Girl ive dated for 6 months still on dating apps? Help
So ive been dating this girls since around october now and we were seeing each other before lockdown and everything was going well. We are still chatting normally during lockdown and i was really excited to see her once it was all over. However a mate that is still at uni said he came across her tinder profile while swiping and shes obviously used it as the pictures she has put on are quite recent (around Feb/March). We havent had the exclusive chat yet which i feel would have happened if this lockdown didnt happen but i cant help but feel really annoyed as we have been talking for so long. Just makes me feel as just me isnt enough for her to speak to and it makes me feel **** that she might be talking to other guys after talking to me for this long.
I have no idea how to bring this up in convo like we message everyday and if my mate hadnt mentioned it i would have been completely oblivious to it. Can anyone recommend how i can go about this because i feel like i need answers but i feel like itll be awkward how ever i word it
I have no idea how to bring this up in convo like we message everyday and if my mate hadnt mentioned it i would have been completely oblivious to it. Can anyone recommend how i can go about this because i feel like i need answers but i feel like itll be awkward how ever i word it
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Original post by Anonymous
So ive been dating this girls since around october now and we were seeing each other before lockdown and everything was going well. We are still chatting normally during lockdown and i was really excited to see her once it was all over. However a mate that is still at uni said he came across her tinder profile while swiping and shes obviously used it as the pictures she has put on are quite recent (around Feb/March). We havent had the exclusive chat yet which i feel would have happened if this lockdown didnt happen but i cant help but feel really annoyed as we have been talking for so long. Just makes me feel as just me isnt enough for her to speak to and it makes me feel **** that she might be talking to other guys after talking to me for this long.
I have no idea how to bring this up in convo like we message everyday and if my mate hadnt mentioned it i would have been completely oblivious to it. Can anyone recommend how i can go about this because i feel like i need answers but i feel like itll be awkward how ever i word it
I have no idea how to bring this up in convo like we message everyday and if my mate hadnt mentioned it i would have been completely oblivious to it. Can anyone recommend how i can go about this because i feel like i need answers but i feel like itll be awkward how ever i word it
This is a hard one to be honest. Maybe be honest and tell her what you saw. Get her to be honest with you. If it turns out you aint the one move on. I promise you will find someone who will want you and respect you for who you are.
It will be pretty awkward, as you're trying to hold her to commitments and standards that were never agreed, as they say 'If you love it put a ring on it'
Hi,
It feels like cheating. That is the feeling you have and yes even tho it's hard you need to adress it in a calm and objective manner. When we are in loved researchers have found that we act as if we are on drugs. So if you make yourself aware of it that will be the first step to it. Second, adress it. You might want to be specific but never accuse even if you have the facts. How to adress it? you might want to ask yourself first what is that you want from the relationship and see if she is willing to meet you half way. Is there anything you could do to improve this situation? Can she do anything about it? Give her truth, honesty and if she was in the wrong, you will need to explain maybe that trust is not there anymore and she needs to build again (you also need to give her the chance and refrain from subject if you get into a loud argument fight). Be a gentleman. There are not a lot out there and are the most sought ones.
It feels like cheating. That is the feeling you have and yes even tho it's hard you need to adress it in a calm and objective manner. When we are in loved researchers have found that we act as if we are on drugs. So if you make yourself aware of it that will be the first step to it. Second, adress it. You might want to be specific but never accuse even if you have the facts. How to adress it? you might want to ask yourself first what is that you want from the relationship and see if she is willing to meet you half way. Is there anything you could do to improve this situation? Can she do anything about it? Give her truth, honesty and if she was in the wrong, you will need to explain maybe that trust is not there anymore and she needs to build again (you also need to give her the chance and refrain from subject if you get into a loud argument fight). Be a gentleman. There are not a lot out there and are the most sought ones.
Thank you for the responses guys. What makes this tough for me is that we haven’t had any chat about exclusivity but considering I have spoke to her for nearly 6 months now I feel like I have right to be really annoyed that it seems like she’s trying to speak to other guys? But it’s even more difficult right now as I probably won’t be able to see her for atleast another 6 weeks but the last thing I wanted was to have the exclusivity chat either over phone or on messaging but I don’t know whether there’s another way. Really caught in 2 minds here
It might be a good start to adress exclusivity first. Are we or are we not? "It's been close to 6 months and I think we should talk about it". If she says it's not exclusive, you should control your angry impulse and tell her honestly how you feel. Communication is really hard to master. To be able to adress the issue without bias should be your obiective. You are brave for coming out. Get started on a piece of paper and draft your ideas and feelings so that you could share them to her.
Best wishes and good luck
Best wishes and good luck
(edited 3 years ago)
Its just much harder to do than you're making out though, i feel like i could communicate it perfectly fine if i saw her but over messenger? It's just so difficult, if i were to bring up randomly that my mate had seen her on dating apps its just so awkward. But i wanted to save the exclusivity convo for when i actually saw her, i dont think she would like it if i brought it up over an online chat i dont think anyone would. I do need answers though
Yeah imma be honest bro. You need to dump her ho arse and get outta there! Or she's gonna step all over you. Don't underestimate girls like these. 
Original post by TheCoolBro
Yeah imma be honest bro. You need to dump her ho arse and get outta there! Or she's gonna step all over you. Don't underestimate girls like these.
I find it pretty hard to do that when I’ve invested so much time over the last months seeing her And messaging her each day I feel like I have to talk it through with her but i don’t know how I can bring it up without being awkward
Original post by Anonymous
I find it pretty hard to do that when I’ve invested so much time over the last months seeing her And messaging her each day I feel like I have to talk it through with her but i don’t know how I can bring it up without being awkward
Honestly bro you have the upper hand. You didn't do anything wrong mate but she did. If anything she should be feeling awkward and embarassed when you bring it up.
Maybe you could use Zoom. It is professional, we use it at uni and might be the best channel during these times. If you make it clear that you two need to have a conversation about future and you are afraid that the message might not get across because of the intimate nature of it she might agree to a zoom meeting. And don't bring it up randomly. Start with it, develop it and see where it takes you. A face to face aproach would be reccomended but it's not possible and if you have to pretend until you can meet, it will damage your mental health and she will feel lied to. You should set standards for yourself as should she in relation to the relationship and adress anything you think will damage your relationship. I have no better advice and talking from experience.
Original post by Anonymous
Thank you for the responses guys. What makes this tough for me is that we haven’t had any chat about exclusivity but considering I have spoke to her for nearly 6 months now I feel like I have right to be really annoyed that it seems like she’s trying to speak to other guys? But it’s even more difficult right now as I probably won’t be able to see her for atleast another 6 weeks but the last thing I wanted was to have the exclusivity chat either over phone or on messaging but I don’t know whether there’s another way. Really caught in 2 minds here
If a woman requires an 'exclusive' conversation to stop her meeting other men then she does not care for you in any meaningful way. If it's just talking then meh.
She sounds like a poor emotional investment at this juncture.
Original post by TheCoolBro
Honestly bro you have the upper hand. You didn't do anything wrong mate but she did. If anything she should be feeling awkward and embarassed when you bring it up.
Thats true but am i within my right to be deciding what she does and doesnt if we are only dating? we havent had the exclusive and relationship conversation but i feel like you shouldnt be looking about elsewhere if you have been talking and seeing someone for so long. I would never do it
Original post by Rakas21
If a woman requires an 'exclusive' conversation to stop her meeting other men then she does not care for you in any meaningful way. If it's just talking then meh.
She sounds like a poor emotional investment at this juncture.
She sounds like a poor emotional investment at this juncture.
That's what im thinking. How should that make me feel knowing that shes talking to other people. Ive seen her loads in the 6 months and ive bought her stuff. I might just be blunt with her and say that my mate has seen you on a dating app. See how she responds
Original post by Anonymous
Thats true but am i within my right to be deciding what she does and doesnt if we are only dating? we havent had the exclusive and relationship conversation but i feel like you shouldnt be looking about elsewhere if you have been talking and seeing someone for so long. I would never do it
It's not your right to decide her life but it is your right to call her out for doing something which she knew would obviously be hurtful to you bro. You sound like a gentleman but you need to stand up for yourself my bro.
If you haven't had the chat about being exclusive she could think that the relationship is something else like an open relationship. But at the end of the day you need to ask her what has been going on as only she has the answers. there could be a perfectly reasonable explanation or that she simply didn't understand the terms of your relationship. just because you've been seeing her for 6 months doesn't mean it cant be a open relationship or something like that.
Original post by Anonymous
That's what im thinking. How should that make me feel knowing that shes talking to other people. Ive seen her loads in the 6 months and ive bought her stuff. I might just be blunt with her and say that my mate has seen you on a dating app. See how she responds
You should, your a man. Be direct, instruct her to remove herself or inform her that the consequence will be the end of your relations.
Original post by Kathrxn_xox
If you haven't had the chat about being exclusive she could think that the relationship is something else like an open relationship. But at the end of the day you need to ask her what has been going on as only she has the answers. there could be a perfectly reasonable explanation or that she simply didn't understand the terms of your relationship. just because you've been seeing her for 6 months doesn't mean it cant be a open relationship or something like that.
This is the problem I have, she has told her parents and stuff about me though and ive been to her uni house met all of her mates numerous times. I just didnt expect her to be like that at all and even if we havent had the exclusive chat she obviously must think she can get better than me if she is still using dating apps and updating them since we were chatting??
Original post by Anonymous
This is the problem I have, she has told her parents and stuff about me though and ive been to her uni house met all of her mates numerous times. I just didnt expect her to be like that at all and even if we havent had the exclusive chat she obviously must think she can get better than me if she is still using dating apps and updating them since we were chatting??
Again, introducing to parents does mean its getting more serious but doesn't mean its exclusive. But just ask her. speculating about it wont help anyone at the end of the day and usually you think of the worst possible explanation
Original post by Kathrxn_xox
Again, introducing to parents does mean its getting more serious but doesn't mean its exclusive. But just ask her. speculating about it wont help anyone at the end of the day and usually you think of the worst possible explanation
How would you even go about this over messenger though, randomly ask her what are we? or mention the dating apps first and see her response
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