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Fat Boyfriend :(
My boyfriend and I have been together for three and a half years. Our relationship started in difficult circumstances and he was suffering from depression at the time and had lost loads of weight so he was probably a bit too skinny for what he should have been. Gradually, he started to put weight back on, which I was very happy about. However, he's gone right the other way and now is very, very overweight - the biggest he's ever been.
I'm really at the end of my tether now. I've tried to help him lose weight loads of times, encouraging him to go running/go to the gym/eat better, but he never is at all bothered and to be honest, I don't find him very physically attractive any more, to the extent that I don't enjoy sleeping with him very much at the moment. It sounds so horrible and it's crushing me inside because I still love him so much and don't want to lose him, but he won't listen to me. I put on a few 'happy' pounds over my gap year and both of us eating rubbish together at uni but I've lost them again because I want to look the best I can for him and so he would (hopefully) still find me sexy. I'm also sick of snide comments I get from my family all the time (all of whom are complete gym freaks apart from me) about the 'state' he's in at his age. I've been trying to ignore them, but I keep secretly finding myself agreeing and hating myself for it.
I just don't know what to do
Please help. I definitely don't want to split up with him, nor do I want to tell him that I'm not enjoying sex (although I think he might have guessed a bit because I'm not in the mood as half as much as I used to be.) It's difficult for him because he's a vegetarian but doesn't like basics like onions and peppers so he survives mostly on cheese and stodgy foods like potatoes. He's also not 'conventionally' attractive and used to suffer loads with self-esteem issues when he was younger due to severe acne so I don't want to take him back there.
How can I drop hints a bit more heavily, but without coming out with the complete brutal truth? Thanks so much x
I'm really at the end of my tether now. I've tried to help him lose weight loads of times, encouraging him to go running/go to the gym/eat better, but he never is at all bothered and to be honest, I don't find him very physically attractive any more, to the extent that I don't enjoy sleeping with him very much at the moment. It sounds so horrible and it's crushing me inside because I still love him so much and don't want to lose him, but he won't listen to me. I put on a few 'happy' pounds over my gap year and both of us eating rubbish together at uni but I've lost them again because I want to look the best I can for him and so he would (hopefully) still find me sexy. I'm also sick of snide comments I get from my family all the time (all of whom are complete gym freaks apart from me) about the 'state' he's in at his age. I've been trying to ignore them, but I keep secretly finding myself agreeing and hating myself for it.
I just don't know what to do
Please help. I definitely don't want to split up with him, nor do I want to tell him that I'm not enjoying sex (although I think he might have guessed a bit because I'm not in the mood as half as much as I used to be.) It's difficult for him because he's a vegetarian but doesn't like basics like onions and peppers so he survives mostly on cheese and stodgy foods like potatoes. He's also not 'conventionally' attractive and used to suffer loads with self-esteem issues when he was younger due to severe acne so I don't want to take him back there.How can I drop hints a bit more heavily, but without coming out with the complete brutal truth? Thanks so much x
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what are your looks like
hi
i think Love is the most important
and when u split from him,,, u may not find someone loves u like him
i advise u to be honest with him and tell him u do not enjoy sex with him,,,i think this motivates him and at the beginning u should tell him u love him soo much and u could not leave him a second
he will think of doing diet then ,,
i think Love is the most important
and when u split from him,,, u may not find someone loves u like him
i advise u to be honest with him and tell him u do not enjoy sex with him,,,i think this motivates him and at the beginning u should tell him u love him soo much and u could not leave him a second
he will think of doing diet then ,,
you could turn into an alcoholic chubby chaser instead of him having to change? it could work.
in all seriousness though, maybe brutal honesty is what he needs right now. sometimes people need a harsh kick up the bottom, no matter how hurtful it may seem. in the long run it might be better. he could be thanking you for your brutish ways in a years time.
in all seriousness though, maybe brutal honesty is what he needs right now. sometimes people need a harsh kick up the bottom, no matter how hurtful it may seem. in the long run it might be better. he could be thanking you for your brutish ways in a years time.
I suggest YOU both start going to the gym or go running etc.
If you go with him, you'll be supporting him.
I know your not a health freak but if you don't put the effort in then he might not.
Also, when you eat out don't go to unhealthy places, go to smoothie bars / cafe's / sandwich shops etc.
Hope this helps
Your family sound a bit mean, but I know where there coming from but have you reminded them that genetics play a significant role? (Even more so than exercising in some cases)
Also, persuade him to eat vegetables rather than cheese even though he doesn't like them.
If you go with him, you'll be supporting him.
I know your not a health freak but if you don't put the effort in then he might not.
Also, when you eat out don't go to unhealthy places, go to smoothie bars / cafe's / sandwich shops etc.
Hope this helps
Your family sound a bit mean, but I know where there coming from but have you reminded them that genetics play a significant role? (Even more so than exercising in some cases)
Also, persuade him to eat vegetables rather than cheese even though he doesn't like them.
To get things into perspective, what sort of weight is he now, and what was he before he started putting it back on?
--Dan--
I suggest YOU both start going to the gym or go running etc.
If you go with him, you'll be supporting him.
I know your not a health freak but if you don't put the effort in then he might not.
Also, when you eat out don't go to unhealthy places, go to smoothie bars / cafe's / sandwich shops etc.
Hope this helps
Your family sound a bit mean, but I know where there coming from but have you reminded them that genetics play a significant role? (Even more so than exercising in some cases)
Also, persuade him to eat vegetables rather than cheese even though he doesn't like them.
If you go with him, you'll be supporting him.
I know your not a health freak but if you don't put the effort in then he might not.
Also, when you eat out don't go to unhealthy places, go to smoothie bars / cafe's / sandwich shops etc.
Hope this helps
Your family sound a bit mean, but I know where there coming from but have you reminded them that genetics play a significant role? (Even more so than exercising in some cases)
Also, persuade him to eat vegetables rather than cheese even though he doesn't like them.
They're not particularly mean - they're just a bit bemused I think. This is going to sound very dreadful, but we've always been the subject of teasing/general nasty comments, especially from people at school when we first started going out because I'm kind of pretty in the traditional sense and I'm size 8/10 etc and he's never really been stunning. It always made me really defensive because I think he's good looking and I didn't really care what they thought, but now it's getting harder and harder to ignore. I'm sick of people being all 'Oh. THIS is your boyfriend?' I know if he made the effort to get a nice body and bothered to use some face products for oily skin he'd be so so good looking again.
Thanks for the point about me going to the gym though. I definitely should - doesn't help that i hate it! I questioned him about going swimming next week in the mornings (something which I do like) but he doesn't want to be seen in trunks at his size. I guess I'll have to suck it up and go to the gym.
Anonymous
To get things into perspective, what sort of weight is he now, and what was he before he started putting it back on?
He was about 11 stone and 5ft 11 when we started going out, and now he's 16 stone. It's all like love handles round his sides in particular and a little bit of the man boobage. I keep looking at people like Stu on Big Brother and getting really depressed that he doesn't seem to even want to try and buff up a bit. I know he'd feel so much better if he did.
I think you should tell him what you have told us. Difficult but for the best i think.
Anonymous
He was about 11 stone and 5ft 11 when we started going out, and now he's 16 stone. It's all like love handles round his sides in particular and a little bit of the man boobage. I keep looking at people like Stu on Big Brother and getting really depressed that he doesn't seem to even want to try and buff up a bit. I know he'd feel so much better if he did.
16 stone is a dangerous weight to be at as I'm sure you're aware. Maybe you could start going to the gym off your own back, without even suggesting he needs to do so as well, and then suggest he goes too, as that's where you'll be, if you know what I mean. Not sure how well it would work, but in theory it would get him into the gym under the pretense of social reasons, not weight lose.
asswipe
why will none of my ****ing threads work.
because you're 12
Honestly, the brutal thruth is what he needs. When i put on a stone or two over the past 6 months, which caused me and my boyfriend to argue like mad as I was in such a bad mood because i felt like ****, my boyfriend just came out with the brutal truth and said the reason were arguing is because your unhappy with yourself so you cant feel happy about our relationship. He went off sex a bit although I think this was due to tiredness from work, but who knows. This really gave me a kick up the bum and although i cried for hours with all these horrible thoughts running through my head, for the past month or so since he has told me, i have had such an incentive to loose the weight, im nearly back in my size 10 clothes already x
x
Say - You're a fat bastard, you're getting no sex until you start eating salads and go for runs. - that'll work 
be like Flo in Andy Capp. Hold a rolling pin whilst you say it...
Oh I wanna watch Alf Garnet now
be like Flo in Andy Capp. Hold a rolling pin whilst you say it... Oh I wanna watch Alf Garnet now
thats funny
Say - You're a fat bastard, you're getting no sex until you start eating salads and go for runs. - that'll work be like Flo in Andy Capp. Hold a rolling pin whilst you say it...
Oh I wanna watch Alf Garnet now
be like Flo in Andy Capp. Hold a rolling pin whilst you say it... Oh I wanna watch Alf Garnet now
Lol I'm sure he'd go for that one! Unfortunately sex is the only vague physical activity that he currently gets so I might be cutting my nose off to spite my face a bit
I can imagine how hard it must be. It seems very comlicated and I can see how it it must feel. But do not think that you are horrible for feeling less attracted to him; it's perfectly natural. 
I was thinking maybe if you tried to diet and exercise plenty it might motivate him to do the same but as you said in your post it might be a long shot.
I think the best thing to to is to try and talk to him about it. As much as it might break your heart, I think you need to sit him down and explain to him that your your sex life with him isn't the same as before. Then tell him how you are starting to feel less physically attracted to him. Reassure him that you still love him no matter what. But, explain how you are worried about the way he is going and that you are concerned that your sex life could suffer. Make absoloutely clear to him that you love him and you will help him through anything.
You need to support him through it. It is quite a sensitive issue giving his past of depression so you need to be delicate in your approach and not to strong-worded. Remember, you need to talk to him about it as soon as you can. If you leave it, he'll get worse and you couldend up finding yourself having no attraction to him at all.
I was thinking maybe if you tried to diet and exercise plenty it might motivate him to do the same but as you said in your post it might be a long shot.
I think the best thing to to is to try and talk to him about it. As much as it might break your heart, I think you need to sit him down and explain to him that your your sex life with him isn't the same as before. Then tell him how you are starting to feel less physically attracted to him. Reassure him that you still love him no matter what. But, explain how you are worried about the way he is going and that you are concerned that your sex life could suffer. Make absoloutely clear to him that you love him and you will help him through anything.
You need to support him through it. It is quite a sensitive issue giving his past of depression so you need to be delicate in your approach and not to strong-worded. Remember, you need to talk to him about it as soon as you can. If you leave it, he'll get worse and you couldend up finding yourself having no attraction to him at all.
jessica675
Honestly, the brutal thruth is what he needs. When i put on a stone or two over the past 6 months, which caused me and my boyfriend to argue like mad as I was in such a bad mood because i felt like ****, my boyfriend just came out with the brutal truth and said the reason were arguing is because your unhappy with yourself so you cant feel happy about our relationship. He went off sex a bit although I think this was due to tiredness from work, but who knows. This really gave me a kick up the bum and although i cried for hours with all these horrible thoughts running through my head, for the past month or so since he has told me, i have had such an incentive to loose the weight, im nearly back in my size 10 clothes already x
xAw I'm really glad things are working out for you. I did hint at the brutal truth when we had a fight though but then he just said 'Great. So you don't find me physically attractive anymore' and had a massive sulk. Argh.
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