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My mum bullies me for being pretty and for not liking what she does

My mum is horrible to me because she says I am "naturally pretty" and she is apparently not, although no one in my family has ever been mean to her and we don't even see what she does. She always calls herself fat and then puts others down and then makes jibes at me for being skinny, even though I have had anorexia aswell as anxiety and depression. I understand feeling insecure but she has been basically verbally abusing me for years, and then acts all sweet and innocent when I get upset, acting like I am manipulative. She also makes fun of anything I like to do and puts on a sulky attitude when I politely decline doing something she suggests because I don't feel comfortable with it (eg horse riding, yoga, going to the spa???) I don't dress very girly either, but she always tries to make me wear flowery dresses and is super controlling over where I go and what I do. Am I wrong to feel hurt and upset?

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Original post by Anonymous
My mum is horrible to me because she says I am "naturally pretty" and she is apparently not, although no one in my family has ever been mean to her and we don't even see what she does. She always calls herself fat and then puts others down and then makes jibes at me for being skinny, even though I have had anorexia aswell as anxiety and depression. I understand feeling insecure but she has been basically verbally abusing me for years, and then acts all sweet and innocent when I get upset, acting like I am manipulative. She also makes fun of anything I like to do and puts on a sulky attitude when I politely decline doing something she suggests because I don't feel comfortable with it (eg horse riding, yoga, going to the spa???) I don't dress very girly either, but she always tries to make me wear flowery dresses and is super controlling over where I go and what I do. Am I wrong to feel hurt and upset?


I think she needs mental help as her confidence is quite low.
You're not to take it to heart as she isn't thinking clearly at the moment.
Get her help.
Stay strong!
Well you cant really help the way you feel can ya??
And no I reckon if I was in ur position I'll probably feel upset too. .
Ive had similar things with my dad. He says things and teases me tryna be funny when its just not. . So yeah. . Dont know. . Maybe its just a parent thing init??
Original post by Anonymous
My mum is horrible to me because she says I am "naturally pretty" and she is apparently not, although no one in my family has ever been mean to her and we don't even see what she does. She always calls herself fat and then puts others down and then makes jibes at me for being skinny, even though I have had anorexia aswell as anxiety and depression. I understand feeling insecure but she has been basically verbally abusing me for years, and then acts all sweet and innocent when I get upset, acting like I am manipulative. She also makes fun of anything I like to do and puts on a sulky attitude when I politely decline doing something she suggests because I don't feel comfortable with it (eg horse riding, yoga, going to the spa???) I don't dress very girly either, but she always tries to make me wear flowery dresses and is super controlling over where I go and what I do. Am I wrong to feel hurt and upset?

You need to politely tell her to f*ck off
Lol
Sounds abusive and toxic af. Leave the nest if you can. I wouldn't want to live in that environment.
Reply 6
Original post by physicsamor
Sounds abusive and toxic af. Leave the nest if you can. I wouldn't want to live in that environment.

I can't tell you how much it means to have someone just straight up confirm that to me, people have always said that parents do things 'because they love you' and I shouldn't complain about them. I feel so guilty all the time because its not like she hasn't given me stuff like clothes and food and has bought me luxuries sometimes like video games but I honestly feel sick to my stomach being here, especially with the lockdown, and everything I have said to people to try and make them believe me never works, even a teacher who I thought cared about me just abandoned me after I left school even though I was really distressed people always called my mother when I wasn't alright at school! It was a negative feedback loop like, everytime they called, id go home and get yelled at, so I just stopped talking to people about how I felt. I want to leave but I don't know how I am 19 have never had a job and the only route I have is going to university.
Original post by Anonymous
I can't tell you how much it means to have someone just straight up confirm that to me, people have always said that parents do things 'because they love you' and I shouldn't complain about them. I feel so guilty all the time because its not like she hasn't given me stuff like clothes and food and has bought me luxuries sometimes like video games but I honestly feel sick to my stomach being here, especially with the lockdown, and everything I have said to people to try and make them believe me never works, even a teacher who I thought cared about me just abandoned me after I left school even though I was really distressed people always called my mother when I wasn't alright at school! It was a negative feedback loop like, everytime they called, id go home and get yelled at, so I just stopped talking to people about how I felt. I want to leave but I don't know how I am 19 have never had a job and the only route I have is going to university.

I'm going to share something many professionals have told me. Our stories are similar and different at the same time. It is better to say nothing then to fight with the toxic parent. Smile and agree. Also try to set boundaries but it it backfires smile and agree. Don't think on it ever. This is just a safety coping technique because you aren't able to leave the household and it can really be the most emotionally draining thing. If you can move out for university using maintenance loan do it, you might need to work a bit but sometimes even unis offer jobs. It will be worth it. I regret not moving out, the toll it had on me was indescribable now I am planning to move out now that I've graduated but I spent too many years at home suffering. Uni services also offer counselling for free, take it, put yourself on the waiting list. It will be worth it. None of what you mum is on about is true, she is out of line and her behaviour needs to change. Sad truth is sometimes parents never change. Stay strong.
wow its always been the opposite for me, i get bullied for being ugly. looks like theres disadvantages to both ugly and pretty
Original post by Anonymous
My mum is horrible to me because she says I am "naturally pretty" and she is apparently not, although no one in my family has ever been mean to her and we don't even see what she does. She always calls herself fat and then puts others down and then makes jibes at me for being skinny, even though I have had anorexia aswell as anxiety and depression. I understand feeling insecure but she has been basically verbally abusing me for years, and then acts all sweet and innocent when I get upset, acting like I am manipulative. She also makes fun of anything I like to do and puts on a sulky attitude when I politely decline doing something she suggests because I don't feel comfortable with it (eg horse riding, yoga, going to the spa???) I don't dress very girly either, but she always tries to make me wear flowery dresses and is super controlling over where I go and what I do. Am I wrong to feel hurt and upset?


Original post by Anonymous
wow its always been the opposite for me, i get bullied for being ugly. looks like theres disadvantages to both ugly and pretty

Yeah it was never the looks thing with me. . . My dad did once tell me that he wished he'd had a **** and flushed me down the toilet. . . Instead of me being born. . .
Its just like. . No Dad . . Ur not funny lol. .
Idk parents. . .what can you do 🙄
We got over that 1 though. . Kind of. .
😕🙁
Original post by physicsamor
I'm going to share something many professionals have told me. Our stories are similar and different at the same time. It is better to say nothing then to fight with the toxic parent. Smile and agree. Also try to set boundaries but it it backfires smile and agree. Don't think on it ever. This is just a safety coping technique because you aren't able to leave the household and it can really be the most emotionally draining thing. If you can move out for university using maintenance loan do it, you might need to work a bit but sometimes even unis offer jobs. It will be worth it. I regret not moving out, the toll it had on me was indescribable now I am planning to move out now that I've graduated but I spent too many years at home suffering. Uni services also offer counselling for free, take it, put yourself on the waiting list. It will be worth it. None of what you mum is on about is true, she is out of line and her behaviour needs to change. Sad truth is sometimes parents never change. Stay strong.


Thank you so much, I hope the pain eases for us both soon.
Original post by Anonymous
wow its always been the opposite for me, i get bullied for being ugly. looks like theres disadvantages to both ugly and pretty


I don't think abusive people care if you are ugly are pretty. They just make you feel bad for everything about yourself no matter what is it. I have hated myself completely despite how I am supposedly pretty, people at school have always bullied me for being weird and not fitting in because I find it hard to communicate with people and had breakdowns pretty often. I feel like I was emotionally neglected at home and it's really messed me up. So yeah, looks honestly don't matter, that's just the tin.
Original post by Thisplace
Yeah it was never the looks thing with me. . . My dad did once tell me that he wished he'd had a **** and flushed me down the toilet. . . Instead of me being born. . .
Its just like. . No Dad . . Ur not funny lol. .
Idk parents. . .what can you do 🙄
We got over that 1 though. . Kind of. .
😕🙁

He doesn't sound very nice to you :frown:
Original post by Anonymous
He doesn't sound very nice to you :frown:

Yeah but I had the choice to cry about it or laugh. . I chose to laugh lol. .
You'll probably get to that point too. . Next time ur mum teases you for being pretty. . Just say I know and just laugh. . .see what she does then
Original post by Thisplace
Yeah but I had the choice to cry about it or laugh. . I chose to laugh lol. .
You'll probably get to that point too. . Next time ur mum teases you for being pretty. . Just say I know and just laugh. . .see what she does then

I just don't say anything. I get what you mean though. I used to be like that all the time.
Reply 15
Original post by Anonymous
My mum is horrible to me because she says I am "naturally pretty" and she is apparently not, although no one in my family has ever been mean to her and we don't even see what she does. She always calls herself fat and then puts others down and then makes jibes at me for being skinny, even though I have had anorexia aswell as anxiety and depression. I understand feeling insecure but she has been basically verbally abusing me for years, and then acts all sweet and innocent when I get upset, acting like I am manipulative. She also makes fun of anything I like to do and puts on a sulky attitude when I politely decline doing something she suggests because I don't feel comfortable with it (eg horse riding, yoga, going to the spa???) I don't dress very girly either, but she always tries to make me wear flowery dresses and is super controlling over where I go and what I do. Am I wrong to feel hurt and upset?


i really pray things get better for the both of you. The Lord is with you and you are beautiful the way you are, God Bless you truly
Original post by Anonymous
I just don't say anything. I get what you mean though. I used to be like that all the time.

Haha. . Isnt that the best way ??
Just laugh and walk off
And I mean I was thinkin scissor kick to the face but Idk some people might consider that a bit rude. . .
What do you think ? 🤔🤔🤔
Original post by Thisplace
Haha. . Isnt that the best way ??
Just laugh and walk off
And I mean I was thinkin scissor kick to the face but Idk some people might consider that a bit rude. . .
What do you think ? 🤔🤔🤔

Yeah it is frowned upon.... but we can always imagine it later and get some satisfaction from the mental image :h:
Original post by Thisplace
Yeah it was never the looks thing with me. . . My dad did once tell me that he wished he'd had a **** and flushed me down the toilet. . . Instead of me being born. . .
Its just like. . No Dad . . Ur not funny lol. .
Idk parents. . .what can you do 🙄
We got over that 1 though. . Kind of. .
😕🙁


wow what a d1ck!
Reply 19
Original post by Anonymous
My mum is horrible to me because she says I am "naturally pretty" and she is apparently not, although no one in my family has ever been mean to her and we don't even see what she does. She always calls herself fat and then puts others down and then makes jibes at me for being skinny, even though I have had anorexia aswell as anxiety and depression. I understand feeling insecure but she has been basically verbally abusing me for years, and then acts all sweet and innocent when I get upset, acting like I am manipulative. She also makes fun of anything I like to do and puts on a sulky attitude when I politely decline doing something she suggests because I don't feel comfortable with it (eg horse riding, yoga, going to the spa???) I don't dress very girly either, but she always tries to make me wear flowery dresses and is super controlling over where I go and what I do. Am I wrong to feel hurt and upset?


You are not wrong to feel hurt. Sometimes it's easy to even question whether we've been harmed because the other person causing harm DOESN'T BELIEVE that they are causing harm to us. But belief has nothing to do with how you feel. It sounds like your mum is taking things very far and there's an imbalance of power and is quite clearly being abusive to you from a place of her own insecurities. You have the right to do what you want how you want and she and no one else can tell you otherwise. Maybe I wouls suggest explain to her one last time how you feel, if she doesn't respect that then you don't have to try convince people who are unconvincable so just threaten to leave and then take it from there. Being stuck in a household in these times brings out all our defects and not nice traits but yeah if this has been going on for ages, this is unacceptable :smile:!

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