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I’m 23 and my parents still see me as a child..

So i’m 23, going on 24 (male) i’ve just finished uni and work full time whilst living at home with my parents.. i love them so much but they don’t want to let me grow up (more my mum, my dad doesn’t really care, not in a negative way, he’s just pretty chilled). But anyway, my mum still does things for me that a mum would do to a 12 year old child i.e wants to book my appointments, tells me what time to go, messaging me all the time to see what i’m doing.. don’t get me wrong i love her so much and she means so well, but i get so frustrated and i often end up being mean and feeling awful afterwords. An example would be earlier when we were having a bbq, she was looking over me cutting chicken and wanted to make sure it was warm before i ate it. I’ve never had a girlfriend, or girls over my house for that matter (i have had flings in uni but nothing serious). There are other underlying reasons for this which i won’t go into. I wouldn’t say i’m strange a weird, but i have learnt to be happy in my own company, and probably think a bit too much (maybe as a result of being an only child) probably above average intelligence, sporty and take care of myself. I’m generally a very happy and grateful personI have lots of friends but i can’t really talk to anyone about this, so i’m here.. i’m so far behind all of my friends with relationships etc, i see their relationships with their parents and it’s so different to mine, and i honestly can’t see this changing anytime soon.. i don’t want to sound ungrateful or spoilt, they’ve done so much for me.. they’re older, the day they go will be the worst days of my life.. but it’s really holding me back, i’m saving up to go travelling before hopefully going to med school.. but i almost feel guilty at the thought of them being a bag of nerves when i’m gone.. thankyou for taking the time to read this.
Original post by Anonymous
So i’m 23, going on 24 (male) i’ve just finished uni and work full time whilst living at home with my parents.. i love them so much but they don’t want to let me grow up (more my mum, my dad doesn’t really care, not in a negative way, he’s just pretty chilled). But anyway, my mum still does things for me that a mum would do to a 12 year old child i.e wants to book my appointments, tells me what time to go, messaging me all the time to see what i’m doing.. don’t get me wrong i love her so much and she means so well, but i get so frustrated and i often end up being mean and feeling awful afterwords. An example would be earlier when we were having a bbq, she was looking over me cutting chicken and wanted to make sure it was warm before i ate it. I’ve never had a girlfriend, or girls over my house for that matter (i have had flings in uni but nothing serious). There are other underlying reasons for this which i won’t go into. I wouldn’t say i’m strange a weird, but i have learnt to be happy in my own company, and probably think a bit too much (maybe as a result of being an only child) probably above average intelligence, sporty and take care of myself. I’m generally a very happy and grateful personI have lots of friends but i can’t really talk to anyone about this, so i’m here.. i’m so far behind all of my friends with relationships etc, i see their relationships with their parents and it’s so different to mine, and i honestly can’t see this changing anytime soon.. i don’t want to sound ungrateful or spoilt, they’ve done so much for me.. they’re older, the day they go will be the worst days of my life.. but it’s really holding me back, i’m saving up to go travelling before hopefully going to med school.. but i almost feel guilty at the thought of them being a bag of nerves when i’m gone.. thankyou for taking the time to read this.

You don't have to answer this, but are your parents Asian by any chance?
Do you have siblings or are you an only child? It's human nature - in fact most of nature to flee the nest. Sooner or later you will and you will then make your own mistakes along the way.

It's tough being a parent, children do not come with instructions! Mothers can be very protective no matter which culture they come from. Lockdown does not help matters.

Make your plans and when covid19 restrictions are relaxed, do what you need to do.

Do not fret about your parents, they will cope just fine - they did before you were born after all.
Reply 3
Original post by Anonymous
You don't have to answer this, but are your parents Asian by any chance?


No they’re not, they’re caucasian.
You live at home, no wonder they treat you that way. Fly the nest like a real man
Reply 5
Original post by uberteknik
Do you have siblings or are you an only child? It's human nature - in fact most of nature to flee the nest. Sooner or later you will and you will then make your own mistakes along the way.

It's tough being a parent, children do not come with instructions! Mothers can be very protective no matter which culture they come from. Lockdown does not help matters.

Make your plans and when covid19 restrictions are relaxed, do what you need to do.

Do not fret about your parents, they will cope just fine - they did before you were born after all.


I have a half sister but she’s 15 years older and is married etc..
Thankyou for the reply!
Give it TIME.
(edited 3 years ago)
She wants to feel useful and the parent/child relationship never fully develops because you’ll always be their child in a way. You should move out when you can.
Reply 8
Original post by benladdie3000
Not really *****

Tbf it's not uncommon in places like London, especially with rising houses prices.
Original post by Anonymous
You’re a 28 year old bloke posting on a student site.. looks that those dating sites haven’t paid off you ugly virgin..


Nice 1 anonymous.
Original post by Anonymous
You’re a 28 year old bloke posting on a student site.. looks that those dating sites haven’t paid off you ugly virgin..

I'm 35 m8
I always thought my parents would stop treating me like a child when I moved out. But no. I moved into our place with my partner more than 2 years ago now and still I get treated like I'm 5 and told what to do all the time. I think it's just a parent thing. They think they know best - which they sometimes might - but I think it's equally important to let your kids make their own mistakes. Most of the things I get lectured on wouldn't be that big a deal if they went wrong anyway!
Original post by uberteknik
Ooooh you're soooo brave posting anonymously.

Grow up dickh**d.


Your profile, along with almost every other profile on TSR, is anonymous. Very few people use their real picture as their avatar and use their real name. You’re no better than the person you quoted by insulting them.
i felt this on a personal level . i am the youngest child (23) and my mother is clinging onto me for dear life ... i am hoping to move out for uni soon and praying it will help ! (however feel somewhat guilty for leaving her behind???)
weirdly im in a very similar situation as you. graduating at 24? How is it? I'm also in that predicament (I don't do medicine) and I'm worried employers will think I'm retarded for graduating for so late. and I have a very similar personality to you, even though i come from a family of 6!

same thing with my mum. its a mum thing.

think about it from her POV. imagine we were in the toy stories movies where the toys can come to life, if I had the champions league trophy with me all day I'll feed, clothe it, bathe it even if it was 30 years old! My point is that you'll never understand the love a mum has for her son, and esp you're the only child, she loves you dearly. you're her project, probably her best accomplishment and she doesn't want you ever leave you. the way i sort it is that i joke around about it with my mum, without hurting her feelings. it'll kinda help her realise that she actually needs to start getting you to be independent. if you're desperate to leave, try to engineer someway with work where you get to work out of town/abroad for a bit so you're forced to move out. but seriously mate, the time you have with your mum is finite, stay with her as long as possible, you'll have plenty of time to live alone.
My parents, especially my mum, went from strict to you-do-you almost instantly when I turned 18. I think you need to have a serious conversation with them and say, look, I'm an adult and I should be responsible for myself. Make clear that kind of overprotection is doing you more harm than good. Probably also a good idea to reassure them that they can show love and affection in ways other than treating you as a child.
Original post by Anonymous
weirdly im in a very similar situation as you. graduating at 24? How is it? I'm also in that predicament (I don't do medicine) and I'm worried employers will think I'm retarded for graduating for so late. and I have a very similar personality to you, even though i come from a family of 6!

same thing with my mum. its a mum thing.

think about it from her POV. imagine we were in the toy stories movies where the toys can come to life, if I had the champions league trophy with me all day I'll feed, clothe it, bathe it even if it was 30 years old! My point is that you'll never understand the love a mum has for her son, and esp you're the only child, she loves you dearly. you're her project, probably her best accomplishment and she doesn't want you ever leave you. the way i sort it is that i joke around about it with my mum, without hurting her feelings. it'll kinda help her realise that she actually needs to start getting you to be independent. if you're desperate to leave, try to engineer someway with work where you get to work out of town/abroad for a bit so you're forced to move out. but seriously mate, the time you have with your mum is finite, stay with her as long as possible, you'll have plenty of time to live alone.


I actually graduated last year, but there were plenty of people on my course who were 24-26, nobody batted an eye lid and they’re currently employed in good jobs! What subject are you graduating in? Thank you for the in depth reply, the champions league example was very relatable!
Original post by Racresmol
My parents, especially my mum, went from strict to you-do-you almost instantly when I turned 18. I think you need to have a serious conversation with them and say, look, I'm an adult and I should be responsible for myself. Make clear that kind of overprotection is doing you more harm than good. Probably also a good idea to reassure them that they can show love and affection in ways other than treating you as a child.


Thankyou for your reply, the whole ‘doing more harm than good’ thing is exactly the point i was trying to make in my OP.
Original post by Racresmol
My parents, especially my mum, went from strict to you-do-you almost instantly when I turned 18. I think you need to have a serious conversation with them and say, look, I'm an adult and I should be responsible for myself. Make clear that kind of overprotection is doing you more harm than good. Probably also a good idea to reassure them that they can show love and affection in ways other than treating you as a child.

Well, mine for example never seem to understand no matter how I phrase it. Always fall back into aggravating old habits. Even when in some instances I've proven their advice to be radically wrong... doesn't stop them.
Reply 19
Original post by Anonymous
So i’m 23, going on 24 (male) i’ve just finished uni and work full time whilst living at home with my parents.. i love them so much but they don’t want to let me grow up (more my mum, my dad doesn’t really care, not in a negative way, he’s just pretty chilled). But anyway, my mum still does things for me that a mum would do to a 12 year old child i.e wants to book my appointments, tells me what time to go, messaging me all the time to see what i’m doing.. don’t get me wrong i love her so much and she means so well, but i get so frustrated and i often end up being mean and feeling awful afterwords. An example would be earlier when we were having a bbq, she was looking over me cutting chicken and wanted to make sure it was warm before i ate it. I’ve never had a girlfriend, or girls over my house for that matter (i have had flings in uni but nothing serious). There are other underlying reasons for this which i won’t go into. I wouldn’t say i’m strange a weird, but i have learnt to be happy in my own company, and probably think a bit too much (maybe as a result of being an only child) probably above average intelligence, sporty and take care of myself. I’m generally a very happy and grateful personI have lots of friends but i can’t really talk to anyone about this, so i’m here.. i’m so far behind all of my friends with relationships etc, i see their relationships with their parents and it’s so different to mine, and i honestly can’t see this changing anytime soon.. i don’t want to sound ungrateful or spoilt, they’ve done so much for me.. they’re older, the day they go will be the worst days of my life.. but it’s really holding me back, i’m saving up to go travelling before hopefully going to med school.. but i almost feel guilty at the thought of them being a bag of nerves when i’m gone.. thankyou for taking the time to read this.


Your mum is overprotective of her only child! But yiu allow it for yiur own reasons!

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