Relationship problems

Hi i'm 22 years old. I'm a girl and everytime me and my boyfriend agrued something i say bad things about him that makes him doubt himself. But of course because he wants updates everytime. He wanted me to text him everything that i do and its suffocating. Everytime i'm 5mins late of reply he gets mad or worse he is accusing me if i did anything wrong like entertaining someone. Which is freakingly wrong!

Then ended up exhanging words that might hurt us. If He's calling me and i dont want to answer. Lots of words that came out to his mouth.

All i want is to cool down a bit. I want us to at least cool our heads. I wont answer his call and he thinks i dont care for him. He thinks i only text him if i dont have any choices.

****s crazy. I love him but his mindset is freaking me.

Reply 1

lordonomateo

16

Original post by itsluckytal

Hi i'm 22 years old. I'm a girl and everytime me and my boyfriend agrued something i say bad things about him that makes him doubt himself. But of course because he wants updates everytime. He wanted me to text him everything that i do and its suffocating. Everytime i'm 5mins late of reply he gets mad or worse he is accusing me if i did anything wrong like entertaining someone. Which is freakingly wrong!

Then ended up exhanging words that might hurt us. If He's calling me and i dont want to answer. Lots of words that came out to his mouth.

All i want is to cool down a bit. I want us to at least cool our heads. I wont answer his call and he thinks i dont care for him. He thinks i only text him if i dont have any choices.

****s crazy. I love him but his mindset is freaking me.

It just sounds like he’s a controlling ass with major insecurity issues who needs to work on himself before being in a relationship. It sounds harsh but it’s true. If he’s that insecure and emotionally manipulative, he shouldn’t be in a relationship at the moment.

I don’t know how to help as I’m only 16 and never been in a proper relationship but I’d advise to speak to him about it and how it’s upsetting you. Maybe it might knock some sense into him I don’t know. But at the moment it seems like he’s not ready for a proper relationship if he’s acting like this. You deserve a life too, and you should feel happy and free.

Reply 2

04MR17

Volunteer Section Leader

22

Original post by itsluckytal

Hi i'm 22 years old. I'm a girl and everytime me and my boyfriend agrued something i say bad things about him that makes him doubt himself. But of course because he wants updates everytime. He wanted me to text him everything that i do and its suffocating. Everytime i'm 5mins late of reply he gets mad or worse he is accusing me if i did anything wrong like entertaining someone. Which is freakingly wrong!

Then ended up exhanging words that might hurt us. If He's calling me and i dont want to answer. Lots of words that came out to his mouth.

All i want is to cool down a bit. I want us to at least cool our heads. I wont answer his call and he thinks i dont care for him. He thinks i only text him if i dont have any choices.

****s crazy. I love him but his mindset is freaking me.

Sorry to hear about this.

My advice would be to (in person, not over text) sit down with him and have a conversation. Explain that you're worried about this relationship. Explain that comments about you being unfaithful are hurtful and disrespectful. If you don't respect each other then your relationship is over whether you like it or not.

Explain that it's unrealistic to need updates every 5 minutes and that perhaps this need to know what you're doing is some form of anxiety that he needs to deal with, not you needing to pick up the pieces afterwards.

That's the first step.

You can do two steps in one go and suggest that you both make a promise to be nicer to each other. Or you can see how the first bits go and approach this step a week later.

Reply 3

DrawTheLine

22

Original post by itsluckytal

Hi i'm 22 years old. I'm a girl and everytime me and my boyfriend agrued something i say bad things about him that makes him doubt himself. But of course because he wants updates everytime. He wanted me to text him everything that i do and its suffocating. Everytime i'm 5mins late of reply he gets mad or worse he is accusing me if i did anything wrong like entertaining someone. Which is freakingly wrong!

Then ended up exhanging words that might hurt us. If He's calling me and i dont want to answer. Lots of words that came out to his mouth.

All i want is to cool down a bit. I want us to at least cool our heads. I wont answer his call and he thinks i dont care for him. He thinks i only text him if i dont have any choices.

****s crazy. I love him but his mindset is freaking me.

This doesn't sound like a good relationship. Firstly, why do you say bad things about him? No matter what the argument is about, never result to insults or making the other person feel bad about themselves like that. It really isn't healthy.

Secondly, it sounds like he is massively insecure and is trying to control you to help him control his insecurities. Fair enough if you want some space after an argument, but you need to communicate that to him. Answer his call and say "I need some space to think and process my feelings, I will call you later when I have cooled off." Communication is so important. If you have a row and suddenly then stop all communication with him, it's not going to help him or you feel any better. His behaviour is completely unacceptable, but you could make a few improvements too. Sit down with him (or video call him if you are currently separated due to the situation) and talk about how he is making you feel and what you would like to change. Then he can explain his feelings and hopefully you both can come to a solution that works for both of you.

Reply 4

itsluckytal

OP

4

I keep on telling him about updates that isnt necessary. And he keeps on telling me communication is the key ( i know exactly )

But, i cant help but feel suffocated everytime i forgot to reply because i also have a life (am i selfish?)

Reply 5

itsluckytal

OP

4

I told him do not jump to conclusion about me entertaining someone (we argue that everytime) and he keep telling me "that why would i feel guilty? I just want you to answer that question."

Which is annoying because he keeps on saying that every arguements. Annoying.

Reply 6

itsluckytal

OP

4

If i told him i need space to cool down he gets mad. Because why the F would i do that if i could just talk to him. Thats what he said.

I mean if both of us heated due to argument there is no sense of talking. But cool us down first.

Reply 7

itsluckytal

OP

4

If I didnt answer his calls and text.
He feels disrespected by that.

Reply 8

04MR17

Volunteer Section Leader

22

Original post by itsluckytal

I keep on telling him about updates that isnt necessary. And he keeps on telling me communication is the key ( i know exactly )

But, i cant help but feel suffocated everytime i forgot to reply because i also have a life (am i selfish?)

Original post by itsluckytal

I told him do not jump to conclusion about me entertaining someone (we argue that everytime) and he keep telling me "that why would i feel guilty? I just want you to answer that question."

Which is annoying because he keeps on saying that every arguements. Annoying.

Original post by itsluckytal

If i told him i need space to cool down he gets mad. Because why the F would i do that if i could just talk to him. Thats what he said.

I mean if both of us heated due to argument there is no sense of talking. But cool us down first.

Original post by itsluckytal

If I didnt answer his calls and text.
He feels disrespected by that.

These are all big indications of a controlling relationship.
See here:
https://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=4773096

My advice would be to leave him, since he seems to not have ears enough to listen to your words.

Reply 9

Miss Maddie

19

He's controlling! It's an unhealthy relationship. You shouldn't continue a relationship where you are being controlled and where you are being freaked by a mindset.

The best thing for you to do is break up with him, find a new boyfriend. Relationships don't work when you keep trying things and improving things. They need to work from the start without things like this happening. It's inevitable that it'll end in the near future. Relationships like this always do. End it now and stop yourself from wasting time waiting for the inevitable.

It will be hard to end. It will hurt at first. It will be worth it in the long run.

OP

Thankyou

Original post by itsluckytal

Hi i'm 22 years old. I'm a girl and everytime me and my boyfriend agrued something i say bad things about him that makes him doubt himself. But of course because he wants updates everytime. He wanted me to text him everything that i do and its suffocating. Everytime i'm 5mins late of reply he gets mad or worse he is accusing me if i did anything wrong like entertaining someone. Which is freakingly wrong!

Then ended up exhanging words that might hurt us. If He's calling me and i dont want to answer. Lots of words that came out to his mouth.

All i want is to cool down a bit. I want us to at least cool our heads. I wont answer his call and he thinks i dont care for him. He thinks i only text him if i dont have any choices.

****s crazy. I love him but his mindset is freaking me.

It’s a troll, no one reply op is just looking for attention

Reply 12

itsluckytal

OP

4

Everytime we argue. He keeps on telling if ever i have plans on leaving him. He always said that he doesnt have regrets on loving me, caring for me, advising me, because he knows himself what he did was right. 😔 he did those becuasw of me. Because im not a kid anymore. And whats the use of me having boyfriend if cant even listen to every words hes saying 😔

I want to complain but nah....

Reply 13

Anonymous #1

Original post by itsluckytal

Everytime we argue. He keeps on telling if ever i have plans on leaving him. He always said that he doesnt have regrets on loving me, caring for me, advising me, because he knows himself what he did was right. 😔 he did those becuasw of me. Because im not a kid anymore. And whats the use of me having boyfriend if cant even listen to every words hes saying 😔

I want to complain but nah....

Op is troll, I think he can’t seem to sleep so is finding making random stories up and seems to be finding it entertaining. Please don’t be fooled by it