i have mild autism and i don't think my boyfriend understands

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jodie9165
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my boyfriend always gets upset when i annoy him, i don't mean to do it but i know how impulsive i can be. i want him to understand autism better but i feel like he'll think i'm just using it as an excuse. Can anybody help me with away i can explain or annoy him less?
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glassalice
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(Original post by jodie9165)
my boyfriend always gets upset when i annoy him, i don't mean to do it but i know how impulsive i can be. i want him to understand autism better but i feel like he'll think i'm just using it as an excuse. Can anybody help me with away i can explain or annoy him less?
Autism is a neurological disorder where my brain is wired a bit differently to a 'normal' person.
Its not awful and I don't want you to feel sorry for me, however it means that I have to work just a little bit harder than everyone else, to do the things I want/ need to do.
One thing that my neurological condition causes me to struggle with is regulating my behaviour and impulses. It is really hard work for me. However most of the time I manage this.
Occasionally, I am impulsive. This is upsetting to me and I am sorry that it upsets you. But, as explained its not through lack of hard work.
As part of being an autistic female, I am constantly learning new ways of avoiding these difficult situations.
My capacity to learn is the reason why you may struggle to see me as being autistic. Most people know social skills intuitively, where as I am forced to learn them one by one.
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clovercake
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For a start you should not be trying to change the way you behave because it annoys him. Maybe he should look at himself and try and not be so impatient? I have Asperger's myself and i'm lucky that my ex's understood my quirky ways, but if i was with someone who got irritated by the way i behaved easily, I would seriously try to have a proper conversation with him about the reasons why I'm like that. You should never have to change for someone else, especially when you can't help the way you are. Maybe send him a video on what autism is, or an information page? Maybe it will help him to understand you as a person better.
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glassalice
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What clovercake has said about showing your BF a website about autism is a good idea, however, be careful.
It may not need saying however most websites about autism have been made about autistic males not autistic females. The expression of autism in a female is different to a male, so showing your BF one could backfire and afferm his belief that you are not autistic.
I would really recommend a short graphic novel called Camouflage- The Hidden Lives of Autistic Women. It explains things really well.
Read the guardian review:
https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.the...sis-aspbergers
Last edited by glassalice; 7 months ago
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clovercake
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(Original post by glassalice)
What clovercake has said about showing your BF a website about autism is a good idea, however, be careful.
It may not need saying however most websites about autism have been made about autistic males not autistic females. The expression of autism in a female is different to a male, so showing your BF one could backfire and afferm his belief that you are not autistic.
I would really recommend a short graphic novel called Camouflage- The Hidden Lives of Autistic Women. It explains things really well.
Yes you're right, maybe try and find a website about autism in females? It would probably be more specific then.
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glassalice
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(Original post by clovercake)
Yes you're right, maybe try and find a website about autism in females? It would probably be more specific then.
Yes definitely! I can't think of one off the top of my head though.
Edit: Yes I can
http://autisminpink.net/
Has a really good documentary about women on all ends of the spectrum.
Last edited by glassalice; 7 months ago
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Greywolf.
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(Original post by jodie9165)
my boyfriend always gets upset when i annoy him, i don't mean to do it but i know how impulsive i can be. i want him to understand autism better but i feel like he'll think i'm just using it as an excuse. Can anybody help me with away i can explain or annoy him less?
I have autism too, just explain to him what it is and your behaviours. Talk to him as to how you can both accommodate for it and how he can help you in your relationship, if he keeps calling it and excuse after that then you need to re-evaluate your relationship with him, because he won’t be taking the time to help you.
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Em.-.
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In women autism can be more subtle, as in many don’t get diagnosed until adulthood as they just assume they’re weird, shy or something, and are able to hide it from others. Sometimes social anxiety can be given as a condition mistakenly, as social behaviour can be easier to spot by others. A lot of online resources tend to focus on the more obvious signs which are more common in men, so maybe just explaining to him how it affects you would be better than going online, as even in women, people’s symptoms can vary greatly. If it still bothers him then maybe break up (yes it’s harsh) since you’d be better finding somebody who likes you for you and is not bothered by something you can’t change.
Last edited by Em.-.; 7 months ago
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Greywolf.
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(Original post by Em.-.)
In women autism can be more subtle, as in many don’t get diagnosed until adulthood as they just assume they’re weird, shy or something, and are able to hide it from others. Sometimes social anxiety can be given as a condition mistakenly, as social behaviour can be easier to spot by others. A lot of online resources tend to focus on the more obvious signs which are more common in men, so maybe just explaining to him how it affects you would be better than going online, as even in women, people’s symptoms can vary greatly. If it still bothers him then maybe break up (yes it’s harsh) since you’d be better finding somebody who likes you for you and is bothered by something you can’t change.
For me, my parents thought it was just bad behaviour when I was a child and punished me for it, kind of hate them for that; the amount of trauma they caused
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Em.-.
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(Original post by Greywolftwo)
For me, my parents thought it was just bad behaviour when I was a child and punished me for it, kind of hate them for that; the amount of trauma they caused
Well I have social anxiety and I get so awkward in social situations and can barely make eye contact with people. I’ve also struggled with OCD and ADHD which I’m really trying to work on. Like my attention span is around 2 minutes then I switch off lol. My mum briefly thought I might have mild autism when I was a teenager (based on what I’ve previously said and some other things), but I never got tested and wouldn’t want to as there’s many symptoms I don’t have like I perfectly understand sarcasm, am able to read people’s emotions quite well and normally know what to say around people, although I do prepare myself before I talk to somebody which I guess is the, anxiety, though I was always a shy kid nd still can barely initiate conversations with people I don’t know.
Last edited by Em.-.; 7 months ago
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Greywolf.
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(Original post by Em.-.)
Well I have social anxiety and I get so awkward in social situations and can barely make eye contact with people. I’ve also struggled with OCD and ADHD which I’m really trying to work on. Like my attention span is around 2 minutes then I switch off lol. My mum briefly thought I might have mild autism when I was a teenager (based on what I’ve previously said and some other things), but I never got tested and wouldn’t want to as there’s many symptoms I don’t have like I perfectly understand sarcasm, am able to read people’s emotions quite well and normally know what to say around people, although I do prepare myself before I talk to somebody.
I have social anxiety as well, really awkward and struggle to make eye contact. I have a bad attention span and can’t help the procrastination if it’s my own thoughts. I can’t understand sarcasm well at all but I’m good with emotions.
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Anonymous1502
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(Original post by Greywolftwo)
For me, my parents thought it was just bad behaviour when I was a child and punished me for it, kind of hate them for that; the amount of trauma they caused
In primary school I had the same issue I was always in the naughty corner despite not doing anything bad. I was only diagnosed aged 18. I hated primary school I was bullied a lot as a result.
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Greywolf.
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(Original post by Anonymous1502)
In primary school I had the same issue I was always in the naughty corner despite not doing anything bad. I was only diagnosed aged 18. I hated primary school I was bullied a lot as a result.
I’ve always been bullied throughout school, never had friends
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Anonymous1502
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(Original post by Greywolftwo)
I’ve always been bullied throughout school, never had friends
Are things going any better now for you? I hope everything will work itself out eventually I send you my best wishes for the future :console:
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Greywolf.
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(Original post by Anonymous1502)
Are things going any better now for you? I hope everything will work itself out eventually I send you my best wishes for the future :console:
Things have gotten worse since lockdown seeing as I have no friends.
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Anonymous1502
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(Original post by Greywolftwo)
Things have gotten worse since lockdown seeing as I have no friends.
If you ever need someone to talk to, feel free to pm me. I hope this lock down finishes soon too.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by jodie9165)
my boyfriend always gets upset when i annoy him, i don't mean to do it but i know how impulsive i can be. i want him to understand autism better but i feel like he'll think i'm just using it as an excuse. Can anybody help me with away i can explain or annoy him less
im in a similar situation my anxiety is highly linked with my autism i dont think my so understands at all id say just tell them how bad it can be and be honest to him and to your self in the end hope things pick up
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