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boyfriend ran away from me right lockdown

so my boyfriend and i have been together for 3 years, and have lived together for 2 of those. just as the whole coronavirus stuff was starting to get serious, i came up with a list of all the fun things we would do together to pass the time during lockdown if it came to that. he then said, 'actually i am going back to me family' (parents and two siblins). when i asked when he was planning to leave, he said tomorrow morning. i was a bit shocked at how sudden this all was, and that he didn't discuss the options with me. i didn't have a home to go to, as it is very abusive, and not safe for me, meaning i would spent weeks, or possible months in solitary isolation. i told him this, and explained how scared i was, but he would not change his mind. he said that i could go with him if i wanted, but last time i saw his family, his mother shouted and screamed in my face, and his father refuses to even look at me. in 3 years he has not said even 'hello' to me. so i said that it was hardly an option, but he still refused to stay with me. its been 5 weeks since he left, and he goes days without texting me, and always says he can't call because he is busy. he once went 6 days with no contact, and i got so scared that i rang his mother to see if he is okay, and she said he has been busy rearranging furniture...this doesn't seem a great excuse to me? like, it only takes 5 seconds to send a text saying 'don't worry i am still alive'!
i have been extremely depressed as i am struggling to cope on my own. when i told him this, and asked him to call, he still didnt! i asked why the next day, and he said "sorry, i was watching TV'. AM I BEING CRAZY, OR IS THIS TOTALLY UNCARING? i would freak out if a stranger sent me a message like that!

i asked if he wanted to break up and he started crying and said no. after this, he was really great for about 4 or 5 days, but now he has gone back to his usual ways of ignoring me. what should i do? am i wrong by being so hurt by this? it's making me question our future together. truth is though, no matter how much he hurts me, i can't trust that i'd ever leave him. i have nobody else. no friends, and no family.

am i just overreacting?

p.s. this is the 6th time he has gone back home this year. i should also mention that we are both 25, and were planning on getting married next year.

(edited 4 years ago)

Reply 1

Abzzz57

Hi,

It sounds like a rough situation, and i'm sorry you are going through it! Did you guys move in together before lockdown happened or did he just stay over at yours a lot?

I would be frustrated if my boyfriend was ignoring me to watch TV and choosing to go home to his parents when he is planning a future with you. Would you say he was the type of person to break up with you if he really wanted to or is in using this time to kind of fade out from your life?

If possible set a specific time to skype or video chat and tell him how you're feeling. Remind him that you don't really have anyone else and if you are planning on getting married then he needs to be a lot more supportive. Try and listen to what he says and make sure you write everything down beforehand so you don't get lost.

In the meantime focus on you, try and build up your confidence so that you don't have to rely on him so heavily. Keep yourself busy and try and be creative or exercise to take your mind of things.

Hope it works out!