English language paper 2 qs5

14

‘Snow seems like it is picturesque, exciting and fun but, it causes accidents, inconvenience and economic disruption.’
Write an article for a broadsheet newspaper in which you explain your point of view on this issue.
Hii, I am in year 10 and we got English language qs5 as our homework. This is my first attempting this type of qs and I am really bad at English are there any improvements that I can make
Snow creates this winter wonderland fun picturesque scene, that we all love and adore. Since we were young, we would create snowmen and have snow fights with our friends, thinking about brings me pure nostalgia. While graceful in its gentle descent, I would argue that snow, and the subsequent icy nightmare that follows, is anything but good. Is snow all that white and pure as it looks, or does it have a hidden murky truth?
As we all know, it is the middle winter, plunging temperatures, hot chocolates, and coronavirus. Snow causes the temperature to fall below 0, which causes detrimental health effects to us humans. Research at the University of Oxford has told The Sun that coronavirus cases will exponentially grow if temperatures go below -3. These harsh climates act as a breeding ground for the virus, making the virus eminently more contagious. Many elders have already been victimized by this vicious virus, even more, will be taken in the coming months. Hospitals are struggling to keep afloat. Many patients are afraid to go to hospitals, in case they get the coronavirus, this has caused many to sadly lose their lives. The deaths have already increased by 20%, causing distraught within communities. Boris Johnson has said that there may be a further lockdown 2 to protect our lives, but his current message is “stay alert, control the virus and save lives”.Our hearts go out to you in your time of sorrow.
Many children, adults, and even elders enjoy going out to play in the snow. Children love the snow, it gives them an ecstatic aura. A survey conducted by the Gov tells The Sun, that more than 10% of children are going outside more. Going outside is good for mental wellbeing and has a positive impact on overall health. Contrastingly, the NHS has conveyed its serious concern about the negatives of snow. It is proven that 48% of serious injuries for children are due to the snow, so why would you put your own child at risk? These injuries are as small as bruises and cuts, to brain damage and paralysis. However, it is not just young children but older adults such as the elderly too. For example, the elderly struggle to walk anyways daily, and when it snows, it creates an even bigger hazard for them as they cannot step out of the house for important reasons such as medical appointments. Therefore, it creates a danger for both the elderly and young children

Reply 1

medscorer2020

11

Assuming this is AQA.

perhaps reword 'thinking about brings me pure nostalgia'

Make use of a semi colon here as it will give you more marks 'it is the middle winter, plunging temperatures, hot chocolates, and coronavirus'

Good use of research however avoid mentioning the Sun as this is actually a tabloid newspaper 'Research at the University of Oxford has told The Sun'

please add units here as this will make your 'research' more legitimate and convincing 'if temperatures go below -3'

colon instead of comma would be very nice here 'they get the coronavirus, this has caused many to sadly lose their lives'

perhaps reword 'may be a further lockdown 2 to protect our lives'

avoid using abbreviations 'the Gov tells The Sun' and again with 'the Sun' avoid as this is tabloid and the question directly says broadcast

Have you finished this sentence? 'Therefore, it creates a danger for both the elderly and young children'
perhaps consider a more evocative ending

Other than these critical points your creative writing seems quite good. I would also suggest picking up on the key words in the question and discussing more towards the economic side rather than political if that makes sense. Also if you were doing this in your real gcses I think it would be worthwhile structuring it as a broadsheet newspaper, i.e with columns and a title! as this would stand out to the examiner more.

good luck and stay safe!

Reply 2

username5063840

OP

14

Thanks so much for your help

Reply 3

pinkycloudy

7

Original post by username5063840

‘Snow seems like it is picturesque, exciting and fun but, it causes accidents, inconvenience and economic disruption.’
Write an article for a broadsheet newspaper in which you explain your point of view on this issue.
Hii, I am in year 10 and we got English language qs5 as our homework. This is my first attempting this type of qs and I am really bad at English are there any improvements that I can make
Snow creates this winter wonderland fun picturesque scene, that we all love and adore. Since we were young, we would create snowmen and have snow fights with our friends, thinking about brings me pure nostalgia. While graceful in its gentle descent, I would argue that snow, and the subsequent icy nightmare that follows, is anything but good. Is snow all that white and pure as it looks, or does it have a hidden murky truth?
As we all know, it is the middle winter, plunging temperatures, hot chocolates, and coronavirus. Snow causes the temperature to fall below 0, which causes detrimental health effects to us humans. Research at the University of Oxford has told The Sun that coronavirus cases will exponentially grow if temperatures go below -3. These harsh climates act as a breeding ground for the virus, making the virus eminently more contagious. Many elders have already been victimized by this vicious virus, even more, will be taken in the coming months. Hospitals are struggling to keep afloat. Many patients are afraid to go to hospitals, in case they get the coronavirus, this has caused many to sadly lose their lives. The deaths have already increased by 20%, causing distraught within communities. Boris Johnson has said that there may be a further lockdown 2 to protect our lives, but his current message is “stay alert, control the virus and save lives”.Our hearts go out to you in your time of sorrow.
Many children, adults, and even elders enjoy going out to play in the snow. Children love the snow, it gives them an ecstatic aura. A survey conducted by the Gov tells The Sun, that more than 10% of children are going outside more. Going outside is good for mental wellbeing and has a positive impact on overall health. Contrastingly, the NHS has conveyed its serious concern about the negatives of snow. It is proven that 48% of serious injuries for children are due to the snow, so why would you put your own child at risk? These injuries are as small as bruises and cuts, to brain damage and paralysis. However, it is not just young children but older adults such as the elderly too. For example, the elderly struggle to walk anyways daily, and when it snows, it creates an even bigger hazard for them as they cannot step out of the house for important reasons such as medical appointments. Therefore, it creates a danger for both the elderly and young children

which year's past paper is this?

English language paper 2 qs5

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