Boyfriend looking at p**n and other girls

My boyfriend is looking at p*rn and other girl pictures when I told him I feel uncomfortable and it makes me insecure that he does that. And he just replies with “when I’m doing it I always think about you doing it to me” but that does not help especially when he knows my insecurities and he sees all these other women who have good bodies and etc and I can’t help myself and cry. We are LDR and I understand that it’s difficult when it comes to all of that stuff and I’m trying to get more comfortable in my body so I could give him stuff so he wouldn’t look at other women’s p*rn and pictures but he still does look at them even when I’ve given him stuff.

It hurts and I don’t want him to not watch it because I don’t want to control him. And I can’t let go off him.

Reply 1

Anonymous #2

How often does he watch porn or look at pictures? I'm not saying what he is doing is okay, but alot of guys and girls watch porn while in a relationship. However, since you're not happy with the situation, he should respect that, the same as I would if I was with someone.

How often do you see him? Do you ever do facetime at all? Just thinking if he wants to enjoy himself in the time he's not with you as you've got a LDR.

Reply 2

Toscana

22

this study claims that youre twice as likely to divorce if one of you watch porn https://www.sciencemag.org/news/2016/08/divorce-rates-double-when-people-start-watching-porn# take that as you will

Reply 3

awkwardshortguy

20

That is an interesting question.

Reply 4

Anonymous #3

Original post by Anonymous

My boyfriend is looking at p*rn and other girl pictures when I told him I feel uncomfortable and it makes me insecure that he does that. And he just replies with “when I’m doing it I always think about you doing it to me”

haha the most typical of male answers.

Reply 5

Anonymous #1

OP

Not very helpful

Original post by Anonymous

haha the most typical of male answers.

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Anonymous

How often does he watch porn or look at pictures? I'm not saying what he is doing is okay, but alot of guys and girls watch porn while in a relationship. However, since you're not happy with the situation, he should respect that, the same as I would if I was with someone.

How often do you see him? Do you ever do facetime at all? Just thinking if he wants to enjoy himself in the time he's not with you as you've got a LDR.

We talk as much as we can when we’re both awake and ft during his work breaks and I stay up for him to get home.

He watches it quite a few times a week.

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

OP

UPDATE: I’ve spoken to him about it and he felt really bad and guilty. I don’t think it will stop him from watching porn but I just said “don’t tell me about” and I also told him I’m going to step back from sending him stuff. He genuinely feels bad for making me feel like.

Reply 8

kgnmc

10

Original post by Anonymous

My boyfriend is looking at p*rn and other girl pictures when I told him I feel uncomfortable and it makes me insecure that he does that. And he just replies with “when I’m doing it I always think about you doing it to me” but that does not help especially when he knows my insecurities and he sees all these other women who have good bodies and etc and I can’t help myself and cry. We are LDR and I understand that it’s difficult when it comes to all of that stuff and I’m trying to get more comfortable in my body so I could give him stuff so he wouldn’t look at other women’s p*rn and pictures but he still does look at them even when I’ve given him stuff.

It hurts and I don’t want him to not watch it because I don’t want to control him. And I can’t let go off him.

Your mental health should be priority over him. Either have a serious conversation with him about why it makes you upset, or break up with him.
However, it's likely that he'll continue to do it anyway out of habit. I would dump him in your situation.

Reply 9

Anonymous #4

Original post by Anonymous

UPDATE: I’ve spoken to him about it and he felt really bad and guilty. I don’t think it will stop him from watching porn but I just said “don’t tell me about” and I also told him I’m going to step back from sending him stuff. He genuinely feels bad for making me feel like.

If he genuinely felt bad then he would stop doing it. Are guys so weak and addicted they cannot stop watching porn even when they have an upset and affected gf?

Reply 10

Issakatie

18

Porn is a superstimuli thus can cause lots of negative effects with regards to the individual, and relationships and views on women and sex etc. Just because lots of people use it doesn't mean you have to be okay with it, or that it's good. Choosing to be in a monogamous relationship, you are choosing to forsake others for your sexual pleasure (ie you choose to be sexually exclusive) and porn is acting upon attraction for other people. Most importantly, if you are unhappy with it which is 100% reasonable your bf should exercise some self control, do some research and should respect your views and feelings. If he has hurt your feelings then he should stop, if he does not he cares more about porn than you.

Reply 11

StriderHort

21

Original post by Anonymous

UPDATE: I’ve spoken to him about it and he felt really bad and guilty. I don’t think it will stop him from watching porn but I just said “don’t tell me about” and I also told him I’m going to step back from sending him stuff. He genuinely feels bad for making me feel like.

Sounds like you've just put your relationship back several steps. You're just making your insecurities HIS problem. :/

Original post by Anonymous

If he genuinely felt bad then he would stop doing it. Are guys so weak and addicted they cannot stop watching porn even when they have an upset and affected gf?

Genuinely baffled women never get this, jerking off/porn is generally about taking care of a need, and taking care of it efficiently without complications, in fairness, it CAN be overindulged in, but the idea that a partner gets that upset when you watch sex on TV (which is what it is) is laughable, are you supposed to get up and leave the room if someone takes their top off?

It's controlling behvaiour and messes with someones bodily autonomy, if a girl was having her period and the guy felt the need to keep following them about the house moaning 'that could have been my child! why are you doing this?' you'd tell them to fk right off, wouldn't you?

Reply 12

username5133584

14

Original post by Issakatie

Porn is a superstimuli thus can cause lots of negative effects with regards to the individual, and relationships and views on women and sex etc. Just because lots of people use it doesn't mean you have to be okay with it, or that it's good. Choosing to be in a monogamous relationship, you are choosing to forsake others for your sexual pleasure (ie you choose to be sexually exclusive) and porn is acting upon attraction for other people. Most importantly, if you are unhappy with it which is 100% reasonable your bf should exercise some self control, do some research and should respect your views and feelings. If he has hurt your feelings then he should stop, if he does not he cares more about porn than you.

I totally agree with this. I have never watched it because it’s so unhealthy, fake and unrealistic- and to be honest I’ve just never been interested in it. Makes me feel sick tbh haha as from all those unwanted pop-ups on websites and bots on instagram, it’s completely degrading in my opinion. So there are people out there who don’t, just because people do watch it doesn’t make it ‘normal’. Normal is what you are comfortable with. I’ve been in a serious relationship for almost 3 years now, my boyfriend used to watch it when he was younger but became uninterested even before we got together for similar reasons as I stated before/he grew out of it. I feel it’s more something you do/might have a need to do/interest in when you’re single? Maybe I’ve got lucky hahah, but trust me there will be other men the same. But obviously, as others have stated, there’s people who do watch it and do so together and that’s completely normal too! It’s all about what you’re comfortable with in your own relationship. For me, I feel it’s a bit disrespectful to your partner to be pleasuring yourself or whatever to random people on the internet and not something I would ever do, especially since we have sex around 4 times a week and are very, very happy. I don’t see the ‘need’ in a relationship, certainly not in our relationship. Now I am not saying that if you don’t have regular sex it’s justified for him to do this because it’s not, as you say you can exchange pictures yourselves. Nor is it something he needs to feel insecure about, but I think maybe you both need to have a sit-down serious conversation. If you are not comfortable with it he should respect that, but if he’s insecure I’d try to understand his point of view and maybe come to a compromise about it? However what I think is most important to remember is that what’s ‘normal’ is what YOU (both) feel comfortable with. Every relationship is different. If you’re both happy, who cares?

Normally I would post something like this anonymously but feel it might be of more worth to you if I’m not hiding behind an anonymous profile lol x

Original post by StriderHort

Genuinely baffled women never get this, jerking off/porn is generally about taking care of a need, and taking care of it efficiently without complications, in fairness, it CAN be overindulged in, but the idea that a partner gets that upset when you watch sex on TV (which is what it is) is laughable, are you supposed to get up and leave the room if someone takes their top off?

It's controlling behvaiour and messes with someones bodily autonomy, if a girl was having her period and the guy felt the need to keep following them about the house moaning 'that could have been my child! why are you doing this?' you'd tell them to fk right off, wouldn't you?

I’m sorry but where have you got the impression that everybody jerks off to sex scenes when watching films lol? You don’t have to have your d*ck out every time somebody is having sex, my God. Jerking off to porn and watching movies/TV with sex scenes in are not the same. She is clearly not talking about that.

(edited 4 years ago)

Reply 13

ANM775

20

Original post by Toscana

this study claims that youre twice as likely to divorce if one of you watch porn https://www.sciencemag.org/news/2016/08/divorce-rates-double-when-people-start-watching-porn# take that as you will

Is this why you don't like porn @londonmyst 😁

Reply 14

StriderHort

21

Original post by shauna.gx

I’m sorry but where have you got the impression that everybody jerks off to sex scenes when watching films lol? You don’t have to have your d*ck out every time somebody is having sex, my God. Jerking off to porn and watching movies/TV with sex scenes in are not the same. She is clearly not talking about that.

Yeah there's a reason i said jerking off / porn, see, I separated the two?

My point is that if you get jealous over your partner seeing sex on tv and their body responding it's a one way street to staying jealous.

Reply 15

username5133584

14

Original post by StriderHort

Yeah there's a reason i said jerking off / porn, see, I separated the two?

My point is that if you get jealous over your partner seeing sex on tv and their body responding it's a one way street to staying jealous.

Oh, sorry about that. But I don’t think actively seeking out porn is the same as watching a TV program/film with sex in it, then again I do agree with some of what you are saying xx Sorry about that again haha! X

Like.. in some films sex scenes are a minor part of the movie. I wholeheartedly agree seeking out a film completely centred around sex/just to see sex is very similar to just watching that. Then again I’ve never watched it hahaha x

(edited 4 years ago)

Reply 16

StriderHort

21

Original post by shauna.gx

Oh, sorry about that. But I don’t think actively seeking out porn is the same as watching a TV program/film with sex in it, then again I do agree with some of what you are saying xx Sorry about that again haha! X

Like.. in some films sex scenes are a minor part of the movie. I wholeheartedly agree a film completely centred around sex is very similar to just watching that. Then again I’ve never watched it hahaha x

Like many things in life, it's never black and white, always a wide scale.

One one side you have extreme insecure puritanism, the other, an inability to connect or form relationships with real people .

I wouldn't argue porn can be bad, like anything else that gets the old dopamine and endorphins going it can be addictive and lead to habitual associations, it can be said it portrays v unrealistic relationships and sex, but we're back to the 'watching tv' thing again, you're expecting the audience to understand they're watching fiction.

Reply 17

Anonymous #4

Original post by StriderHort

Sounds like you've just put your relationship back several steps. You're just making your insecurities HIS problem. :/

Genuinely baffled women never get this, jerking off/porn is generally about taking care of a need, and taking care of it efficiently without complications, in fairness, it CAN be overindulged in, but the idea that a partner gets that upset when you watch sex on TV (which is what it is) is laughable, are you supposed to get up and leave the room if someone takes their top off?

It's controlling behvaiour and messes with someones bodily autonomy, if a girl was having her period and the guy felt the need to keep following them about the house moaning 'that could have been my child! why are you doing this?' you'd tell them to fk right off, wouldn't you?

Um the difference is that periods are natural, masturbation is natural, but porn is not. OP also didn't complain about sex in films, she complained he was seeking out other women and porn, so that's irrelevant rn. There's nothing wrong with masturbating and she's not telling him not to. You shouldn't need porn in order to orgasm. If you do you have a dependency / addiction.