How to stop being a boring conservationist?

I've always struggled even getting a conversation going, but if I can it dies out quite quickly because I never know what to say :frown:

This is in the context of tinder and stuff btw.
Any help would be very much appreciated.

Reply 1

Sabs99

People prefer to talk than to listen. Just ask questions, when they start yabbering then ask them follow up questions. They will find you to be the most fascinating person on earth and not realize that you've never actually said anything.

Reply 2

asif007

I think you mean conversationalist, lol. Conservationists are boring anyway: who wants to talk about saving the environment all day? :biggrin:

In all seriousness though, if you’re having trouble getting girls to reply on Tinder then the problem is not with you, it’s them. Most girls on tinder don’t even use it to actually talk to people, they do it for an ego boost or just to show off to their friends about how many matches they get. If you want to practise talking to girls, do it with them face to face.

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

Original post by asif007

I think you mean conversationalist, lol. Conservationists are boring anyway: who wants to talk about saving the environment all day? :biggrin:

Lol that's embarrassing, I typed "conversarionist" and got auto corrected because it isn't a word haha.
Thankyou. Yeah I figured that was the case with some people, but others I've had conversations going with but then the conversation ran dry because I said the wrong things (nothing creepy, just boring).

Reply 4

asif007

Original post by Anonymous

I always say to people that if you’re capable of being friends with people of the opposite sex, you’re capable of having a relationship. If normal girls who are your friends reply to you over messaging then you’re obviously a likeable person. I also have friends who are girls and who I can hold a conversation with. But Tinder throws all that back in your face because girls don’t have common courtesy to reply. I find there’s lots of double standards on there. Lots of girls saying things along the lines of “don’t match if you won’t message” but then won’t reply. I find a lot of girls will only reply depending on how good you look in your pictures, which obviously makes it very superficial and not a good way to chat to/meet women. 99% of the matches I get don’t send a reply. This is why I recommend you get face to face interaction with a girl first, then get her number and at least she already knows who you are so she might be more likely to reply. It doesn’t always work this way but it’s preferable over Tinder.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

Thankyou again. Yeah that's understandable. Tinder is a bit different to talking to a female friend though tbf, so the conversation must be modelled differently surely.
And yeah in the future actually speaking face-to-face is a goal of mine, but can't be done at the moment because of quarantine.

Reply 6

Anonymous #2

If you aren't good at texting or messaging the world of internet dating is tough. And that's a big problem for a lot of guys because that kind of chatty communication doesn't come naturally to a lot of males. Unfortunately a lot of women these days only want a guy who is good on social media. They want someone chatty, witty, and who natters trivial garbage all day like to them like a girl. I have come to realise that women aged under say 26 probably don't want do date a real guy. What they actually want, even though a lot of them don't even realise it, is a gay best friend.

Reply 7

asif007

Original post by Anonymous

Theoretically it should be the same as talking to a girl in person. If you’re able to hold a conversation with a girl face to face, the same should apply to messages too. But Tinder doesn’t work like that: too many other variables deciding whether a girl will reply or ignore you. Chief among them is how good you look in your pictures. If you aren’t an amateur male model and can’t boast of lots of gym pictures on your tinder profile you don’t have much chance of success. And seeing as most guys don’t have those kinds of pictures, it’s heavily weighted against guys in favour of girls who can match with whoever they want and hence take advantage and don’t reply. It’s all too superficial. Don’t take your results on tinder as an indication of what your success with girls might be like if you meet them in person. Obviously you can’t see people right now but when things calm down, put yourself out there and hopefully you’ll see your results improve.

Reply 8

Anonymous #1

Original post by asif007

Thankyou. Do you have any advice for face-to-face stuff for after quarantine is over?
I do have pictures from the gym, but they're just of me lifting or from a recent Powerlifitng competition (also if I add one to my profile wouldn't I look like a self-obsessed/ gym-obsessed a**hole?)

Reply 9

asif007

Original post by Anonymous

I’d say just be approachable and be comfortable talking to girls face to face. Girls like to talk about themselves first and foremost so nod your acknowledgment and maybe ask her a few questions about herself. Helps you come across as a good “listener” which is what they look for before they demonstrate any interest in you.

It’s good you have those pictures already, that puts you at an advantage. Who cares how it makes you look, as long as it gets you replies and phone numbers from girls on Tinder? It’s well proven that not only will girls reply to you if you have good pictures from the gym and your physique, they’ll even message you first. 95% of guys on Tinder never get a message first so I would make good use of those pictures if I were you. Like I mentioned, how good you look in your pictures is the number 1 deciding factor for whether or not a girl will reply to you.