Reply 12

Cozynight

Original post by loveocean

Thank you x

Reply 13

loveocean

Original post by Cozynight

Thank you x

no worries, i hope everything works out and if you have any more questions i can try my best to help out!x

Reply 14

Cozynight

I appreciate everyone's help. Thank you so, so much.

Reply 15

Cozynight

Original post by awkwardshortguy

May well be? Who in their right mind would think to ask a question about domestic violence on TSR of all places if they didn't have an account on it already?

Seriously. Read my other reply!! I dont know people who use this so my boyfriend wont be able to find it.
I have tried other websites in the past but didn't get a reply for a week.
I gave this website a try and I am very grateful for all the help I have received.
I'm not a troll and I'm very offended that youd say that.

Reply 16

Toki the Dumdum

Original post by Cozynight

Don't be offended. There are a lot of trolls on this site so it's understandable for users to think troll if there are posts with trollish hallmarks. It's not personal.

On topic, what your boyfriend did was unacceptable. You need to get out of the situation you have with him and look after yourself.

Reply 17

999tigger

Original post by awkwardshortguy

Someone makes an account on TSR to just post this question here rather than on a more appropriate website and people don't think it's a troll, smh.

Except people post all sorts of questions on here and get good advice. There is a section for relationships so it seems perfectly accpetable to post the above on here.
They were asking for advice.
You havent offerend anything useful, so why would you care?

Reply 18

999tigger

Original post by Cozynight

You seem to have a lot of good answers plus some helplines.
Only you can gauge how serious and hostile the slap was and whether he has apologised or is genuine.
It could be an accident and he could be apologetic and concerned about the impact on you or you have found out what he is like when things get difficult. One people cross boundaries they might not go back.

Ther yelling and throwing things sounds dull.
You can either evacuate now or take it slow, have a think and then just be cautious with a view to dropping him after the lockdown, because at the moment its better for you to stay? You shouldb be in danger which is where I would say move, but you know him well enough to assess any threat beyond being a selfish prik. People are stressed during lockdown.

Make an escape plan i.e things to take and what you would do and how- to steady your thoughts and have an out.
See how things go. Post back if you get stuck.

(edited 4 years ago)

Reply 19

awkwardshortguy

Original post by 999tigger

Except people post all sorts of questions on here and get good advice.

A minority of the time. Someone could make a thread asking 'what colour is the sky' on this site and they would get at least one response in support of each and every colour of the rainbow. Except maybe red, which ironically is one of the colours the sky actually can be at certain times of the day.

Original post by 999tigger

There is a section for relationships so it seems perfectly accpetable to post the above on here.

One wouldn't ask a website full of people still learning their times tables when there are sites dedicated to sufferers of domestic abuse unless that person had an account on a site such as this and not on one specifically for people like them already and they were incredibly lazy, end of.

Original post by 999tigger

You havent offerend anything useful

I have. I have explained exactly why this is a probable troll thread for the people who don't seem to have realised that.

Original post by 999tigger

so why would you care?

I don't. I'm just amazed given how this site is replete with trolls that people have not been more suspicious on this occasion. Not that I should be, having read people's replies in the thread on here where the OP pretends to be a man whose teenage daughter slapped his wife at a funeral.