Sooooooo confused. Continue PhD or career????

Hi all,

I hope everyone is well and healthy. I will try and be brief, but as of late I am extremley confused about my LIFE (!). I have no idea what I want to do and, it seems, endless time to figure it out (due to covid) which is another type of aniexty in itself (I need to get out of the house, I am going crazy).

Basically, this past year I have started the first of my PhD and tbh it was going great. Have an excellent research question, got into the top uni in the UK for my course and into an Ivy League in the US for a visiting scholarship. I spent first semester in the UK then went to the US for half a semester before I had to go home due to covid. The issues began in the US, I lowkey realised I was kinda wishing I was like my friends (who are all working and none are in any type of education anymore) working, making money, getting apartments, just general adulting without the stress of school, etc. I started having these thoughts here and there but just put it down to stress or whatever. Then covid happens and I got pulled home early. That really messed up my momentum. But it did with everyone. Myself and all my peers have lost the will to work, concentrate or make any progress. Which is fairly normal in a PhD lifeline, espicially considering the circumstances. But me - I have REALLY recently lost interest. I am just SICK of reading 24/7, theorising till the cows come home, writing and rewriting about the same topics and concepts and just in general this PhD isn't exactly what I though it would be. I really thought it would be a little more practical than theoretical and I am not enjoying it as much now as I was in the beginning. Then I got some recent feedback from supervisors in which one of the them (there's 2) indicated I should rethink doing a PhD cos this IS how it is and it is only going to get harder/worse as the years progress. So that kinda threw me for a loop. Then on top of this, due to covid, fieldwork for PhD's (which is my next step) has been put on hold for at least 6 months to a year due to safety precautions. So that means my timeline is extended and I may not finish will I am 33/34. I am 28 now. That is waaaaaaaay too long to be a student and not make any real money/income (rn i just do random jobs at the uni that pay by the hour just as some pocket money but live mostly off student loans as I am self funded). And tbh the one thing I am most upset about rn in regards to not doing a PhD is that I can't go back to NYC for my visiting scholarship cos I loved life out there. But that isn't even realted to my PhD!!!! So as of now, I decided to take an academic intermission and just figure things out.

So my issues is I don't really know what to do. Do I carry on? I am not even sure I want to or that I enjoy it anymore. I originally wanted to do a PhD because I love research and learning and I love my question, but I know I def don't wanna be an academic so is there even a point? Plus I feel so guilty giving up on Ivy League and sad giving up my NYC life but also kinda wanna cry thinking about reading any more academic texts lol.But then option is to work but I have NO IDEA anymore what kinda job I wanna do. I work in the field of international development...and I have good experience but it is only about 5 years worth and any job I get would be just above entry level.

And this is just extra but I hate the idea of monotonous 9-5 life!!!!!!!! But I know realisitically there is not much I can do about this...thats just the world we live in. Lol. So maybe ignore this part.

Anyone been through anything simular? Major life choice/career confusion? Any advice is appriciaited. Thanks.

Reply 1

Keele University

13

Original post by beeba266

Hi all,

I hope everyone is well and healthy. I will try and be brief, but as of late I am extremley confused about my LIFE (!). I have no idea what I want to do and, it seems, endless time to figure it out (due to covid) which is another type of aniexty in itself (I need to get out of the house, I am going crazy).

Basically, this past year I have started the first of my PhD and tbh it was going great. Have an excellent research question, got into the top uni in the UK for my course and into an Ivy League in the US for a visiting scholarship. I spent first semester in the UK then went to the US for half a semester before I had to go home due to covid. The issues began in the US, I lowkey realised I was kinda wishing I was like my friends (who are all working and none are in any type of education anymore) working, making money, getting apartments, just general adulting without the stress of school, etc. I started having these thoughts here and there but just put it down to stress or whatever. Then covid happens and I got pulled home early. That really messed up my momentum. But it did with everyone. Myself and all my peers have lost the will to work, concentrate or make any progress. Which is fairly normal in a PhD lifeline, espicially considering the circumstances. But me - I have REALLY recently lost interest. I am just SICK of reading 24/7, theorising till the cows come home, writing and rewriting about the same topics and concepts and just in general this PhD isn't exactly what I though it would be. I really thought it would be a little more practical than theoretical and I am not enjoying it as much now as I was in the beginning. Then I got some recent feedback from supervisors in which one of the them (there's 2) indicated I should rethink doing a PhD cos this IS how it is and it is only going to get harder/worse as the years progress. So that kinda threw me for a loop. Then on top of this, due to covid, fieldwork for PhD's (which is my next step) has been put on hold for at least 6 months to a year due to safety precautions. So that means my timeline is extended and I may not finish will I am 33/34. I am 28 now. That is waaaaaaaay too long to be a student and not make any real money/income (rn i just do random jobs at the uni that pay by the hour just as some pocket money but live mostly off student loans as I am self funded). And tbh the one thing I am most upset about rn in regards to not doing a PhD is that I can't go back to NYC for my visiting scholarship cos I loved life out there. But that isn't even realted to my PhD!!!! So as of now, I decided to take an academic intermission and just figure things out.

So my issues is I don't really know what to do. Do I carry on? I am not even sure I want to or that I enjoy it anymore. I originally wanted to do a PhD because I love research and learning and I love my question, but I know I def don't wanna be an academic so is there even a point? Plus I feel so guilty giving up on Ivy League and sad giving up my NYC life but also kinda wanna cry thinking about reading any more academic texts lol.But then option is to work but I have NO IDEA anymore what kinda job I wanna do. I work in the field of international development...and I have good experience but it is only about 5 years worth and any job I get would be just above entry level.

And this is just extra but I hate the idea of monotonous 9-5 life!!!!!!!! But I know realisitically there is not much I can do about this...thats just the world we live in. Lol. So maybe ignore this part.

Anyone been through anything simular? Major life choice/career confusion? Any advice is appriciaited. Thanks.

You are definitely not alone in this. As you've identified yourself, fatigue is a natural part of the PhD process. Everyone gets fed up with their research at times. And C-19 is an unprecedented situation and has led to many students struggling to focus on their studies, or re-evaluating their reasons for doing their course. So I think what you're feeling is totally understandable given the circumstances you've described.

That all said, it does sound as if you might benefit from a little distance between you and your PhD right now. Your idea of a sabbatical or leave of absence is a reasonable one if you just don't feel that you can continue with your studies right now - it would give you some time to pursue other avenues of interest whilst leaving the door open for you to return to your PhD at a later date. And, given the current situation, many universities are being more flexible with regards to these sorts of requests at the moment.

That said, I would caution against jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire, especially given the added pressures on mental health and wellbeing being caused by C-19 at the moment. If you decide to take a sabbatical, think about what you really want to get out of that time. If you go back to NYC what are you planning to do there? Is there a work placement or volunteering opportunity you could pursue that is in the area of employment you've been thinking about? And don't discount entry-level roles - we all have to start somewhere and the 9-5 really doesn't have to be a grind if you find the work interesting and there is potential for career development.

Before making any decisions though, I'd suggest speaking to someone at your university. Is there anyone you could discuss this with other than your supervisors? Another tutor in your academic school maybe? Or a member of the university support services or the careers service? What you're feeling isn't at all uncommon for students and they may be able to offer you a fresh perspective, as well as help you to identify what about your PhD you enjoy/dislike, what your options are for moving forwards, and the positives/negatives of either continuing with the PhD, withdrawing entirely, or taking a break from it.

Whatever you decide to do, don't worry about age in terms of either your PhD or your career. I started my PhD at the age of 33 - I'll be 37 when I complete - and then I'll be trying to start over in an entirely new career (academia, in my case). Age isn't a barrier to success in life and there are plenty of people who don't find their niche or really begin their 'career' until their 30s and 40s.

Finally, however hard it is, don't compare yourself to your friends and their milestones- some of them may very well be looking at your life and wishing they were in your shoes! Everyone's path through life will be a little different and that's completely okay - you definitely don't have to have it all figured out at 28.

I hope that helps and good luck, whatever you decide to do!

Amy :smile:

TLDR: How you feel is completely normal - everyone has these moments of self-doubt and you don't have to have what you want to do in life figured out at 28. C-19 has definitely impacted on productivity as well as on mental health and wellbeing so how you feel right now is completely understandable. Don't make any rash decisions and speak with university support services, the careers service, or a friendly tutor (not one of your supervisors) to discuss your feelings, your options, and what you want to get out of whatever it is you decide to do next BEFORE taking the next steps.

Reply 2

Realitysreflexx

22

Original post by beeba266

Hi all,

I hope everyone is well and healthy. I will try and be brief, but as of late I am extremley confused about my LIFE (!). I have no idea what I want to do and, it seems, endless time to figure it out (due to covid) which is another type of aniexty in itself (I need to get out of the house, I am going crazy).

Basically, this past year I have started the first of my PhD and tbh it was going great. Have an excellent research question, got into the top uni in the UK for my course and into an Ivy League in the US for a visiting scholarship. I spent first semester in the UK then went to the US for half a semester before I had to go home due to covid. The issues began in the US, I lowkey realised I was kinda wishing I was like my friends (who are all working and none are in any type of education anymore) working, making money, getting apartments, just general adulting without the stress of school, etc. I started having these thoughts here and there but just put it down to stress or whatever. Then covid happens and I got pulled home early. That really messed up my momentum. But it did with everyone. Myself and all my peers have lost the will to work, concentrate or make any progress. Which is fairly normal in a PhD lifeline, espicially considering the circumstances. But me - I have REALLY recently lost interest. I am just SICK of reading 24/7, theorising till the cows come home, writing and rewriting about the same topics and concepts and just in general this PhD isn't exactly what I though it would be. I really thought it would be a little more practical than theoretical and I am not enjoying it as much now as I was in the beginning. Then I got some recent feedback from supervisors in which one of the them (there's 2) indicated I should rethink doing a PhD cos this IS how it is and it is only going to get harder/worse as the years progress. So that kinda threw me for a loop. Then on top of this, due to covid, fieldwork for PhD's (which is my next step) has been put on hold for at least 6 months to a year due to safety precautions. So that means my timeline is extended and I may not finish will I am 33/34. I am 28 now. That is waaaaaaaay too long to be a student and not make any real money/income (rn i just do random jobs at the uni that pay by the hour just as some pocket money but live mostly off student loans as I am self funded). And tbh the one thing I am most upset about rn in regards to not doing a PhD is that I can't go back to NYC for my visiting scholarship cos I loved life out there. But that isn't even realted to my PhD!!!! So as of now, I decided to take an academic intermission and just figure things out.

So my issues is I don't really know what to do. Do I carry on? I am not even sure I want to or that I enjoy it anymore. I originally wanted to do a PhD because I love research and learning and I love my question, but I know I def don't wanna be an academic so is there even a point? Plus I feel so guilty giving up on Ivy League and sad giving up my NYC life but also kinda wanna cry thinking about reading any more academic texts lol.But then option is to work but I have NO IDEA anymore what kinda job I wanna do. I work in the field of international development...and I have good experience but it is only about 5 years worth and any job I get would be just above entry level.

And this is just extra but I hate the idea of monotonous 9-5 life!!!!!!!! But I know realisitically there is not much I can do about this...thats just the world we live in. Lol. So maybe ignore this part.

Anyone been through anything simular? Major life choice/career confusion? Any advice is appriciaited. Thanks.

Depending on what your PhD is in, what is your exit plan. Academia is likely a shrinking sector for the next few year's. Possibly with longer budgeting repercussions but that's dependant on what your doing your PHd on. The other option is to drop out and start the job search in September which is what I'll be doing (though only with my master's in progress ) that I'm starting in September.

What's important to think about is your exit from your PhD. What can you do with it, is it practical could you go into consulting at Expert level that sort of thing.

Either way the economy will have recovered in 5 year's and that is a positive.

Here's what i would do if i were you:

1. I would continue the PhD
2. Simultaneously job hunt in September, if you find something then quit your PhD after getting a contract.

I wouldn't just quit the PhD because the economy is in far greater turmoil then is obvious now, imo. The government furlough scheme has kept the jobless number low but everyone on it, is to some extant unemployed. Their firms have decided to go on without them due to a drop in overall demand. As long as social distancing is in place alot of jobs won't return and even if pubs, offices, gyms were to reopen you definitely have the risk of a second peak in the winter month's. Which could lead to many going back on the scheme or having such a drop in demand you could have structural unemployment.

Even a depression tends to last 3-4 year's, but can be longer. During your PhD you will have funding and be able to survive. It may occur (not that I hope this) but many of your friends end up losing their jobs.

Your personal feelings are extremely important, and generally i would advise you to follow your heart especially on something like finishing a PHd, and in a normal economy, even a technical recession that would be fine. This is however, not a situation where you can discount the economic reality of what is going on in any situation unfortunately. Its not guaranteed you can go out and get a career...ever, but it's generally likely and possible... Right now... I'm not so sure.

I personally plan to do a similar excercise this fall, that's apply for jobs and a PHd. As a backup. I would during this time always try to entertain multiple paths and keep all options open.

Reply 3

trapking

20

Jump ship, don't waste your time with a PhD. You're better off going to work and building yourself a career :smile:

Original post by beeba266

Hi all,

I hope everyone is well and healthy. I will try and be brief, but as of late I am extremley confused about my LIFE (!). I have no idea what I want to do and, it seems, endless time to figure it out (due to covid) which is another type of aniexty in itself (I need to get out of the house, I am going crazy).

Basically, this past year I have started the first of my PhD and tbh it was going great. Have an excellent research question, got into the top uni in the UK for my course and into an Ivy League in the US for a visiting scholarship. I spent first semester in the UK then went to the US for half a semester before I had to go home due to covid. The issues began in the US, I lowkey realised I was kinda wishing I was like my friends (who are all working and none are in any type of education anymore) working, making money, getting apartments, just general adulting without the stress of school, etc. I started having these thoughts here and there but just put it down to stress or whatever. Then covid happens and I got pulled home early. That really messed up my momentum. But it did with everyone. Myself and all my peers have lost the will to work, concentrate or make any progress. Which is fairly normal in a PhD lifeline, espicially considering the circumstances. But me - I have REALLY recently lost interest. I am just SICK of reading 24/7, theorising till the cows come home, writing and rewriting about the same topics and concepts and just in general this PhD isn't exactly what I though it would be. I really thought it would be a little more practical than theoretical and I am not enjoying it as much now as I was in the beginning. Then I got some recent feedback from supervisors in which one of the them (there's 2) indicated I should rethink doing a PhD cos this IS how it is and it is only going to get harder/worse as the years progress. So that kinda threw me for a loop. Then on top of this, due to covid, fieldwork for PhD's (which is my next step) has been put on hold for at least 6 months to a year due to safety precautions. So that means my timeline is extended and I may not finish will I am 33/34. I am 28 now. That is waaaaaaaay too long to be a student and not make any real money/income (rn i just do random jobs at the uni that pay by the hour just as some pocket money but live mostly off student loans as I am self funded). And tbh the one thing I am most upset about rn in regards to not doing a PhD is that I can't go back to NYC for my visiting scholarship cos I loved life out there. But that isn't even realted to my PhD!!!! So as of now, I decided to take an academic intermission and just figure things out.

So my issues is I don't really know what to do. Do I carry on? I am not even sure I want to or that I enjoy it anymore. I originally wanted to do a PhD because I love research and learning and I love my question, but I know I def don't wanna be an academic so is there even a point? Plus I feel so guilty giving up on Ivy League and sad giving up my NYC life but also kinda wanna cry thinking about reading any more academic texts lol.But then option is to work but I have NO IDEA anymore what kinda job I wanna do. I work in the field of international development...and I have good experience but it is only about 5 years worth and any job I get would be just above entry level.

And this is just extra but I hate the idea of monotonous 9-5 life!!!!!!!! But I know realisitically there is not much I can do about this...thats just the world we live in. Lol. So maybe ignore this part.

Anyone been through anything simular? Major life choice/career confusion? Any advice is appriciaited. Thanks.

Sooooooo confused. Continue PhD or career????

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