Girls, in public places do you want to be spoken to?

I'm not the best conversationist but like a lot of people, get me started and I manage to hold an interesting conversation.

I realise that there are plenty of good places to meet girls: through friends, bars, clubs, at uni/work... but because I don't get out as much as I used to these days, most of the times I come into contact with girls my age are at the gym, on the train, when walking home...

I decided that I shouldn't be so shy and have decided to be a bit more talkative and confident with people I meet (always been a bit too shy for that). The thing is, I am sometimes on the train, in the sauna at the gym and feel like starting a converation with the girl opposite or next to me, it can be busy/quiet but I have a total blockage... On the very few occasions in the past where I've found the courage, it's usually just been a stupid little thing I managed to say about the situation and the converation kicked off but usually I simply can't find anything to say at all.

Like most guys I guess, I think "better not say anything that makes me seem like a perv/weirdo" and then give up but I've grown tired of that attitude and have thought that I should be comfortable talking to anyone: the thing is when I'm talking to a guy or a woman I don't find remotely attractive, I usually have no problem.

So my question for girls: in these situations I described, do you honestly prefer that a guy not start a conversation at all or only if he's clearly very attractive? What kind of typical things do guys always tell you and that put you off totally? Do you ever hope that a guy you're next to you will start the conversation? Do you ever start it yourself?

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Reply 1

PoisonDonna

Yes I don't mind them talking to me as long as they're not creepy (which they often are in Manc).

Reply 2

Rian1988

Same with me, there were these two really attractive girls in the sauna the other day the same age as me, there were quite a few people in too. Wish I spoke to them, they even said they were single :frown:

Reply 3

chiquita

Same as the comment above - as long they aren't creepy it's fine :smile:

Reply 4

iamsam

I think it would help if you defined 'creepy'. Surely someone talking to you at random could be considered creepy?

Reply 5

PaperMoon

In most cases it would be fine.Just not in an empty train carriage, or empty bus or anywhere where there are no other people around. That would freak me out so much.

Reply 6

burninginme

I'd say in general, quite a lot of British people find someone randomly talking to them creepy in some way. Most people are ok with it to a certain extent, providing the questions obviously aren't overly intrusive, etc, but to be honest, starting conversations with random strangers in public isn't really the done thing in the UK, and by British social conventions is considered a bit strange.

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

iamsam

I think it would help if you defined 'creepy'.

Well yes, that's what I want to know...

iamsam

Surely someone talking to you at random could be considered creepy?

I think it's a bit sad if we all view that "random" people talking to us are creepy. We might as well all just keep our eyes down and not communicate with anyone when in public and only speak to people we have been formally introduced to and only according to some strict social rules to ensure it's not "creepy". :rolleyes:

PoisonDonna/chiquita, you have to explain this whole "not creepy" thing. Is it the way they look? What they say? Please explain :smile:

Do you actually find yourselves in situations where you want a guy to talk to you ?

Reply 8

luke512

burninginme

I'd say in general, quite a lot of British people in general find someone randomly talking to them creepy in some way. Most people are ok with it to a certain extent, providing the questions obviously aren't overly intrusive, etc, but to be honest, starting conversations with random strangers in public isn't really the done thing in the UK, and by British social conventions is considered a bit strange.

Aye that is so true. I dont know why exactly it is, but people in Britain are far less sociable than people in other countries. I mean, if someone even looks at you you think they are wierd.

Reply 9

Ethereal

PoisonDonna

Yes I don't mind them talking to me as long as they're not creepy (which they often are in Manc).

That's cos it's a **** hole :p:

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

PaperMoon

In most cases it would be fine.Just not in an empty train carriage, or empty bus or anywhere where there are no other people around. That would freak me out so much.

Isn't that a bit excessive? I'd find it even weirder to be in an empty carriage with another person and there's total silence. Don't you think that them talking to you can reassure you about whether they're a weirdo or just a normal guy?

Would you still freak out if the guy was incredibly attractive?

I didn't mention but I live in an area where you've got more of a chance of speaking to a foreigner than a British person so it makes things more confusing but you're totally right. It's clear that you can't start a conversation by asking a girl about some personal question "hey do you have a boyfriend?" lol

I've found that in most cases, it's best just to make a casual observation about whatever and then the person makes it clear whether they're interested in having a conversation but even then, it can be heard because a lot of people (including myself)'s reaction is to act standoffish, even when they want to talk. But if the signal is there, it's possible to start a conversation.

But even then, looking for that "casual observation" is incredibly hard and I wish I could just talk normally without getting worried about weirding the poor girl out.

Reply 11

PoisonDonna

Ethereal

That's cos it's a **** hole :p:

This much is true :sadnod:

Reply 12

Ethereal

PoisonDonna

This much is true :sadnod:

I find it to be incredibly tribal. Hate it. Wish I'd never been sent here.

Reply 13

PoisonDonna

Ethereal

I find it to be incredibly tribal. Hate it. Wish I'd never been sent here.

Tribal? I do like Manchester, it just has a creepy side to it too.

Reply 14

burninginme

Anonymous

But even then, looking for that "casual observation" is incredibly hard and I wish I could just talk normally without getting worried about weirding the poor girl out.

Hit the nail on the head really, the chances of being next to girl you're interested in talking to when there is also the right moment to make a casual observation worth commenting on is very slim. I've been wondering this for some time and I still haven't been able to work out what to say that would initiate a conversation, while still not appearing like a weirdo; but being reluctant to talk to strangers is just an annoying part of British life, but I'm guilty of it myself, on the occasions strangers have spoken to me randomly, my automatic responce is to be suspiscious, even when it's been an attractive female!

Reply 15

ggonex26

When i am sober i have rarely held a conversation with a stranger that i've initiated, however when i have had a few drinks, not even a massive amount, i get into chats with people everywhere. I think sometimes people actually enjoy it as your adding a little variety to their day.

Reply 16

Sarahl89

yeah i tihnk its a shame no one ever talks to each other any more just randomly. Seems like people actually do their best to avoid eye contact or conversation on the train nowadays, and the odd times when people have spoken to me, its usually either quite abit older, rather creepy (i cant define it, some people just ooze it though) bloke asking random questions like where im going, why im on the train etc.. (prob best OP if you avoid asking where they're going.. might think you're a stalker haha), or sometimes i find myself chatting to people about random stuff in the metro, or once when the guard sent a message to the train not to feed or encourage homeless people / beggars and i couldnt help just laughing out loud, considering we were in the leat likely station to be having a problem with them! ..so yeah i like having random conversations with people like that, it kindve restores abit of my faith in humanity haha that not everyone is completely miserable & suspicious of everyone else all the time!

Reply 17

iamsam

burninginme

but being reluctant to talk to strangers is just an annoying part of British life, but I'm guilty of it myself, on the occasions strangers have spoken to me randomly, my automatic responce is to be suspiscious, even when it's been an attractive female!

The last time some stranger talked to me at random, I was so shocked I froze for a second. This girl came out of nowhere and just said "hello, random person", and then disappeared a few seconds later. Certainly strange, but also very intruiging... I wish I'd said something back!

Reply 18

Hulagurl16

Creepy is when the guy is over 40 and you are quite obviously still in your teens
creepy is when the guy looks like he's homeless and unemployed
creepy is when the guy is like in your space (keep at least about 2 feet away plz)
creepy is when the guy starts talking about quite personal intimate stuff and then asks you similar questions
creepy is when the guy is continuously staring at you as if this is some sort of staring contest
creepy is a guy who acts as if he is on drugs (either unnaturally high or freakishly fazed out)

I wouldn't say it is necessarily about being incredibly good-looking (although that does help!) but if you look clean and are well dressed then thats ok
I once had a guy randomly talk to me who wasnt very good looking and tbh when he came over i thought 'Oh great here's another one!' but after a couple of minutes i really liked him cause he was SO funny!
so being humourous is a definite bonus :smile:

Reply 19