Communication issues

Me and my boyfriend have been together for a year and half and generally get along very well and do love each other and support each other. We are long distance during term time (and now apart due to lockdown).

However, we do constantly fall out over communication because I prefer to text everyday and have asked for us to text each other good morning before work/uni and then text a bit more in the evening perhaps after like 6 when we are both generally free.

To be completely fair to him, this wasn’t something he was used to so implementing this for him was a big ask and he does is it mostly ( better during holidays, less so during uni) but it’s been 18 months now and he still expects me to not say anything even when he ignores my messages for hours, starts conversations quite late (even when he’s completely free) and then leaves a lot of time between messages meaning we have dry conversations and it seems to me like he thinks of it as a chore. The ignoring messages is what gets to me the most because it seems like he has the time to reply to other people, or check stories but not reply to me.Just makes me feel like I’ll never be a priority.

In all honesty I do get really frustrated by it and don’t hesitate to call him out on it and we have had many arguments on this situation to the point where he says my “demands” make him “feel cramped” and that I need to “get over myself and realise that his life doesn’t revolve around me” and 80% of the time when I express how I’m feeling, I get told “it’s not a big deal” or “give it a rest”.

I don’t understand why he speaks to me like when this is the only thing I am “pushy” on in the relationship. I am not denying the fact that I do call him out on it 90% of the time when he does ignore me etc because I don’t ask for anything else.
I never disturb him when he says he’s busy or when he’s meeting friends and family and we have independent lives which I love. He knows I love him and have always been there for him and probably always will I just don’t know why he feels the need to defend himself. We don’t do extravagant gifts, we are always 50:50 in the financial sense.

In my eyes, if you are going through peoples snapchat stories, scrolling through insta or fb then you have time to text your partner back and you don’t have to wait until 8pm and it’s not weird if you text your partner as soon as you wake up.

Someone tell me if I’m being delusional and genuinely need to “get over myself” because it hurt when he said that but it may be true.
Thanks

Hi! I feel quite guilty as I text back extremely late. I don't know whether it can apply to your boyfriend, but from my personal experience, sometimes I just don't want any social interaction. It takes effort, and sometimes I'm just really tired, or I know that if I reply, I would have to start a conversation when I'm only on a 5 minute break. I personally just need periodic space, and I will reply to people in my own time.

However, I can see your point, maybe both of you can reach a compromise? Both of you seem to be extremely frustrated with the situation at hand, so it seems as though you might need to schedule a time to video call him. Try not to raise your voice, and try to understand his side. Ask him for his perspective, and listen. (that's what I regret not doing more often)

Long-distance is taxing. And based on how long you guys have been together, it seems as though you guys have put in a lot of effort to sustain it. You might need to give him more space, as it seems like what he wants, but it's an assumption from my end as well. Listen to what he wants, but also try to put forth your points in a calm manner. You also have wants to be addressed within this relationship as well, and it's going to become more strained if things aren't talked out.

I hope that everything works out for y'all though! x

Hi. I am younger than you so I may not be providing with you with a response that has the same maturity or understanding but ill do the best I can. I also had this problem in my relationship when we were going out for the same amount of time as you and your boyfriend (I've been going out with mine for 3 years now) and I have gotten over the need for this which will come with time I promise you. I also see this problem with my friends, who were a lot worse with it than me and were crying over it and in the end the lack of communication was the reason for the end of the relationship. In my personal experience, I have realised that it's a "boy" thing, unfortunately they just don't understand that we need more attention than what they need and if we try to bring it up with them they get grumpy and start turning it on us because they don't really see it as doing anything wrong. The only advice I can really give you is talk to him about it properly, don't do it over the phone. just sit him down and say that I understand that you don't need as much attention and communication as I do but could you make more of an effort to text as its an important factor for a relationship. if he shuts you down when you explain that you need this communication you either need to learn to live without the extra texting or you need to think about the future of the relationship. I hope this helps.