My Mum.

OP

Original post by NonIndigenous

Very difficult to put words in your mouth on things like this.

What prompted you to want to write to her all of a sudden? You could open with that perhaps.

yes i agree. I geuss I wanted to write to her because i want to start bringing our relationship back. I know it wont be the same but yer

Reply 3

NonIndigenous

20

Original post by Anonymous

yes i agree. I geuss I wanted to write to her because i want to start bringing our relationship back. I know it wont be the same but yer

So you're no longer angry with her?

Why do you want the relationship back? Is there any specific reason, or event, that triggered you to thinking this?

10 years is a long time. I'm not saying you shouldn't do it, not at all. I'm saying, you should figure out the genuine reasons why you're doing it, and be honest with yourself, so you can be honest with her too. You probably want to avoid writing a crappy email or letter that will be full of shallow gibberish, and this is how you do it. If you want a real relationship, a good place to start and re-build it from is by being honest. Even if you still by any chance feel that anger, figure out the reasons for that anger, and don't keep it to yourself, but do control it.

By the way, I'm sorry you went through this. It can feel like shyt and play head games on you in ways you don't even realise, to feel like you're 'not wanted' by even your own parents. Obviously I don't know the reasons why she did it, why she gave you up for adoption, and that is probably something you two will need to sort out & understand each other on when you get talking. Maybe she was in serious trouble, single with very little money, etc. and wanted something more for you than she was able to provide. Maybe she was too young to have a child. I don't know: you need to find out.

Reply 4

squeakysquirrel

20

Original post by Anonymous

Hey guys,
So i am a foster child and have been since 4. I am now 16. I have not seen or heard from my mum for over 10 years. (due to me hating what she did)
I decided I wanna write to her but I don't know what to write and I don't want to call her my mum because she hasn't been there for me like a mother should. Please give sensible answers and I can pm you if you wanna chat on there about it and I can give a little background. not all though!! Thanks, x

I am guessing you have a social worker - best to talk it through with them. No matter what you decide and what you say, it is very noble of you to try and open the dialogue and I wish you all the best.

Reply 5

OP

Original post by squeakysquirrel

I am guessing you have a social worker - best to talk it through with them. No matter what you decide and what you say, it is very noble of you to try and open the dialogue and I wish you all the best.

yes i have a social worker. and thank you!!

Reply 6

You don’t have to call her mum. You also don’t have to include everything in the first letter and I would keep it simple and quite neutral. You are being very brave and mature. Everything will be OK, regardless of what happens.

Reply 7

OP

Original post by YaliaV

You don’t have to call her mum. You also don’t have to include everything in the first letter and I would keep it simple and quite neutral. You are being very brave and mature. Everything will be OK, regardless of what happens.

ok thank you. and awww that means alto to me x

Reply 8

Original post by Anonymous

ok thank you. and awww that means alto to me x

You should try to make peace with what happened for your own sake; anger can be very damaging and you deserve to be happy. You were powerless as a child, but you can start to take control of your life now. Don’t let her manipulate or hurt you again. I have a difficult relationship with my mum, so I can relate to some extent.

Reply 9

OP

Original post by YaliaV

You should try to make peace with what happened for your own sake; anger can be very damaging and you deserve to be happy. You were powerless as a child, but you can start to take control of your life now. Don’t let her manipulate or hurt you again. I have a difficult relationship with my mum, so I can relate to some extent.

awwww thank you so so so much. honestly that helps alot and i cant even thank you enough!!

Reply 10

Original post by Anonymous

awwww thank you so so so much. honestly that helps alot and i cant even thank you enough!!

No problem. I really hope it goes well! I’m sure everything will be fine.

Reply 11

OP

Original post by YaliaV

No problem. I really hope it goes well! I’m sure everything will be fine.

by the way it was me who just followed you now.

Reply 12

Original post by Anonymous

by the way it was me who just followed you now.

I followed you back. You can message me if you need to chat/vent. Definitely talk to your social worker about it as well.

(edited 3 years ago)

Reply 13