The Student Room Group

excuses for not going out with "friends"

I put friends in speech marks because sometimes they aren't actually friends, just people who sort of are but you don't really want to know.

1) So, for people who are friends, what do you say when the truth isn't very pleasing eg. you've seen too much of them recently or you just don't feel like it. The problem is I can't make up something random because generally they know my business and they know what is realistic and what isn't.

2) For people who sort of think that you're friends with them but you'd rather just cut them out of your life, what do you say?

When uni starts it would be piss easy, but right now its the middle of the summer holiday, everyone knows I don't have a job and I don't have f.a. to do (other than playing tennis two nights a week).

If I lie and say I'm meeting other "friends", they're pretty nosy so they ask who and what we're doing, which means I have to tell quite a detailed lie, which I don't like doing. Also, I blame facebook for this partially because most people I know also know most other people I know, so they can check what they're doing quite easily, making it hard for me to lie.

I wish I could jsut scream down the phone to them "just leave me alone for two weeks! I want a two week holiday from being asked what I'm doing! Just because I'm not busy doesn't mean I have to meet you!" But if I do that everyone will think I'm some weird loner with mental issues.

Scroll to see replies

why don't you just say, "sorry, don't feel like going out today, want to stay in", it's the truth and they can't really argue with this. If you want to cut people out of your life and not be friends with them, then why are you? Life is too short to pretend to be friends with people for whatever reason, if you really don't want to be friends with them then you don't need to explain to them why - just tell them you're not going out, end of! :smile:
Surely if they aint friends then you dont care what they think? just ignore them you dont need excuses
Reply 3
Yeah, what aeternuslight said. Or you could pretend that a parent wants to spend some time with you?
Reply 4
nnnnl
everyone will think I'm some weird loner with mental issues.

Hmmm. "Think".
nah I'm only messing. Just say you have family stuff on.
And it will be so much better at uni. Why not give your "mates" a bit more time with you, endure it?
Yes I know what you mean OP. You don't want to spend all your time with friends. Usually I just say I don't feel like it.
Reply 6
Being honest is the most preferable choice, not only because it's the Right Thing to Do, but because it saves having to keep up a lie, especially since most people can tell anyway.

Failing that, you'll have to make an excuse, i.e. occupy yourself in other things so that you're too busy. It has the added benefits that you'll actually be doing something, rather than sitting around fielding excuses all the time.
I'm guilty of saying "I don't feel too good and can't face meeting up" a few times or using the fact that I live really far away from most of my friends and can't drive as an excuse :ninja:
Family. Always the best one as they have no possible way of knowing the 'cousins' I'm meant to be going out with.
Reply 9
Just say you don't feel like it? Or you have no money? or you feel a bit ill?
Reply 10
It depends on whether your friends are guys or gals. For example, a guy saying 'I can't make it tonight - I'm getting lucky with my boyfriend/girlfriend' will work for most guy friends, but not so much for girls - in my experience.

If you can't think of anything, just tell them to piss off and leave you alone :smile:.
you could say youve got no money, or you want to save up for something and going out tempts you to spend...
Reply 12
seriously what is wrong with the good old fasioned:

No, i cant be boathered!!

or

I dont like you!
Reply 13
There is this woman down the road whose child goes to the same school as mine and because she walks the same route she has attached herself to me and now she arrives on my doorstep at 11am almost every morning and brings her child with her to play and then straight after school. She will be here for roughly 5 hours in the day which drives me nuts. I started ignoring her calls and the door so she would come round the back and knock on the kitchen window. So eventually I told her, she couldn't come round I had loads of prescribed reading to do, she said, don't worry, I'll keep out your way.... the moral of the story, tell people to pee off if you don't want to see them. Good luck hun :biggrin:
Reply 14
I had to do this earlier. I love my best friend but today i'm sitting on TSR in my pyjamas all day and then sorting out some packing and stuff for my new house. I knew if i I said I didn't feel like going shopping then she'd just turn up at my house and sit around, thus hindering me from sitting on the computer or tidying. Plus, she'd sneer at me for being in my pyjamas at half 2. So I told her i'm going shopping with my mum. Hope she doesn't just turn up anyway and find out I lied.

Edit: 5 minutes later and she has sent me a pissed off text telling me something I "have" to do while i'm in town. ARGHHH
Reply 15
aeternuslight
why don't you just say, "sorry, don't feel like going out today, want to stay in", it's the truth and they can't really argue with this. If you want to cut people out of your life and not be friends with them, then why are you? Life is too short to pretend to be friends with people for whatever reason, if you really don't want to be friends with them then you don't need to explain to them why - just tell them you're not going out, end of! :smile:


Because I do it too often. People think that I'm doing something suspicious because I stay in a lot or I don't want to tell them what I'm doing.

As for the people I'm not really friends with, the problem is that I've known one or two of them for years and years. Most people can blow them off by saying that they're busy or they're just not up for it, but because I'm (supposed to be) close to these people, they don't take no's. They demand to know what I'm doing or why I don't want to go, which means I have to lie.

Surely if they aint friends then you dont care what they think? just ignore them you dont need excuses


I know what you mean but its not like the'yre randomers who I've just met, I've known them for too long. They're almost family friends, their parents know my parents, and they all ****ing gossip.
nnnnl
Because I do it too often. People think that I'm doing something suspicious because I stay in a lot or I don't want to tell them what I'm doing.

As for the people I'm not really friends with, the problem is that I've known one or two of them for years and years. Most people can blow them off by saying that they're busy or they're just not up for it, but because I'm (supposed to be) close to these people, they don't take no's. They demand to know what I'm doing or why I don't want to go, which means I have to lie.



I know what you mean but its not like the'yre randomers who I've just met, I've known them for too long. They're almost family friends, their parents know my parents, and they all ****ing gossip.


It doesn't sound like these "friends" are very good people to have in your life, sounds like they put more stress on you, and friends aren't supposed to do that. I know it's difficult, but seriously, you should not take no for an answer, tell them you're busy with your own stuff, tell them you don't need to explain yourself. If they were good friends they would understand this and give you space. Same thing with the friends who get suspicious, if they were good friends they'd understand that everyone needs some time alone, and that this doesn't mean you're "up to something" it just means you need some space. It is difficult though isn't it? I totally understand, maybe if you can put up with it for a bit longer things will get better once you're at uni :smile:
I agree with the person who said pretend youre going out with family or something. Make up some family gathering/birthday/wedding you have to go to.
Failing that avoid any contact with them; ignore texts/calls, dont go on MSN etc.. say your phones broken or something, everyone knows thats a blatant lie, maybe they'll get the message :biggrin:
Don't go on facebook, appear offline on MSN, don't pick up the phone, etc :biggrin:
Reply 19
"**** off, I want some space."

Failing that, punch them all in the faces and walk off.