Am I being stupid?

I've recently become more interested in being in a serious relationship (I am 19) and am still a virgin. I've heard so many stories about sex being painful the first time and that it is advised that you do stuff to yourself first to find out what you like etc. plus it may hurt less if I try.
So I started trying a couple of months ago but initially coudln't see the hole at all and when I tried feeling for it, I couldn't feel or see anything with the mirror... so I gave up because it really hurt whenever I would try to go a little deeper. Last week when I looked down there, I noticed more of a hole (its really small and idk if its the vagina but it's below the urethral hole so it must be) and I think its because I've been running everyday for the past 3 weeks so it may have caused part of the hymen to break.
Anyway, I tried again with the finger and could only get like half a centimeter (so like the tip of the nail) before it began hurting too much so I stopped trying. I realised I need to start smaller so today I found a bobby pin and tried putting it in (obviously i put the blunt end in so it wouldn't do any damage) and could get this in but only got like 1-2 inches in before it kind of hurt so I stopped again...
Am I putting it in the right hole, I tried with the opposite end of a small toothbrush (cleaned properly and also old so no longer in use) and when I put it near the entrance it felt really good so I'm assuming I'm in the right place but the toothbrush was too big to go in... idk what to do to make the hole bigger. I also didnt bleed so I'm assuming the hymen is broken and the hole is just really small atm?

Hi, dear! My suggestion is to try stimulating your clitoris first. It's an easier way to orgasm for me, I find fingering to be quite hurtful as well. Also, it might be a lot easier to insert your finger after a little clit play, since your vagina won't be as tight and you will get wet. Hope this helps!