My best friend forgot the anniversary of my brother's death?

Watch
Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 6 months ago
#1
The other day was the first year anniversary of my brother's death. It was already emotional, but add to the fact that lockdown means that while I live with my parents, some of my siblings don't, and Skype just wasn't really enough to connect us that day.

Anyway, when it actually happened, I was at my friend's, so she knew when it happened. She knows how devastated I was and continue to be, but I feel like she's left me down. On the anniversary, she didn't remember at all. She text me briefly about her playing animal crossing, and that was it.

I don't know whether to be annoyed. I guess she's not part of the family, so she doesn't have to remember. I just feel like it's such a big thing in my life, she might want to remember so she could try and offer me support? With my parents grieving themselves, I often feel like i don't have anyone to form to with this, and this has just made me feel worse. Should I talk to my friend about it?
0
reply
The_Lonely_Goatherd
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#2
Report 6 months ago
#2
Hey,

I'm really sorry to hear about your brother's passing last year and the impact it continues to have on you. Can't imagine what that would be like, or what trying to connect with other grieving family members during lockdown would have felt like

I think it's understandable that you are upset that your friend didn't remember. I think having an open (but non-accusatory) conversation with your friend might be a good idea, so that she will try and remember/be more mindful in future?

I think it's important to emphasise that the date wouldn't be as etched in her memory as it naturally is in yours, though. I know that I've had/have friends who have lost close family but - even though I have the best intentions of trying to remember what the exact date was/how many years ago it was - I find myself accidentally missing death anniversaries all the time I want to be there for my friends but, in all honesty, I don't remember the dates without a calendar reminder
0
reply
Allie4
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#3
Report 6 months ago
#3
No offence but you couldn't be more wrong. Shes your friend, not your brothers. Therefore why would - or should - she remember your brothers anniversary? Would you remember the anniversary of any death that happened in her family??
1
reply
Anonymous #2
#4
Report 6 months ago
#4
(Original post by Anonymous)
The other day was the first year anniversary of my brother's death. It was already emotional, but add to the fact that lockdown means that while I live with my parents, some of my siblings don't, and Skype just wasn't really enough to connect us that day.

Anyway, when it actually happened, I was at my friend's, so she knew when it happened. She knows how devastated I was and continue to be, but I feel like she's left me down. On the anniversary, she didn't remember at all. She text me briefly about her playing animal crossing, and that was it.

I don't know whether to be annoyed. I guess she's not part of the family, so she doesn't have to remember. I just feel like it's such a big thing in my life, she might want to remember so she could try and offer me support? With my parents grieving themselves, I often feel like i don't have anyone to form to with this, and this has just made me feel worse. Should I talk to my friend about it?
Hey

It's understandable you're upset but I wouldn't take it as personal.

What you have to remember is people have their own lives and you can't expect them to remember everything about everybody else. If it's any consolation I never remember the exact anniversary of both of my nan's deaths without checking the calendar. It's not because I don't care or don't miss them I just never remember the exact date. Also, I don't know about you, but all my days in lockdown are blurring into one so she may just have forgotten.

If she's your best friend I'm assuming you're close so just send her a message explaining how you feel. I wouldn't be annoyed I doubt any malice was intended. If you don't feel like you have anyone to talk to you might want to consider talking to a grief counselor.

I hope that helps a little bit
0
reply
MrMusician95
Badges: 19
Rep:
?
#5
Report 6 months ago
#5
I'm sorry for your loss but believe me don't be upset with your friend. There are times I've forgotten the day my own grandparents passed away, let alone someone I'm not related to.
0
reply
goggleyed
Badges: 19
Rep:
?
#6
Report 6 months ago
#6
my best friend lost two of his younger brothers when he was at school and i don't know when their anniversaries are and i met both of them. they were nice kids but i didn't love them so why would i care enough to remember?
0
reply
Racresmol
Badges: 16
Rep:
?
#7
Report 6 months ago
#7
I don't remember the exact date when any of my grandparents passed away. I don't even remember my best friends' birthday. Some people really have a problem with dates, I think you're being too quick jumping to conclusions
0
reply
gjd800
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#8
Report 6 months ago
#8
I forget my own family members' anniversaries all the time. I understand that it's raw but I think your anger or disappointment is misplaced
1
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Back
to top
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

Should there be a new university admissions system that ditches predicted grades?

No, I think predicted grades should still be used to make offers (593)
34.1%
Yes, I like the idea of applying to uni after I received my grades (PQA) (720)
41.4%
Yes, I like the idea of receiving offers only after I receive my grades (PQO) (347)
19.95%
I think there is a better option than the ones suggested (let us know in the thread!) (79)
4.54%

Watched Threads

View All
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise