I am quite possibly the most socially anxious person alive

As stupid as it sounds, have you tried working on your breathing? When you control your breath, you're under the influence of your parasympathetic nervous system, which makes you more relaxed. I suggest watching Wim Hof's videos but @Arthur_Morgan may have some advice on meditation as well?

As stupid as it sounds, have you tried working on your breathing? When you control your breath, you're under the influence of your parasympathetic nervous system, which makes you more relaxed. I suggest watching Wim Hof's videos but @Arthur_Morgan may have some advice on meditation as well?

I think the real question for you is where did this all start from? Because I strongly doubt you were born quite like this to this extent, especially given your fresher's experience.

Obviously you don't have to answer this publicly on here, but it's certainly something that's holding you back and in order to work on it, you have to know what it is. I get the feeling you probably do know what it is already and that's what you'll have to work on in order to allow yourself to open up.

my therapist asked me the same thing and I didn’t have an answer because I really can’t pinpoint what might’ve triggered it. I was pretty outgoing in primary school, I had a lot of friends. But I would also selectively isolate myself because I often just preferred being on my own.
Then in secondary school, things just went downhill and I started ending up alone not because I wanted to be but because I couldn’t socialise with people. I’m not sure if anything specific happened.... if it did, I have no clue.

My social anxiety used to be bad to the point where I could barely function. I had 0 friends in school because I was basically mute. Any time someone tried to talk to me, I would just freeze and either say nothing or start stuttering. Even if I was buying something in a shop, when I was next in line I would literally have a meltdown inside, leave the queue, put my items back and get out of the shop.

There was a short period of time at the beginning of university where it was like my entire life had flipped upside down. I just felt... different. For the first time I didn’t have a thousand thoughts running through my mind when someone spoke to me, it was like I could actually process what they were saying and formulate a response to it. But then the hype of freshers died down and I’m now in third year and back to being totally friendless and extremely socially anxious and I’ve been chasing that first year feeling ever since.

I seem to always find myself in really awkward situations, or at least to me. Like today, I went to the post office to send off an urgent letter. I somehow missed the massive queue outside and a guy came in to the shop not long after I’d gone in to tell me that there was a queue outside.

I literally felt like death. I just mumbled an apology and couldn’t lift my head as I walked past everyone waiting outside. Always feel like people are looking and judging me. I know it’s irrational, but I can’t help it. Then, when it was my turn to post my letter, the guy behind the counter had a bit of a funky accent and I couldn’t understand him well. Every question he asked me, like how I wanted it posted, I struggled to formulate an answer too. I just stuttered through everything.

Even walking down the street, I am hyper aware of the people around me. I can’t look straight ahead, my eyes are always glued to the floor or darting around because I have no idea where to look.
Needless to say, I wasn’t this bad before but lockdown has absolutely decimated what little social skills I had left.

Any kind of advice would be appreciated. I know someone will bring this up and yes, I have tried therapy. I had CBT sessions with a therapist for nearly half a year and I think therapy is very subjective. It didn’t help me, so I want to work on bettering myself on my own, but I don’t know how.

A slightly pointed question, I admit, but are you especially intelligent? Often, gifted individuals can feel isolated from their peers as they're unable to connect with many of them in conversation.

A situation which can really be exacerbated in secondary school as you don't spend the entirety of your school week with the same people, limiting your ability to make these connections, among other factors.

So given your past experiences, could this be a reason? Also do you have the same social anxiety issues with family members?

you're pretty much describing my life story here. its all been very similar for me too. anxious as hell most of my life, was also a mute at school, they had to call my mum in to talk about me because they were so worried. at home around the people i know i was loud but as soon as i was outside or a stranger came to the door, i crawled back into my shell again. never had friends in primary school, had one or two girls who sympathised with me enough to look out for me during high school but i never met them outside of school and was honest why, that i had problems going out. thankfully they understood but after school was over we only kept in contact via text before that eventually fizzled out too.

college was absolute hell. i didn't even want to go but my dad is strict so he said either college or get a job, because i couldn't find a job (being 16 and most places told me the requirement was 18) i had to go to college where i went back to being a complete mute again and as a result i was bullied horrifically. name calling on a daily basis, laughed at, had things thrown at me, openly embarrassed many times. even my teachers seemed to hate me. i was treated like a freak, no one wanted to be anywhere near me. and like your average mousy type i just took it. i never responded or reacted, i just let them do it and went home and prayed for death. but out of a college full of thousands of hateful people there was of course that one saintly person who took pity on me, for me it was a careers adviser who was so lovely that i opened up to her and told her that i hated it at that college and that everyone was mean to me and so she advised me to go to a different college and helped me do all the work to send me there. which in itself was a challenge due to my anxiety. a catch-22, on one hand i wanted to leave cos i hated the college that i was at but on the other hand i was too scared to move to another college and start again.

but eventually i went for the latter and it was the best decision i made because in comparison the second college was a God-send. everyone treated me better but thats also because i forced myself to open up a little bit more. i spoke more, dressed more confidently, even walked confidently. but i didn't do a whole 180 because i still had anxieties. i finally made one friend... but often struggled to go out with her.
oh and presentations were a nightmare, in college they always want you doing a presentation once every few weeks and i always tried staying off on those days or getting out of it. boy i lied so much about 'doctors appointments' etc to get out of class early to avoid doing a presentation. but sometimes i did have to do one and it would make me feel nervous for days/weeks leading up to it.

overall i did still enjoy my experience there. and then went to uni and loved it there too but again my social life was non-existent. friendships only went as far as inside uni, if they invited me to a party i would never go and always used the excuse that i was 'working that day'. same scenario with presentations, i missed one and it almost jeopardised my mark there was a guy that liked me at uni too but it was never perused because of my nervousness. i liked him too but he was overly confident thats why i avoided him, i didn't think i'd be good enough for him being the complete opposite. so whenever he used to smile at me i turned my head the other way and pretended that i didn't see him.
and i even went as far as changing one of my courses early on, one that i really wanted to do but due to the lamest thing that happened because of my anxiety i had no other choice

basically when i first started there was this class i really wanted to take but i stupidly arrived at the lesson a few minutes later, looked through the window and noticed that the class was full and everyone had already taken their seats. a normal person would have just walked in and found a seat, me - i stood outside the door and went through a 10 minute battle mentally screaming at myself to just open the damn door and walk through... but sadly i couldn't and i let the anxiety win. so i turned around and went home then send an email to my tutor asking her if she could send me to a different class. thats how bad it was. anxiety man... its so crippling. my entire life has been ruined by it. Gosh I wish i was normal, I'd probably be living a much better, more fun right now than what I'm living now. I know for certain I'm an extrovert but I'm stuck inside my introvert body, screaming to get out

Hey I'll come back to you on this one.

I would suggest seeking professional help if you can and do some reading around this.

You can use nlp, breathing exercises, relaxation techniques.

The more you practice the better you'll get putting yourself in social situations or go with somone trusted.

I'll reply back for me.

you're pretty much describing my life story here. its all been very similar for me too. anxious as hell most of my life, was also a mute at school, they had to call my mum in to talk about me because they were so worried. at home around the people i know i was loud but as soon as i was outside or a stranger came to the door, i crawled back into my shell again. never had friends in primary school, had one or two girls who sympathised with me enough to look out for me during high school but i never met them outside of school and was honest why, that i had problems going out. thankfully they understood but after school was over we only kept in contact via text before that eventually fizzled out too.

college was absolute hell. i didn't even want to go but my dad is strict so he said either college or get a job, because i couldn't find a job (being 16 and most places told me the requirement was 18) i had to go to college where i went back to being a complete mute again and as a result i was bullied horrifically. name calling on a daily basis, laughed at, had things thrown at me, openly embarrassed many times. even my teachers seemed to hate me. i was treated like a freak, no one wanted to be anywhere near me. and like your average mousy type i just took it. i never responded or reacted, i just let them do it and went home and prayed for death. but out of a college full of thousands of hateful people there was of course that one saintly person who took pity on me, for me it was a careers adviser who was so lovely that i opened up to her and told her that i hated it at that college and that everyone was mean to me and so she advised me to go to a different college and helped me do all the work to send me there. which in itself was a challenge due to my anxiety. a catch-22, on one hand i wanted to leave cos i hated the college that i was at but on the other hand i was too scared to move to another college and start again.

but eventually i went for the latter and it was the best decision i made because in comparison the second college was a God-send. everyone treated me better but thats also because i forced myself to open up a little bit more. i spoke more, dressed more confidently, even walked confidently. but i didn't do a whole 180 because i still had anxieties. i finally made one friend... but often struggled to go out with her.
oh and presentations were a nightmare, in college they always want you doing a presentation once every few weeks and i always tried staying off on those days or getting out of it. boy i lied so much about 'doctors appointments' etc to get out of class early to avoid doing a presentation. but sometimes i did have to do one and it would make me feel nervous for days/weeks leading up to it.

overall i did still enjoy my experience there. and then went to uni and loved it there too but again my social life was non-existent. friendships only went as far as inside uni, if they invited me to a party i would never go and always used the excuse that i was 'working that day'. same scenario with presentations, i missed one and it almost jeopardised my mark there was a guy that liked me at uni too but it was never perused because of my nervousness. i liked him too but he was overly confident thats why i avoided him, i didn't think i'd be good enough for him being the complete opposite. so whenever he used to smile at me i turned my head the other way and pretended that i didn't see him.
and i even went as far as changing one of my courses early on, one that i really wanted to do but due to the lamest thing that happened because of my anxiety i had no other choice

basically when i first started there was this class i really wanted to take but i stupidly arrived at the lesson a few minutes later, looked through the window and noticed that the class was full and everyone had already taken their seats. a normal person would have just walked in and found a seat, me - i stood outside the door and went through a 10 minute battle mentally screaming at myself to just open the damn door and walk through... but sadly i couldn't and i let the anxiety win. so i turned around and went home then send an email to my tutor asking her if she could send me to a different class. thats how bad it was. anxiety man... its so crippling. my entire life has been ruined by it. Gosh I wish i was normal, I'd probably be living a much better, more fun right now than what I'm living now. I know for certain I'm an extrovert but I'm stuck inside my introvert body, screaming to get out

Yeah presentations are the worst, I always skipped the days I had to do a presentation all throughout school, college and uni. I only attended the ones that were graded and they were a nightmare. I couldn't get the words out and if I did I could be heard. The tutors would keep telling me to speak up but I couldn't it was like there was something stuck in my throat and my voice would go croaky.

I have the same problem with guys. I liked someone at college, he's a few years younger than me and I knew he liked me back, it was too intense when our eyes met or when I knew he was there but I just felt anxious all the time, I'd ignore him a lot and avoided him. He never said anything he probably thought I didn't like him and he was really extroverted so he must have been thinking how it would work between us or thought I was too much work. I regret it now but I can't change myself, I wish I could have said something to him, he was engaged the last I heard so he's clearly moved on and there's no chance of trying now. I've liked someone at uni too but the same thing happened. I wish I could change but I doubt I ever will. Because of this I've never had any real friends or any relationship. I've never even kissed a guy and I'm in my late twenties now. I don't think any guy will ever want to be with me, I will die alone never experiencing love like that 😔

Sometimes I hear about other girls who are like us being in relationships and it gives me hope but there really is no hope. I'll never find anyone. The person for me is out there but he will probably think the same and get with someone else. It's a never ending cycle.

I'm sorry that you've had to experience this, I resonated a lot with what you wrote. Even the whole missing presentations (and potentially losing marks because of it) thing and switching courses (which I attempted to do when I realised that my only-somewhat friend wouldn't be in it too - and I did manage to switch in the end). Especially waiting outside lecture halls and having an internal debate as to whether or not I should face it and go in or just up and leave.
It's sad that I'm in my final year of Uni too, because it's almost like my final opportunity to make friends before the workplace and with the rate that it's going, I'm not sure that it'll end well..
Either way, I hope that we can both find a way through this, eventually.