(Triggers: Rape) He wants to be friends again after raping me...

OP

Original post by sammyj97

Report him.

I'm torn. If I report him he will lose everything and I can't see myself doing that to another person. I've already forgiven him for what he's done, so that I could move on with my life, but does forgiveness always mean giving a second chance?

Reply 3

AnonymousNoMore

Original post by sammyj97

Report him. He’s just being chummy again so he doesn’t get in trouble. Don’t let him get away with this, he’ll do it again to another female in the future. This isn’t like breaking a plate on accident or an expensive vase... he drugged and raped you, how sick in the head does he have to been.

Reporting wouldnt achieve much at this point, there is no way any evidence is still applicable considering its been weeks, unless she had friends who witness the drugging and the sex.
All it would do is attach a label to the guy.. If she wants that fine, do it. But legally wise, it won't achieve much. I'm sorry.

Reply 4

Anonymous #2

*bangs head against table*

Reply 5

brionyvj

Please don't give him second chance- rape is never an 'accident' or 'mistake on their behalf', it is a choice he made and he should know the consequences. Ask yourself if you really want to be friends with someone who did that to you. I would recommended reporting him but i get that it people don't feel comfortable with that. Forgiveness is great but it doesn't mean giving a second chance. Obviously i've never been in your situation before so i can't even imagine it. Im sorry this has happened

Reply 6

Racresmol

Sorry to sound harsh, but there's a difference between forgiving and being stupid.
Forgiveness is about making peace with him and letting go of any feelings of hate, revenge or resentment. Forgiveness isn't a blank slate where you offer untrustworthy people the chance to hurt you again.

Reply 7

username5252878

Original post by Anonymous

Me and this guy met on a university group chat three months before uni and talked a lot. We got very close. We established mutually that we'd have a friends with benefits type relationship early on. When we finally met at uni, he ended up giving me a drug and having sex with me. It was non-consensual on my part. The days and weeks after were extremely hard for me and lead to me withdrawing from the uni to take a gap year so I could restabilize my mind. He recently apologised to me profusely and expressed that he really wants to be friends again. I've been indulging that idea, as I've been conversing with him for hours a day, because we do get along amazingly well. I'm not sure what I should do. Do I stay friends with him in spite of him abusing me? Or do I completely let go and report him to the uni/police? I'm so torn because one part of me really misses that friendship that we had, but the other is telling me that he can't get away with this. I'm an extremely forgiving person, and sometimes that works to my detriment. I had forgiven him for what he had done, only so that I could move on with my life and not be weighed down by hatred, but do I give him a second chance? I need advice. Thank you.

Hun, irrespective of the friendship and how you personally feel about this guy, he raped you. He took full advantage of you, when he obviously had no right to. I’m sorry it happened but it’s your perogrative if you want to report it. Personally it wouldn’t achieve much as from what I have interpreted it’s your words against his.

I would personally advise don’t go running back as he’s not worth it. Trust me.

(edited 3 years ago)

Reply 8

OP

Original post by AnonymousNoMore

Reporting wouldnt achieve much at this point, there is no way any evidence is still applicable considering its been weeks, unless she had friends who witness the drugging and the sex.
All it would do is attach a label to the guy.. If she wants that fine, do it. But legally wise, it won't achieve much. I'm sorry.

I have written confession from him though, he admits it in the texts he sent me.

Reply 9

Anonymous #3

Report him! Obviously he’s going to apologise since you guys have a friends with benefits situation! That’s all he cares about he doesn’t give a **** about you. His behaviour was disgusting and he’s a liability not just to you but to any other woman he may be friends with! You don’t miss what you had, you’re missing a lie, he put on an act clearly because firstly no sane person does this and especially not someone you’re “very close to”

Reply 10

OP

Original post by Thecrazydoughnut

Hun, irrespective of the friendship and how you personally feel about this guy, he raped you. He took full advantage of you, when he obviously had no right to. I’m sorry it happened but it’s your perogrative if you want to report it. Personally it wouldn’t achieve much as from what I have interpreted it’s your words against his.

I would personally advise don’t go running back as he’s not worth it. Trust me.

You're right, thank you. And I have written confession from him aswell and many people willing to testify.

Reply 11

OP

Original post by Racresmol

Sorry to sound harsh, but there's a difference between forgiving and being stupid.
Forgiveness is about making peace with him and letting go of any feelings of hate, revenge or resentment. Forgiveness isn't a blank slate where you offer untrustworthy people the chance to hurt you again.

It's just that, I've already let go of my resentment to him so I can't help but talk to him somewhat normally now.

Reply 12

Surnia

Original post by Anonymous

I'm torn. If I report him he will lose everything and I can't see myself doing that to another person. I've already forgiven him for what he's done, so that I could move on with my life, but does forgiveness always mean giving a second chance?

Report him to the police; it could be part of a pattern of behaviour and this could be an opportunity to stop him. I also suggest you use any services they offer or that you seek counselling as you are clearly not in a good place over this rape, no matter what you may think. Lose his freedom and the chance to inflict his brutal self on society? Good! You have lost a year of your life and if he has done or does do this to anyone else, they could lose their mental and physical health, family, friends, job....

Why do you think he wants to be friends? It's because he's got someone who is a soft touch who hasn't spoken up about what happened, and he could attack you again. Men who are truly friendly and caring don't use drugs to rape someone; they respect their partner's decisions and their bodies. He doesn't deserve another chance to hurt and abuse you again, or to do this to anyone else. For the sake of yourself and other women, don't talk to him again; talk to the police!

Reply 13

Napp

22

You allege he raped you but you also get along, not just well, but 'amazingly well'? ... Somewhat confusing i must say?

At any rate, if you do believe he raped you you should be conversing with the police not making nice with him.

Reply 14

AnonymousNoMore

Original post by Anonymous

I have written confession from him though, he admits it in the texts he sent me.

Report him

Reply 15

Anonymous #4

Original post by anonymous

me and this guy met on a university group chat three months before uni and talked a lot. We got very close. We established mutually that we'd have a friends with benefits type relationship early on. When we finally met at uni, he ended up giving me a drug and having sex with me. It was non-consensual on my part. The days and weeks after were extremely hard for me and lead to me withdrawing from the uni to take a gap year so i could restabilize my mind. He recently apologised to me profusely and expressed that he really wants to be friends again. I've been indulging that idea, as i've been conversing with him for hours a day, because we do get along amazingly well. I'm not sure what i should do. Do i stay friends with him in spite of him abusing me? Or do i completely let go and report him to the uni/police? I'm so torn because one part of me really misses that friendship that we had, but the other is telling me that he can't get away with this. I'm an extremely forgiving person, and sometimes that works to my detriment. I had forgiven him for what he had done, only so that i could move on with my life and not be weighed down by hatred, but do i give him a second chance? I need advice. Thank you.

do not! It is not okay what he did and if u rekindle the relationship with him he will think that his behaviour was acceptable.

Reply 16

Greywolf.

22

Original post by Anonymous

Me and this guy met on a university group chat three months before uni and talked a lot. We got very close. We established mutually that we'd have a friends with benefits type relationship early on. When we finally met at uni, he ended up giving me a drug and having sex with me. It was non-consensual on my part. The days and weeks after were extremely hard for me and lead to me withdrawing from the uni to take a gap year so I could restabilize my mind. He recently apologised to me profusely and expressed that he really wants to be friends again. I've been indulging that idea, as I've been conversing with him for hours a day, because we do get along amazingly well. I'm not sure what I should do. Do I stay friends with him in spite of him abusing me? Or do I completely let go and report him to the uni/police? I'm so torn because one part of me really misses that friendship that we had, but the other is telling me that he can't get away with this. I'm an extremely forgiving person, and sometimes that works to my detriment. I had forgiven him for what he had done, only so that I could move on with my life and not be weighed down by hatred, but do I give him a second chance? I need advice. Thank you.

Don’t let him get away with it, if he’s not punished for it, he’ll only do it again.

Reply 17

username5252878

Original post by Napp

You allege he raped you but you also get along, not just well, but 'amazingly well'? ... Somewhat confusing i must say?

At any rate, if you do believe he raped you you should be conversing with the police not making nice with him.

It goes both ways though. The dudes only making amends as he knows he’s in the wrong and obviously doesn’t want to be locked up.

A soft touch like OP he was under the impression she wouldn’t report it. Report it and get it done please OP. You’re seriously best rid of someone who’s used your body.

Reply 18

ANM775