I'm being accused of leading this guy on for months...what do you guys think?
So basically a guy started texting me around the end of 2019/start of 2020. We had already known each other casually from college but were never close until we started talking. He was upfront about his intentions, as 2 weeks into us texting on fb, he said "i'm gonna be honest with you, I'm interested in you in a romantic sense and would like to get to know you better for the purpose of an eventual relationship, I honestly am not talking to you to be your friend i'm not gonna lie" I appreciated his honesty and said why not, i'll give him a chance. I told him "ok we'll get to know each other better and if all goes well, we'll take the next step for sure"
From this point forward, we started getting closer. It seems that he really liked me. I thought he was handsome and believed that with time I would eventually develop a strong interest in him. Over a period of 3 months, we would text every single day, attend some college lectures together and we went on a couple of dates, and we just started getting closer and closer. Anyways after 3 months I never caught feelings for him and decided to end us "seeing" each other. I honestly don't think i was interested in the guy at all, like ever.
When I rejected him as a potential partner and told him that I would rather we stay friends, he didn't take it well I guess. He accused me of leading him on, and his reasoning was that I said some "things" to him that he took as signs of interest on my part. He says that he thought I was into him because I agreed to meet some of his family members including his mom, told him things like "you're my type" and "I treat you in a special way", and went out with him twice and was going on a third date before plans were scrapped. To him, that was me leading him on because he thinks those were signs that I was interested in him, when honestly I was never interested and was just giving him and myself a chance.
He told his story to one of my friends and she says he was correct that I led him on and that I should apologize to him.
Tldr; rejected a male friend, he then accuses me of leading him on because I told him things like "you're my type" "I treat you in a special way", went on dates with him and met some of his family members. He says that I should have rejected him much earlier if I was never at all interested in him, and my friend backs him up.
From this point forward, we started getting closer. It seems that he really liked me. I thought he was handsome and believed that with time I would eventually develop a strong interest in him. Over a period of 3 months, we would text every single day, attend some college lectures together and we went on a couple of dates, and we just started getting closer and closer. Anyways after 3 months I never caught feelings for him and decided to end us "seeing" each other. I honestly don't think i was interested in the guy at all, like ever.
When I rejected him as a potential partner and told him that I would rather we stay friends, he didn't take it well I guess. He accused me of leading him on, and his reasoning was that I said some "things" to him that he took as signs of interest on my part. He says that he thought I was into him because I agreed to meet some of his family members including his mom, told him things like "you're my type" and "I treat you in a special way", and went out with him twice and was going on a third date before plans were scrapped. To him, that was me leading him on because he thinks those were signs that I was interested in him, when honestly I was never interested and was just giving him and myself a chance.
He told his story to one of my friends and she says he was correct that I led him on and that I should apologize to him.
Tldr; rejected a male friend, he then accuses me of leading him on because I told him things like "you're my type" "I treat you in a special way", went on dates with him and met some of his family members. He says that I should have rejected him much earlier if I was never at all interested in him, and my friend backs him up.
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He sounds like a female dog. You have the right to change your mind and he should just take it on the chin.
Original post by Anonymous
I honestly don't think i was interested in the guy at all, like ever.
.
I honestly don't think i was interested in the guy at all, like ever.
.
There is your answer.
You don't owe him a relationship or a date or whatever, of course not, but if you weren't interested in him from the start it wasn't fair to just be like "well I'll just wait and see if I end up liking him later on". Thats a really unfair thing to do, people aren't like a dodgy haircuts that you might settle into after a while.
Reverse that situation onto yourself and think about if you would be happy with someone thinking "Well, whatever. I guess I'll just try this person out. Not crazy about them either way 🤷🏻*♀️". Personally, I would prefer someone to actually be interested in me before they started testing the waters, and if you weren't interested, you should have just told him so.
Original post by Anonymous
So basically a guy started texting me around the end of 2019/start of 2020. We had already known each other casually from college but were never close until we started talking. He was upfront about his intentions, as 2 weeks into us texting on fb, he said "i'm gonna be honest with you, I'm interested in you in a romantic sense and would like to get to know you better for the purpose of an eventual relationship, I honestly am not talking to you to be your friend i'm not gonna lie" I appreciated his honesty and said why not, i'll give him a chance. I told him "ok we'll get to know each other better and if all goes well, we'll take the next step for sure"
From this point forward, we started getting closer. It seems that he really liked me. I thought he was handsome and believed that with time I would eventually develop a strong interest in him. Over a period of 3 months, we would text every single day, attend some college lectures together and we went on a couple of dates, and we just started getting closer and closer. Anyways after 3 months I never caught feelings for him and decided to end us "seeing" each other. I honestly don't think i was interested in the guy at all, like ever.
When I rejected him as a potential partner and told him that I would rather we stay friends, he didn't take it well I guess. He accused me of leading him on, and his reasoning was that I said some "things" to him that he took as signs of interest on my part. He says that he thought I was into him because I agreed to meet some of his family members including his mom, told him things like "you're my type" and "I treat you in a special way", and went out with him twice and was going on a third date before plans were scrapped. To him, that was me leading him on because he thinks those were signs that I was interested in him, when honestly I was never interested and was just giving him and myself a chance.
He told his story to one of my friends and she says he was correct that I led him on and that I should apologize to him.
Tldr; rejected a male friend, he then accuses me of leading him on because I told him things like "you're my type" "I treat you in a special way", went on dates with him and met some of his family members. He says that I should have rejected him much earlier if I was never at all interested in him, and my friend backs him up.
From this point forward, we started getting closer. It seems that he really liked me. I thought he was handsome and believed that with time I would eventually develop a strong interest in him. Over a period of 3 months, we would text every single day, attend some college lectures together and we went on a couple of dates, and we just started getting closer and closer. Anyways after 3 months I never caught feelings for him and decided to end us "seeing" each other. I honestly don't think i was interested in the guy at all, like ever.
When I rejected him as a potential partner and told him that I would rather we stay friends, he didn't take it well I guess. He accused me of leading him on, and his reasoning was that I said some "things" to him that he took as signs of interest on my part. He says that he thought I was into him because I agreed to meet some of his family members including his mom, told him things like "you're my type" and "I treat you in a special way", and went out with him twice and was going on a third date before plans were scrapped. To him, that was me leading him on because he thinks those were signs that I was interested in him, when honestly I was never interested and was just giving him and myself a chance.
He told his story to one of my friends and she says he was correct that I led him on and that I should apologize to him.
Tldr; rejected a male friend, he then accuses me of leading him on because I told him things like "you're my type" "I treat you in a special way", went on dates with him and met some of his family members. He says that I should have rejected him much earlier if I was never at all interested in him, and my friend backs him up.
Yes, you lead him on.
It doesn't take 3 months to work out if you like someone romantically
Original post by Anonymous
So basically a guy started texting me around the end of 2019/start of 2020. We had already known each other casually from college but were never close until we started talking. He was upfront about his intentions, as 2 weeks into us texting on fb, he said "i'm gonna be honest with you, I'm interested in you in a romantic sense and would like to get to know you better for the purpose of an eventual relationship, I honestly am not talking to you to be your friend i'm not gonna lie" I appreciated his honesty and said why not, i'll give him a chance. I told him "ok we'll get to know each other better and if all goes well, we'll take the next step for sure"
From this point forward, we started getting closer. It seems that he really liked me. I thought he was handsome and believed that with time I would eventually develop a strong interest in him. Over a period of 3 months, we would text every single day, attend some college lectures together and we went on a couple of dates, and we just started getting closer and closer. Anyways after 3 months I never caught feelings for him and decided to end us "seeing" each other. I honestly don't think i was interested in the guy at all, like ever.
When I rejected him as a potential partner and told him that I would rather we stay friends, he didn't take it well I guess. He accused me of leading him on, and his reasoning was that I said some "things" to him that he took as signs of interest on my part. He says that he thought I was into him because I agreed to meet some of his family members including his mom, told him things like "you're my type" and "I treat you in a special way", and went out with him twice and was going on a third date before plans were scrapped. To him, that was me leading him on because he thinks those were signs that I was interested in him, when honestly I was never interested and was just giving him and myself a chance.
He told his story to one of my friends and she says he was correct that I led him on and that I should apologize to him.
Tldr; rejected a male friend, he then accuses me of leading him on because I told him things like "you're my type" "I treat you in a special way", went on dates with him and met some of his family members. He says that I should have rejected him much earlier if I was never at all interested in him, and my friend backs him up.
From this point forward, we started getting closer. It seems that he really liked me. I thought he was handsome and believed that with time I would eventually develop a strong interest in him. Over a period of 3 months, we would text every single day, attend some college lectures together and we went on a couple of dates, and we just started getting closer and closer. Anyways after 3 months I never caught feelings for him and decided to end us "seeing" each other. I honestly don't think i was interested in the guy at all, like ever.
When I rejected him as a potential partner and told him that I would rather we stay friends, he didn't take it well I guess. He accused me of leading him on, and his reasoning was that I said some "things" to him that he took as signs of interest on my part. He says that he thought I was into him because I agreed to meet some of his family members including his mom, told him things like "you're my type" and "I treat you in a special way", and went out with him twice and was going on a third date before plans were scrapped. To him, that was me leading him on because he thinks those were signs that I was interested in him, when honestly I was never interested and was just giving him and myself a chance.
He told his story to one of my friends and she says he was correct that I led him on and that I should apologize to him.
Tldr; rejected a male friend, he then accuses me of leading him on because I told him things like "you're my type" "I treat you in a special way", went on dates with him and met some of his family members. He says that I should have rejected him much earlier if I was never at all interested in him, and my friend backs him up.
This is a tough one to answer, because the exact thing happened to me. A guy knew I was interested in him and he said he may be interested in me, and would get to know me better, as a prelude to a long term relationship. But here's the kicker: he never fancied me right from the start, yet he knew my intentions, because a mutual friend told him. Basically he just wanted my friendship for the sake of his own vanity. He was really miserable and wanted someone to complain to. When I tried to cheer him up (I do think I can make people laugh) nothing changed. He just carried on not listening and seeing the worst in every situation.
After a month, nothing romantic happened, so I bravely confronted him. He evaded an answer, saying he might know if he was interested in me in 6 months time. This was annoying me, so I said "Did you ever fancy me?" "No" came the answer. "Will you ever fancy me?" The answer was also no. And he said the "no" with a great big, fat, smirk on his face! Basically he was watching me squirm. After I left, and told him I was never coming to his house again, he took great pleasure in going to see our friends in the pub and bragging that there was just "no chemistry" for him.
You never did that, did you? You gave it 3 months and it didn't work. Then you were honest with him. That's fine. You gave him a chance. You have to like and get on with a boyfriend, more importantly to see yourself with him in a year or so's time. At least you gave him that opportunity to get close to you. Everyone has a right to change their mind, and this guy should have respected your wishes. You didn't do anything wrong, but to avoid any confusion and further anger/upset, it's probably best to avoid him and his friends completely. Do not feel guilty, you did your best.
So what happened to my "friend?" Five days later, I went out with all our friends. A new member was there, who was really lovely and the total opposite of Mr Pathetic. This made me see that the guy I had befriended was not for me. The original guy and I are in a chat group and now he is beginning to see the error of his ways. He now compliments me at each opportunity, hints he has made a mistake and wants to take me out for a drink. Believe me, after the way he treated me, he will not get a drink, or anything else, out of me! In fact, I am enjoying toying with him, as he did with me, lol.
Original post by Zarek
You have the right to reject or dump someone at any point. I can see why the way this played out would cause a bit of confusion and angst when he was keen on you.
This is exactly the point. It's not a straightforward situation, is it? At least OP was upfront with the guy.
Original post by Oxford Mum
This is exactly the point. It's not a straightforward situation, is it? At least OP was upfront with the guy.
Dating is seldom a straightforward situation
You've nothing to apologise for. He was upfront about his interest, you gave it an honest go, and the spark just wasn't there. That's just how dating works.
I'm pretty confused why you'd tell someone they're your type if they aren't?
Original post by sinfonietta
You've nothing to apologise for. He was upfront about his interest, you gave it an honest go, and the spark just wasn't there. That's just how dating works.
Maybe shouldn't have met his family and told him stuff like "you're my type" "I treat you special"
Original post by Anonymous
So basically a guy started texting me around the end of 2019/start of 2020. We had already known each other casually from college but were never close until we started talking. He was upfront about his intentions, as 2 weeks into us texting on fb, he said "i'm gonna be honest with you, I'm interested in you in a romantic sense and would like to get to know you better for the purpose of an eventual relationship, I honestly am not talking to you to be your friend i'm not gonna lie" I appreciated his honesty and said why not, i'll give him a chance. I told him "ok we'll get to know each other better and if all goes well, we'll take the next step for sure"
From this point forward, we started getting closer. It seems that he really liked me. I thought he was handsome and believed that with time I would eventually develop a strong interest in him. Over a period of 3 months, we would text every single day, attend some college lectures together and we went on a couple of dates, and we just started getting closer and closer. Anyways after 3 months I never caught feelings for him and decided to end us "seeing" each other. I honestly don't think i was interested in the guy at all, like ever.
When I rejected him as a potential partner and told him that I would rather we stay friends, he didn't take it well I guess. He accused me of leading him on, and his reasoning was that I said some "things" to him that he took as signs of interest on my part. He says that he thought I was into him because I agreed to meet some of his family members including his mom, told him things like "you're my type" and "I treat you in a special way", and went out with him twice and was going on a third date before plans were scrapped. To him, that was me leading him on because he thinks those were signs that I was interested in him, when honestly I was never interested and was just giving him and myself a chance.
He told his story to one of my friends and she says he was correct that I led him on and that I should apologize to him.
Tldr; rejected a male friend, he then accuses me of leading him on because I told him things like "you're my type" "I treat you in a special way", went on dates with him and met some of his family members. He says that I should have rejected him much earlier if I was never at all interested in him, and my friend backs him up.
From this point forward, we started getting closer. It seems that he really liked me. I thought he was handsome and believed that with time I would eventually develop a strong interest in him. Over a period of 3 months, we would text every single day, attend some college lectures together and we went on a couple of dates, and we just started getting closer and closer. Anyways after 3 months I never caught feelings for him and decided to end us "seeing" each other. I honestly don't think i was interested in the guy at all, like ever.
When I rejected him as a potential partner and told him that I would rather we stay friends, he didn't take it well I guess. He accused me of leading him on, and his reasoning was that I said some "things" to him that he took as signs of interest on my part. He says that he thought I was into him because I agreed to meet some of his family members including his mom, told him things like "you're my type" and "I treat you in a special way", and went out with him twice and was going on a third date before plans were scrapped. To him, that was me leading him on because he thinks those were signs that I was interested in him, when honestly I was never interested and was just giving him and myself a chance.
He told his story to one of my friends and she says he was correct that I led him on and that I should apologize to him.
Tldr; rejected a male friend, he then accuses me of leading him on because I told him things like "you're my type" "I treat you in a special way", went on dates with him and met some of his family members. He says that I should have rejected him much earlier if I was never at all interested in him, and my friend backs him up.
https://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/showthread.php?t=6517396
She absolutely lead him on. She met his family and told him you're my type. If those aren't signs of someone being interested, then I don't know what is. She even agreed to a THIRD date. Why do you continue to agree to dating someone (over a period of THREE months, remember) if you're not interested? OP was using the guy in question as her emotional tampon. Based on the information written in the post, she is an absolutely ****ty human being and she knows deep inside she hurt the guy.
Why would you give someone a chance to begin with if you're not interested in them? OP said she was NEVER interested in the first place. That's not how dating works. I guess she wanted someone to give her free dinner?
Lol you're attacking the guy for being honest and straightforward about his intentions with the girl? He likes her and wants her in a romantic setting, he communicated that accordingly, he doesn't want friendship and he has every right to express that. She also has every right to reject him if she thought that he was being a d***. She didn't. You're probably one of those simps who talk to women being their 'friend' then throw your toys out the pram when they inevitably reject you.
Why would you give someone a chance to begin with if you're not interested in them? OP said she was NEVER interested in the first place. That's not how dating works. I guess she wanted someone to give her free dinner?
Lol you're attacking the guy for being honest and straightforward about his intentions with the girl? He likes her and wants her in a romantic setting, he communicated that accordingly, he doesn't want friendship and he has every right to express that. She also has every right to reject him if she thought that he was being a d***. She didn't. You're probably one of those simps who talk to women being their 'friend' then throw your toys out the pram when they inevitably reject you.
Saying "You're my type" and him not being your type is leading him on. Him showing you to his parents is the equivalent of getting his parents approval on the girl he wants to someday marry, but you knew this and went along with it.
Sounds to me you were lonely and wanted some male attention, now that college/university is closed you no longer receive the same amount of attention, no longer get to go out on dates, and the societal factor of being a female that's single is no longer relevant.
Sounds to me you were lonely and wanted some male attention, now that college/university is closed you no longer receive the same amount of attention, no longer get to go out on dates, and the societal factor of being a female that's single is no longer relevant.
(edited 3 years ago)
Original post by Anonymous
So basically a guy started texting me around the end of 2019/start of 2020. We had already known each other casually from college but were never close until we started talking. He was upfront about his intentions, as 2 weeks into us texting on fb, he said "i'm gonna be honest with you, I'm interested in you in a romantic sense and would like to get to know you better for the purpose of an eventual relationship, I honestly am not talking to you to be your friend i'm not gonna lie" I appreciated his honesty and said why not, i'll give him a chance. I told him "ok we'll get to know each other better and if all goes well, we'll take the next step for sure"
From this point forward, we started getting closer. It seems that he really liked me. I thought he was handsome and believed that with time I would eventually develop a strong interest in him. Over a period of 3 months, we would text every single day, attend some college lectures together and we went on a couple of dates, and we just started getting closer and closer. Anyways after 3 months I never caught feelings for him and decided to end us "seeing" each other. I honestly don't think i was interested in the guy at all, like ever.
When I rejected him as a potential partner and told him that I would rather we stay friends, he didn't take it well I guess. He accused me of leading him on, and his reasoning was that I said some "things" to him that he took as signs of interest on my part. He says that he thought I was into him because I agreed to meet some of his family members including his mom, told him things like "you're my type" and "I treat you in a special way", and went out with him twice and was going on a third date before plans were scrapped. To him, that was me leading him on because he thinks those were signs that I was interested in him, when honestly I was never interested and was just giving him and myself a chance.
He told his story to one of my friends and she says he was correct that I led him on and that I should apologize to him.
Tldr; rejected a male friend, he then accuses me of leading him on because I told him things like "you're my type" "I treat you in a special way", went on dates with him and met some of his family members. He says that I should have rejected him much earlier if I was never at all interested in him, and my friend backs him up.
From this point forward, we started getting closer. It seems that he really liked me. I thought he was handsome and believed that with time I would eventually develop a strong interest in him. Over a period of 3 months, we would text every single day, attend some college lectures together and we went on a couple of dates, and we just started getting closer and closer. Anyways after 3 months I never caught feelings for him and decided to end us "seeing" each other. I honestly don't think i was interested in the guy at all, like ever.
When I rejected him as a potential partner and told him that I would rather we stay friends, he didn't take it well I guess. He accused me of leading him on, and his reasoning was that I said some "things" to him that he took as signs of interest on my part. He says that he thought I was into him because I agreed to meet some of his family members including his mom, told him things like "you're my type" and "I treat you in a special way", and went out with him twice and was going on a third date before plans were scrapped. To him, that was me leading him on because he thinks those were signs that I was interested in him, when honestly I was never interested and was just giving him and myself a chance.
He told his story to one of my friends and she says he was correct that I led him on and that I should apologize to him.
Tldr; rejected a male friend, he then accuses me of leading him on because I told him things like "you're my type" "I treat you in a special way", went on dates with him and met some of his family members. He says that I should have rejected him much earlier if I was never at all interested in him, and my friend backs him up.
It was all going well until you said you met his family
Original post by Anonymous
So basically a guy started texting me around the end of 2019/start of 2020. We had already known each other casually from college but were never close until we started talking. He was upfront about his intentions, as 2 weeks into us texting on fb, he said "i'm gonna be honest with you, I'm interested in you in a romantic sense and would like to get to know you better for the purpose of an eventual relationship, I honestly am not talking to you to be your friend i'm not gonna lie" I appreciated his honesty and said why not, i'll give him a chance. I told him "ok we'll get to know each other better and if all goes well, we'll take the next step for sure"
From this point forward, we started getting closer. It seems that he really liked me. I thought he was handsome and believed that with time I would eventually develop a strong interest in him. Over a period of 3 months, we would text every single day, attend some college lectures together and we went on a couple of dates, and we just started getting closer and closer. Anyways after 3 months I never caught feelings for him and decided to end us "seeing" each other. I honestly don't think i was interested in the guy at all, like ever.
When I rejected him as a potential partner and told him that I would rather we stay friends, he didn't take it well I guess. He accused me of leading him on, and his reasoning was that I said some "things" to him that he took as signs of interest on my part. He says that he thought I was into him because I agreed to meet some of his family members including his mom, told him things like "you're my type" and "I treat you in a special way", and went out with him twice and was going on a third date before plans were scrapped. To him, that was me leading him on because he thinks those were signs that I was interested in him, when honestly I was never interested and was just giving him and myself a chance.
He told his story to one of my friends and she says he was correct that I led him on and that I should apologize to him.
Tldr; rejected a male friend, he then accuses me of leading him on because I told him things like "you're my type" "I treat you in a special way", went on dates with him and met some of his family members. He says that I should have rejected him much earlier if I was never at all interested in him, and my friend backs him up.
From this point forward, we started getting closer. It seems that he really liked me. I thought he was handsome and believed that with time I would eventually develop a strong interest in him. Over a period of 3 months, we would text every single day, attend some college lectures together and we went on a couple of dates, and we just started getting closer and closer. Anyways after 3 months I never caught feelings for him and decided to end us "seeing" each other. I honestly don't think i was interested in the guy at all, like ever.
When I rejected him as a potential partner and told him that I would rather we stay friends, he didn't take it well I guess. He accused me of leading him on, and his reasoning was that I said some "things" to him that he took as signs of interest on my part. He says that he thought I was into him because I agreed to meet some of his family members including his mom, told him things like "you're my type" and "I treat you in a special way", and went out with him twice and was going on a third date before plans were scrapped. To him, that was me leading him on because he thinks those were signs that I was interested in him, when honestly I was never interested and was just giving him and myself a chance.
He told his story to one of my friends and she says he was correct that I led him on and that I should apologize to him.
Tldr; rejected a male friend, he then accuses me of leading him on because I told him things like "you're my type" "I treat you in a special way", went on dates with him and met some of his family members. He says that I should have rejected him much earlier if I was never at all interested in him, and my friend backs him up.
You said : .."honestly I was never interested and was just giving him and myself a chance." I agree with your friend. You were never attracted to him. You were just wasted his time. What do you mean by giving him a chance? Chance for what ? You said you never fancied him. He should have put you on the spot earlier though to protect himself from wasting his time. After 2 months he should have asked you about physical intimacy. And this would have helped him to figure you out. Whether to dump you or carry on.
Original post by sinfonietta
You've nothing to apologise for. He was upfront about his interest, you gave it an honest go, and the spark just wasn't there. That's just how dating works.
No, its not how dating works in my opinion. She said: "honestly I was never interested and was just giving him and myself a chance." If she was never interested then what was the time wasting about? It was about her needs and her issues probably. He was also possibly a bit naive. Why did he not notice after 3 months that she was not physically and emotionally attached to him?
I have gone on dates with nice men who I am not sure I fancy but they are suitable types and I was single abd thought well I should give it a go, I want to find a nice chap etc.
It’s usually fairly obvious if you are going down the friends route or dating route as with one you start getting jiggy! Or at least snogging! But new friendships can also be intense like dating.
I’d not say you led him on but just be aware people can be over invested so don’t do things that may give then wrong idea (like meeting family which is a pretty strong “ this is my girlfriend” statement usually)
It’s usually fairly obvious if you are going down the friends route or dating route as with one you start getting jiggy! Or at least snogging! But new friendships can also be intense like dating.
I’d not say you led him on but just be aware people can be over invested so don’t do things that may give then wrong idea (like meeting family which is a pretty strong “ this is my girlfriend” statement usually)
I've never understood the world of relationships and why people act like that. There is more to a person that romantic material.
OP it sounds like you were giving him the chance he wanted and he just doesn't like the outcome. Not your faut you aren't interested in him and he isn't owed anything from you.
OP it sounds like you were giving him the chance he wanted and he just doesn't like the outcome. Not your faut you aren't interested in him and he isn't owed anything from you.
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- sex for the first time?
- Endless MAFS!
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