Do most LDRs fail?

I've been in a couple before, they failed. What usually happens is that communication fizzles out and there starts to be doubt from one or both sides. There's always that fear that the other person meets someone in close proximity and things move forward and then we are just left as an internet chatmate.

Other issues I had was not being in the person's physical presence, body energy, most communication done via text and just impatience and frustration. Then there is the financial cost which adds up over time and then resentment from one side that is doing the most travelling along with a lot of other misunderstandings.

Has anyone ever been successful in an LDR, what's your story? How long were you long distance and how did you make it work?
Also other people whos LDR failed, how long did yours last? Mine was just 3 months, so I really wonder how people go on for years and years.

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Reply 1

PetitePanda

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I dont know if mine counts but in 7 days, we would've been together for 9 months officially and this is my first long-distance relationship

Reply 2

ceylon99

Original post by PetitePanda

I dont know if mine counts but in 7 days, we would've been together for 9 months officially and this is my first long-distance relationship

So you are still together after 9 months?

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

They usually fail. Especially at certain circumstances, if youre at different life stages, if youre going to uni or anything where theyll be meeting lots of people and theres lots of alcohol, drugs and casual sex. Time zones and people also get tired of not being able to see eachother. Im in a position where i am falling for someonet that lives really far but i know its unlikely to work out so eh not gonna bother

Reply 4

PetitePanda

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Original post by ceylon99

So you are still together after 9 months?

Yessss

Reply 5

ceylon99

Original post by Anonymous

Yeah I agree that the uni ones are unlikely to succeed, especially in an unregulated sexual world. Chances are, the other person has met someone in close proximity and has sparked attraction and things move forward in real, and then you can just be left as an internet pen pal, which is doing yourself a disservice.

Reply 6

bscape

I think they can work if both people are committed. I have friends who've been in LDRs for years and we're talking large distances- like Hong Kong/ London. I think it's all down to what you're like as a person. I know once I'm committed, I'm committed. But my ex was scared of one so we didn't work out even though it would have still been in Europe. Both people have to be equally invested I think but if that's the case and you really want to be with each other then I've seen that they work! One thing I've heard over and over though is you need a definite end date. E.g. knowing that in a couple of years you will be together and actively working towards that. If it's the right person, it'll be worth it! ^.^

Reply 7

Greywolf.

Original post by PetitePanda

I dont know if mine counts but in 7 days, we would've been together for 9 months officially and this is my first long-distance relationship

Aww, yay!

Reply 8

PetitePanda

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Original post by bscape

I totally agree. Commitment is a big factor in this; although it's a good thing, it can be a bad thing as it's scary that a ldr could go no where so you have to make sure you are committed. Aww this is so wholesome

Reply 9

PetitePanda

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Original post by Greywolftwo

Aww, yay!

PRSOM thank you <3

Reply 10

londonmyst

Yes, most fail.
Especially when people are based in different time zones and can only physically meetup a couple of times a year.
The average healthy sexually active person will usually want sex at least once a month.
People usually get frustrated or jealous when they can't see their partner frequently and can lose enthusiasm for an LDR because of this.

Reply 11

Greywolf.

Original post by PetitePanda

PRSOM thank you <3

I’m just hoping I’ll have one someday soon

Reply 12

PetitePanda

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Original post by Greywolftwo

I’m just hoping I’ll have one someday soon

I hope you do as well soon

Reply 13

Sinnoh

depends on how much light there is
:ahee:

Reply 14

PetitePanda

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Tbh patience is also a big factor to LDRs as well. Both need to be considerate of each other's schedules. It's really stressful and hard work because of the uncertainty on the other side and the lack of presence, especially sexually as well. You need to make sure you want to continue with an LDR but also make sure you communicate with your partner with any problems in your relationship because it is easy to destroy it if you can't communicate both your problems and work on it. You also need to have some sort of schedule of contacting each other because it's necessary in a long distance relationship.

Reply 15

Malevolent

Most do fail, its incredibly hard to get used to. Its not the big things like birthdays that you struggle with. Its the small things, Its wanting a cuddle if you've had a tough day, waking up and having that person there etc. The level of trust you need in each other is very high too. If you're both at different points in life it most likely is going to fizzle, you both kinda need the same end goal otherwise who knows when that long distance is over?

Saying that it can work! My best mate was long distance with his now wife for 3 years. He was in Australia, where as she was in the UK and they made it work. They visited each other about every half a year not including Christmas.

Reply 16

ceylon99

Original post by londonmyst

That's what happened to me. It's not just the sex part, but the whole physical intimacy and body energy and just the knowledge of your significant other actually being there in real, rather than a virtual environment based on text, video calls and uncertainty. There are only so many virtual hugs you can give and it's just romantic words like I remember I was saying 'I wish I can be next to you and put my arms around you'. There's only so much 'I wish' you can do before the frustration really kicks in.