urgent help aqa English language paper 1 question 4

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meerkatking123
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Please can you mark my answer and please give it a mark out of 20. Also would be nice if you gave a level for my answer. Thanks.


A student, having read this section of the text, said: ‘it seems like the character is in a scary place. Reading the text made me feel uneasy.’

To what extent do you agree?

The text:

Philipa stood on the cold, dark street, peering up at the abandoned hotel. Large wooden boards stood impassively across most of the window frames, sentries to the stillness and silence within, guarding the eerie presence of the dilapidated building.
Despite her misgivings, she pushed gently on the front door, and it crept open with an arthritic creak. As she tiptoed over the threshold, small clouds of dust wheezed over the carpet where she put her feet.

Answer:

I agree that the character is in a scary place and that reading the text made me feel uneasy. One way this is achieved is through the use of semantic field of weather and how it makes the atmosphere inimical. A good example of this is when the atmosphere is described as “cold” and as well as “dark”. The writer here begins to create a sense of fear and danger due to the fact that Philippe is in the dark by herself therefore she has no sense of security. This implies that anything could happen, and something could attack her in the mist of her surroundings. Through creating this sinister tone, the writer creates an impression that she is in danger and may not be alone. The reader develops sympathy for Philippe as we know how she is alone and scared along with the reader.

Another way this is achieved is through the use personification to describe the ramshackle state of the building. A good example of this is when the writer quotes on the “stillness” and “silence” “guarding the eerie presence of the building”. The writer here illustrates a sense of risk as the building seems be intriguingly quite and solemn reflecting that it could lead to danger. This implies that it may be unsafe and that Phillipa is making a wrong decision to enter it as it could lead to an unknown consequence. Through creating a silent and eerie tone the writer creates an impression that she is in a scary place and might be risking her life-thus encouraging the reader to feel terrified and annoyed because we don’t want her to go to the unknown house.
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Broque_
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(Original post by meerkatking123)
Please can you mark my answer and please give it a mark out of 20. Also would be nice if you gave a level for my answer. Thanks.


A student, having read this section of the text, said: ‘it seems like the character is in a scary place. Reading the text made me feel uneasy.’

To what extent do you agree?

The text:

Philipa stood on the cold, dark street, peering up at the abandoned hotel. Large wooden boards stood impassively across most of the window frames, sentries to the stillness and silence within, guarding the eerie presence of the dilapidated building.
Despite her misgivings, she pushed gently on the front door, and it crept open with an arthritic creak. As she tiptoed over the threshold, small clouds of dust wheezed over the carpet where she put her feet.

Answer:

I agree that the character is in a scary place and that reading the text made me feel uneasy. One way this is achieved is through the use of semantic field of weather and how it makes the atmosphere inimical. A good example of this is when the atmosphere is described as “cold” and as well as “dark”. The writer here begins to create a sense of fear and danger due to the fact that Philippe is in the dark by herself therefore she has no sense of security. This implies that anything could happen, and something could attack her in the mist of her surroundings. Through creating this sinister tone, the writer creates an impression that she is in danger and may not be alone. The reader develops sympathy for Philippe as we know how she is alone and scared along with the reader.

Another way this is achieved is through the use personification to describe the ramshackle state of the building. A good example of this is when the writer quotes on the “stillness” and “silence” “guarding the eerie presence of the building”. The writer here illustrates a sense of risk as the building seems be intriguingly quite and solemn reflecting that it could lead to danger. This implies that it may be unsafe and that Phillipa is making a wrong decision to enter it as it could lead to an unknown consequence. Through creating a silent and eerie tone the writer creates an impression that she is in a scary place and might be risking her life-thus encouraging the reader to feel terrified and annoyed because we don’t want her to go to the unknown house.
Why is the source so short? In the exam you would have about 1-2 pages of source material to analyse. You'd also need at least 3-4 paragraphs to get a top mark. I'll mark it as if you wrote more.

It's a good answer. I'd say you're hovering around level 3 with 12-14 out of 20.

A few things I would improve are:
- On several occasions, you drag out one point into several shorter sentences, when it can all be said in one complex sentence. This doesn't show sophistication to the examiner and reflects that you didn't plan very well. For example: This: "One way this is achieved is through the use of semantic field of weather and how it makes the atmosphere inimical. A good example of this is when the atmosphere is described as “cold” and as well as “dark”." could have all been one sentence connected.
- You sometimes repeat the same phrase, which goes against judicious writing needed for level 4. For instance, you repeated "A good example of this is"

It's a decently solid response overall. You can work on this and reach level 4 on the mark scheme with more practice and consideration when writing.
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neeve72
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Using weather to suggest that something bad is going to happen is called pathetic faliacy. You could use that instead of calling it a semantic field of weather.
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Broque_
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(Original post by neeve72)
Using weather to suggest that something bad is going to happen is called pathetic faliacy. You could use that instead of calling it a semantic field of weather.
pathetic fallacy*, but yep, you're right!
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meerkatking123
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my teacher gave me a short source to test my skills or sometjing
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meerkatking123
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(Original post by meerkatking123)
my teacher gave me a short source to test my skills or sometjing
Thank you for taking the time to answer
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