How to overcome being socially awkward

So I am a very socially awkward person and I think it’s because of my past throughout primary and secondary I used to get bullied which lower my self esteem and confidence also I went a girl secondary school which was so toxic and so much drama I was friends with the wrong people which I am not in contact anymore I have started college and it is so hard to make friends I am so awkward and I do not know how to talk to people and I am only friends with people who I have known for a long time and it is only two people I wanna be able to socialise and get myself out there but it is so hard I jus feel like people find me weird COs I stutter a lot and I don’t know how to interact properly and i give the worst eye contact I don’t know what to do and I don’t know how to improve I tried socialising and improving this but it is so hard I also feel like I have a dead personality which is so unattractive towards others like I jus ugh

So I am a very socially awkward person and I think it’s because of my past throughout primary and secondary I used to get bullied which lower my self esteem and confidence also I went a girl secondary school which was so toxic and so much drama I was friends with the wrong people which I am not in contact anymore I have started college and it is so hard to make friends I am so awkward and I do not know how to talk to people and I am only friends with people who I have known for a long time and it is only two people I wanna be able to socialise and get myself out there but it is so hard I jus feel like people find me weird COs I stutter a lot and I don’t know how to interact properly and i give the worst eye contact I don’t know what to do and I don’t know how to improve I tried socialising and improving this but it is so hard I also feel like I have a dead personality which is so unattractive towards others like I jus ugh

So I am a very socially awkward person and I think it’s because of my past throughout primary and secondary I used to get bullied which lower my self esteem and confidence also I went a girl secondary school which was so toxic and so much drama I was friends with the wrong people which I am not in contact anymore I have started college and it is so hard to make friends I am so awkward and I do not know how to talk to people and I am only friends with people who I have known for a long time and it is only two people I wanna be able to socialise and get myself out there but it is so hard I jus feel like people find me weird COs I stutter a lot and I don’t know how to interact properly and i give the worst eye contact I don’t know what to do and I don’t know how to improve I tried socialising and improving this but it is so hard I also feel like I have a dead personality which is so unattractive towards others like I jus ugh

I'm sorry but welcome to reality. Honestly you they just do it, You are not incapable of using it. Do you think anyone likes going through the misery of going every day in the boiling hot summer to places? Nobody does. You suck it up - because that's life. A strong sense of entitlement in your life is going to make you take offence to anything that isn't validation of your world view. So go ahead. Rather than learning something today - shirk your responsibily to grow up.

Something tells me in reality you knew this wasn't the best thing to say , so you didn't want this reply associated with your actual account.

Disregarding that many people thrive and feel happy when interacting with others (hell, look at how people feel self isolating) , feeling socially anxious is not "shirking" your responsibility to grow up. Many of us who deal with social anxiety go about daily life like anybody else would, going to work / school, making a genuine effort to talk to others so we don't fall behind in academic or personal growth.

However to a lot of us the mere prospect of talking to someone to get a train ticket makes us anxious. It's a genuine mental illness, hence the fact it can be diagnosed by a doctor and medication can be given. Though it does need genuine effort from the person to be overcome, meaning they need to get out into the world, many people who struggle with it don't develop it because they haven't tried, are lazy or aren't 'grown up'.

You overcome it step by step - if the mere prospect of stepping on a train with other people makes someone anxious, don't just push them into one or you're likely to cause a panic attack. You take small steps. Pushing someone into believing they need to take the fast track to reversing social anxiety, to 'grow up' means the individual will probably force themselves into social situations that are too overwhelming for them at present (not easing them in as many therapists suggests) , suffer an onslaught of anxiety that will most probably lead to a panic attack, and be turned off by the idea of social interaction completely. This starts them back at Square 1.

Whatever

Thank you for making this thread - I struggle with this too and it's holding me back in my personal and academic development, when every aspect of life revolves around social interaction. Being someone who hasn't overcome it yet, I can't give you solid advice but know you're not alone x

So I am a very socially awkward person and I think it’s because of my past throughout primary and secondary I used to get bullied which lower my self esteem and confidence also I went a girl secondary school which was so toxic and so much drama I was friends with the wrong people which I am not in contact anymore I have started college and it is so hard to make friends I am so awkward and I do not know how to talk to people and I am only friends with people who I have known for a long time and it is only two people I wanna be able to socialise and get myself out there but it is so hard I jus feel like people find me weird COs I stutter a lot and I don’t know how to interact properly and i give the worst eye contact I don’t know what to do and I don’t know how to improve I tried socialising and improving this but it is so hard I also feel like I have a dead personality which is so unattractive towards others like I jus ugh

How has social awkwardness made you struggle? Relationships, friendships, uni/school/sixth form?

It's different for every individual I guess, but with me I struggle with public settings. I constantly feel judged when I'm out in public settings , particularly in really urban areas / cities, shops and places like school / sixth form (I'm assuming, enrolling in September?) . It's silly but I always worry about social conduct in daily life - what exactly am I supposed to say when ordering coffee, buying a train ticket, answering the door to accept my package? I've done these things before, but still I worry about them whenever they crop up.
It's hard for me to make new friends but it's a little easier if it's done on a 1-2-1 basis, which is where I differ I think from the standard definition.

Thank you for letting me braindump a little bit

Just practice, you missed out on practice as a kid. I know its hard and you aren't alone! Just try to think of funny one liners at home, or conversation starters or continuers at home and use them in practice. When having a conversation if someone asks you a question answer it and then ask them, ask them about their answer, you don't have to be particularly interested but that is a conversation and it'll just flow. You'll be okay. You aren't alone! Socialising with parents/close family and friends is great practice because less judgement and they can't leave you, they will always love you!

I have been through this phase. I was friends with the wrong people in my past. I always felt like an outsider with the people I used to hang out with. But now I have met people that I can connect with very easily which made me realise that the group I used to hang out with weren’t really my friends since they never tried to understand me as a person. I am sure you are completely fine, you will soon find people who would actually make efforts to know you, they will make you feel accepted. I know that because I have found my clan which I never thought was possible. You just need to find people with the same vibe as you. I have a feeling that you often care too much of what others think of you, which is the problem. Just be yourself and things will start working out for you.

Same here. I was bullied and stuff throughout school too. It has a massive impact on sense of self and self image (as in how sensitive you are or conscious). I really relate to that. What happened in the past was others shoving their own issues onto you; it's not your fault for you being you at that age and I'm sure no one is thinking of you the way you are thinking of yourself. I'm sure you are a personality someone will want to connect with as everyone has something to offer including you, regardless of how you feel about yourself . If you are 18 and over, and when this pandemic dies down, there's lots of shyness groups on meet up you can join and honestly you'll meet others in the same boat as you. You certainly aren't alone and there's nothing wrong with you! Believe in yourself

Thank you for making this thread - I struggle with this too and it's holding me back in my personal and academic development, when every aspect of life revolves around social interaction. Being someone who hasn't overcome it yet, I can't give you solid advice but know you're not alone x

I'm sorry but welcome to reality. Honestly you they just do it, You are not incapable of using it. Do you think anyone likes going through the misery of going every day in the boiling hot summer to places? Nobody does. You suck it up - because that's life. A strong sense of entitlement in your life is going to make you take offence to anything that isn't validation of your world view. So go ahead. Rather than learning something today - shirk your responsibily to grow up.

Something tells me in reality you knew this wasn't the best thing to say , so you didn't want this reply associated with your actual account.

Disregarding that many people thrive and feel happy when interacting with others (hell, look at how people feel self isolating) , feeling socially anxious is not "shirking" your responsibility to grow up. Many of us who deal with social anxiety go about daily life like anybody else would, going to work / school, making a genuine effort to talk to others so we don't fall behind in academic or personal growth.

However to a lot of us the mere prospect of talking to someone to get a train ticket makes us anxious. It's a genuine mental illness, hence the fact it can be diagnosed by a doctor and medication can be given. Though it does need genuine effort from the person to be overcome, meaning they need to get out into the world, many people who struggle with it don't develop it because they haven't tried, are lazy or aren't 'grown up'.

You overcome it step by step - if the mere prospect of stepping on a train with other people makes someone anxious, don't just push them into one or you're likely to cause a panic attack. You take small steps. Pushing someone into believing they need to take the fast track to reversing social anxiety, to 'grow up' means the individual will probably force themselves into social situations that are too overwhelming for them at present (not easing them in as many therapists suggest) , suffer an onslaught of anxiety that will most probably lead to a panic attack, and be turned off by the idea of social interaction completely. This starts them back at Square 1.