Boyfriend doesn't miss me during lockdown

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 8 months ago
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So my boyfriend and I live quite far apart (about 2 hours away by train), and haven't been able to see each other during lockdown.
What bothers me is that this doesn't seem to affect him at all! We text each other every day (the same as we did before this), but it's like we're not in the middle of extraordinary circumstances.
Thing is he agrees to video calls when I ask, when we are together he is very attentive, kind, etc. When I don't reply to texts for a few days he will message asking what's going on.
But this really bothers me - he hasn't even said that he misses me, doesn't initiate any video calls....
Any advice?
Behaviour like this would normally be am instant breakup from me, but because his behaviour is otherwise examplary I have second thougts...
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HoldThisL
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everything here suggests that "he doesn't miss me" was an exaggeration
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Hard man
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So my boyfriend and I live quite far apart (about 2 hours away by train), and haven't been able to see each other during lockdown.
What bothers me is that this doesn't seem to affect him at all! We text each other every day (the same as we did before this), but it's like we're not in the middle of extraordinary circumstances.
Thing is he agrees to video calls when I ask, when we are together he is very attentive, kind, etc. When I don't reply to texts for a few days he will message asking what's going on.
But this really bothers me - he hasn't even said that he misses me, doesn't initiate any video calls....
Any advice?
Behaviour like this would normally be am instant breakup from me, but because his behaviour is otherwise examplary I have second thougts...
Grow tf up
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Iforgetiwasbored)
my advice: get some real problems
(Original post by Hard man)
Grow tf up
If you have nothing better to comment go away, you're trolls.

(Original post by HoldThisL)
everything here suggests that "he doesn't miss me" was an exaggeration
Would you mind elaborating why you think that is?
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Hard man
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(Original post by Anonymous)
If you have nothing better to comment go away, you're trolls.


Would you mind elaborating why you think that is?
It’s not against the law for him to not miss you
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HoldThisL
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Would you mind elaborating why you think that is?
not taking the initiative on showing he misses you isn't the same as not missing you - he still spends time with you and that's inevitably going to make missing you less bad. if he's had the ldr experience then it might be second nature to him. if the level of affection you expect is not what you give or he's used to giving, it'd serve you well to voice what you want
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flowertop
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So my boyfriend and I live quite far apart (about 2 hours away by train), and haven't been able to see each other during lockdown.
What bothers me is that this doesn't seem to affect him at all! We text each other every day (the same as we did before this), but it's like we're not in the middle of extraordinary circumstances.
Thing is he agrees to video calls when I ask, when we are together he is very attentive, kind, etc. When I don't reply to texts for a few days he will message asking what's going on.
But this really bothers me - he hasn't even said that he misses me, doesn't initiate any video calls....
Any advice?
Behaviour like this would normally be am instant breakup from me, but because his behaviour is otherwise examplary I have second thougts...
maybe he just doesn’t like video calling in general like I miss my friends so much and we used to video call a lot at the beginning that I don’t really like it anymore even though I still miss them
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Hard man)
It’s not against the law for him to not miss you
Ah...so from everything I've written you do agree that he in fact does not miss me.

(Original post by HoldThisL)
not taking the initiative on showing he misses you isn't the same as not missing you - he still spends time with you and that's inevitably going to make missing you less bad. if he's had the ldr experience then it might be second nature to him. if the level of affection you expect is not what you give or he's used to giving, it'd serve you well to voice what you want
He hasn't seen me for 2 months now...
He was LDR with his uni girlfriend only for the last year of their 3 year relationship (after they'd both left uni). While I've been his girlfriend for 4 months before lockdown, I'd expect us to still at least be in the honeymoon phase of really wanting to see each other but it seems not. I'm not clingy at all (quite the opposite in fact) but this really bothers me.
Would you really not miss your partner after having not seen them in months, or care about the prospect of not seeing them for several more?
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Issakatie
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Normally I would give advice or suggestions but in this instance I'm not too sure, so honestly I think it would be best to talk to him about how you feel and hopefully he'll say how he feels?

I could say maybe he's not as into you as you are into him, since you have to do all the initiating, but idk if you've always been more of the initiator, how long you've been together etc. I could also say he doesn't see much point in saying he misses you etc because it's unlikely we can meet anyone properly for a while, he may just be wanting to meet you and have normal life back to give his all to the relationship. And sorry you feel this way, but yeah talk to him and hopefully he communicates honestly and well
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kekedoyouloveme?
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So my boyfriend and I live quite far apart (about 2 hours away by train), and haven't been able to see each other during lockdown.
What bothers me is that this doesn't seem to affect him at all! We text each other every day (the same as we did before this), but it's like we're not in the middle of extraordinary circumstances.
Thing is he agrees to video calls when I ask, when we are together he is very attentive, kind, etc. When I don't reply to texts for a few days he will message asking what's going on.
But this really bothers me - he hasn't even said that he misses me, doesn't initiate any video calls....
Any advice?
Behaviour like this would normally be am instant breakup from me, but because his behaviour is otherwise examplary I have second thougts...
I understand, how you might be feeling, I'd be angry if I always initiated, but he honestly doesn't seem bad, I think perhaps lay off see what he does and how he reacts to that if you get what I mean, maybe space away would do good.
I'm sure he'll find time for you, and put in effort. Maybe a little space might work.
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Hard man
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Ah...so from everything I've written you do agree that he in fact does not miss me.


He hasn't seen me for 2 months now...
He was LDR with his uni girlfriend only for the last year of their 3 year relationship (after they'd both left uni). While I've been his girlfriend for 4 months before lockdown, I'd expect us to still at least be in the honeymoon phase of really wanting to see each other but it seems not. I'm not clingy at all (quite the opposite in fact) but this really bothers me.
Would you really not miss your partner after having not seen them in months, or care about the prospect of not seeing them for several more?
Speak to him about it if you miss him
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HoldThisL
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Ah...so from everything I've written you do agree that he in fact does not miss me.


He hasn't seen me for 2 months now...
He was LDR with his uni girlfriend only for the last year of their 3 year relationship (after they'd both left uni). While I've been his girlfriend for 4 months before lockdown, I'd expect us to still at least be in the honeymoon phase of really wanting to see each other but it seems not. I'm not clingy at all (quite the opposite in fact) but this really bothers me.
Would you really not miss your partner after having not seen them in months, or care about the prospect of not seeing them for several more?
if they were together for a year of uni, the chance he's used to the effect of a 2 month lockdown is high

a 6 month relationship is definitely out of the honeymoon phase

it's not up to me to judge your clinginess - you have read my second point already ^^^
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Sammylou40
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He sounds ok to me.
Not initiating may just be his way.
He responds, is kind etc.
He’s not clingy or jealous or ignores you.
Tbh is sounds a little like you want to be the centre of attention and that you are not happy that he is able to function perfectly well without you being there. And I don’t mean that unkindly at all.
He shouldn’t have to tell you he misses you but the only one who can answer your question is him.
He’s not a mind reader so perhaps you should talk to him about how you feel
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Issakatie)
Normally I would give advice or suggestions but in this instance I'm not too sure, so honestly I think it would be best to talk to him about how you feel and hopefully he'll say how he feels?

I could say maybe he's not as into you as you are into him, since you have to do all the initiating, but idk if you've always been more of the initiator, how long you've been together etc. I could also say he doesn't see much point in saying he misses you etc because it's unlikely we can meet anyone properly for a while, he may just be wanting to meet you and have normal life back to give his all to the relationship. And sorry you feel this way, but yeah talk to him and hopefully he communicates honestly and well
We'll have been together 4 months before lockdown, so 6 now. The thing is I know that for some people out of sight out of mind, doesn't mean they don't love you, but if he says 'well I don't miss you' that would be the end of it, I can't force him to feel anything.

I think it's natural to want to matter to the other person. I'm in lockdown alone, will probably be for a long while, what I really want is for him to tell me that I matter. Right now it just feels like he doesn't care. I may know that he does, but I really need him to show it. I don't need him breaking lockdown rules or calling every single day or fake love good morning texts, I just need something that says 'Anon, I like you and miss seeing you and you matter to me, and when lockdown ends we'll be together again'.
If even this is unreasonable then I really don't know what is ... I don't know what to say to him
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by kekedoyouloveme?)
I understand, how you might be feeling, I'd be angry if I always initiated, but he honestly doesn't seem bad, I think perhaps lay off see what he does and how he reacts to that if you get what I mean, maybe space away would do good.
I'm sure he'll find time for you, and put in effort. Maybe a little space might work.
Thanks a lot for the advice. I haven't called last week and he hasn't said anything, but as I said when I don;t reply to text he notices though so... I really don't know
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kekedoyouloveme?
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thanks a lot for the advice. I haven't called last week and he hasn't said anything, but as I said when I don;t reply to text he notices though so... I really don't know
Maybe it's calling that bothers him, ask him if that's the case. Was he into video calling before lockdown? Just ask, because if you don't ask you don't get, I'm sure it isn't as bad as it seems x
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Sammylou40)
He sounds ok to me.
Not initiating may just be his way.
He responds, is kind etc.
He’s not clingy or jealous or ignores you.
Tbh is sounds a little like you want to be the centre of attention and that you are not happy that he is able to function perfectly well without you being there. And I don’t mean that unkindly at all.
He shouldn’t have to tell you he misses you but the only one who can answer your question is him.
He’s not a mind reader so perhaps you should talk to him about how you feel
If I wanted to be the center of attention surely I would be moaning about him not calling me everyday, not replying to my texts in 2 hours, etc? He replies to my texts when he can which is hours apart, I have no issue with that, in fact even a couple of days apart is fine when I know he's busy etc. Do you genuinely think not even wanting to say your partner's face or to hear their voice after months is completely normal? When we are together he is very physically affectionate (not just sex but holds me when we are watching TV etc) so I find this out of place.

To be honest the real question I'm probably asking is, what should I talk to him about? If I ask him whether he misses me and he says 'no, because I know I'll see you again' then what is my next sentence supposed to be? He can't change the way he feels, but I can't change the way I do either. I can't change that everyone around me is chatting about how much they miss their partners and I'm here thinking 'does he really not care if he didn't see me in the next 6 months..?' If I didn't miss him at all that would mean I had no feelings for him, so what is the point of having a partner in the first place?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by HoldThisL)
if they were together for a year of uni, the chance he's used to the effect of a 2 month lockdown is high

a 6 month relationship is definitely out of the honeymoon phase

it's not up to me to judge your clinginess - you have read my second point already ^^^
A 4 month relationship in which you've seen each other once every 2 weeks is different from one where you see each other ever day, I'd imagine the honeymoon period would be extended.
Anyway I think you've said all you will say for now - no point in flogging a dead horse. Thanks for your replies
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ChrisW99
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Not everybody misses people when parted from them. It doesn't necessarily mean they don't care.
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Sammylou40
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(Original post by Anonymous)
If I wanted to be the center of attention surely I would be moaning about him not calling me everyday, not replying to my texts in 2 hours, etc? He replies to my texts when he can which is hours apart, I have no issue with that, in fact even a couple of days apart is fine when I know he's busy etc. Do you genuinely think not even wanting to say your partner's face or to hear their voice after months is completely normal? When we are together he is very physically affectionate (not just sex but holds me when we are watching TV etc) so I find this out of place.

To be honest the real question I'm probably asking is, what should I talk to him about? If I ask him whether he misses me and he says 'no, because I know I'll see you again' then what is my next sentence supposed to be? He can't change the way he feels, but I can't change the way I do either. I can't change that everyone around me is chatting about how much they miss their partners and I'm here thinking 'does he really not care if he didn't see me in the next 6 months..?' If I didn't miss him at all that would mean I had no feelings for him, so what is the point of having a partner in the first place?
Honestly I don’t know what question you should ask.
reading what you’ve written now I’m not sure even you have worked out the question yet either.
Id guess that what you really need to know from him is that you are important to him Perhaps ask him that as a starting point.
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