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Should I give up drinking?

At the age of thirteen, I took the first sip of alcohol that changed me into the man I am today. There was a brand new bottle of vodka sitting in the pantry in the kitchen of my former home. My sister had purchased it from the local off-licence and though I had no right to drink it, nothing could stop me. From that moment on it got gradually worse. I now find myself in the habit of consuming alcohol.

Life has never been a bed of roses. I was never as popular as my eldest sister and nobody ever shown a flicker of interest in me. The only thing I found comfort in was alcohol, who never judged me and only wanted to be loved in return. Now I realize that it's not my best friend, but my worst enemy.

I have committed many crimes, some of which could land me in hot water. I don't want to spend the rest of my life in prison, but that's where I could wind up. Long ago I was apprehended for assault. The person I assaulted was my friend during a heated argument. Fortunately he never pressed charges and I was let off with a warning. Since then, I've dug up the resentful past with my ex-girlfriend, who claimed I harassed her when she reported me to the police. She was never worth my time and never again do I want to hear from her, yet alcohol overturns that from being the case. I have also sent hurtful messages to people on Facebook, some of whom will never speak to me again. I have since left social media and now spend my time researching my ancestry and writing blogs.

The nights I drowned my surrows, I would be knocking back pints after pints of beer, though I was no stranger to the occasional bottle of rum. It would result in me doing something illegal, only to wake up the next morning and remember what I did.

Alcohol is the only thing preventing me from reaching my potential. It has cost me so much already, yet something pulls me down. I want to break free and escape the thing that's holding me back.

The damaging effects of alcohol has caused my ugliness. I have bad breath, dehydrated skin, an overhanging beer belly and currently stand at 17 stone. My memory is lapsing and I can't stop my hands from shaking when I'm not drinking, although that could be caused by a history of epilepsy. I have not had a seizure in over a decade, not since 2009. The last one was severe. I recall going into my older sister's bedroom and waking her up. The rest of my family were sleeping, and my sister thought I was eating pizza. She claimed the blood splashed over my mouth, resembled tomato ketchup. There are countless benefits of not having seizures, including the ability to drive. Though alcohol could spark a return.

The feeling of being a loser overwhelms me, and I am unable to concentrate, regardless if I'm writing something or watching a film. Many people think I'm exaggerating when I joke about being an "alcoholic" and I try to justify my carousing when endeavoring to convince them that it's not all that bad. But I'm through with waking up feeling dreadful, only to be told what I did the night before and having flashbacks of these occurrences. However, certain alcohol problem courses costs*an*arm*and*leg and I'm not prepared to be in the company of other alcohol addicts, who discuss their feelings, because frankly I'm not that sort of person.

I still find myself living at home with my mother, stepfather and disabled sister. Most people my age have flown the nest, but I have nowhere else to go, as nobody wants to lend me a helping hand. My mother proposes that I "go to the council" and inform them that I am practically homeless. That would be pointless as all they will do is add me to the accrescent list of people in the same situation and it could be years before somewhere actually becomes available. Numerous people have wasted a lifetime, when they could've used this time in a more productive manner.

I must find a way to lose weight, adopt a new attitude and find comfort in something different, perhaps I will write that screenplay that I've always neglected. Someday I would like to reminisce about these days and realize how lucky I was to find the will power to quit drinking. The road to recovery is in the distance, but one day I would like to share my story with the world.