HELP! my boyfriend is unable to have sex
I've been with my boyfriend for around six months and we've not once had sex. We tried a few times but he couldn't stay hard and nothing happened. He kept saying he would go to the doctors but it took moths of me gently encouraging him for him even to ring up. He's put it off again and I know it is awkward for him but he doesn't seem to realise the longer he puts it off the more difficult it makes for us, I have tried to tactfully say this. Although we are sexually intimate in other ways, I really miss having sex (I would be a lot more sexually active than him. I love him lots and he's a wonderful boyfriend but I don't know what to do about this as it's putting me off him. Please help!
Stay with him. No sex until he is ready.
It’s important for you to talk. You should tell him how important it is to you and he should ask for help if he feels he has a problem. If he doesn’t then it may be that he is not ready. In which case you’ll need to decide if you love him enough to wait. Don’t pressure him. That will make it worse and no one should ever be pressured into sex.
It may be that you have completely different sex drives altogether and then you need to discuss if you have a future
And right now, unless you live together, you should not be having sexual contact at all anyway.
That’s hard for some but take the positives and grow your relationship in other ways
It may be that you have completely different sex drives altogether and then you need to discuss if you have a future
And right now, unless you live together, you should not be having sexual contact at all anyway.
That’s hard for some but take the positives and grow your relationship in other ways
(edited 3 years ago)
That's a year of your romantic life that you will never get back.
Dump him and get a boyfriend that will have good enough sex with you within 10 dates. There are plenty of them about.
Your current boyfriend is sexually incompatible with you. That is an instant deal breaker to your relationship right there.
You've given him more than enough time to become sexually compatible with you. He hasn't. So dump him.
You deserve a boyfriend that treats you right inside the bedroom and outside the bedroom.
Dump him and get a boyfriend that will have good enough sex with you within 10 dates. There are plenty of them about.
Your current boyfriend is sexually incompatible with you. That is an instant deal breaker to your relationship right there.
You've given him more than enough time to become sexually compatible with you. He hasn't. So dump him.
You deserve a boyfriend that treats you right inside the bedroom and outside the bedroom.
Original post by Anonymous
I've been with my boyfriend for around six months and we've not once had sex. We tried a few times but he couldn't stay hard and nothing happened. He kept saying he would go to the doctors but it took moths of me gently encouraging him for him even to ring up. He's put it off again and I know it is awkward for him but he doesn't seem to realise the longer he puts it off the more difficult it makes for us, I have tried to tactfully say this. Although we are sexually intimate in other ways, I really miss having sex (I would be a lot more sexually active than him. I love him lots and he's a wonderful boyfriend but I don't know what to do about this as it's putting me off him. Please help!
Sometimes natural food helps a-lot. Start with pistachios, almonds, and walnuts . Black seed oil helps.. Yey i hate the taste of that oil, fish is great. Only those alone in a month. Pretty sure he will see something positive.
Original post by Dunnig Kruger
That's a year of your romantic life that you will never get back.
Dump him and get a boyfriend that will have good enough sex with you within 10 dates. There are plenty of them about.
Your current boyfriend is sexually incompatible with you. That is an instant deal breaker to your relationship right there.
You've given him more than enough time to become sexually compatible with you. He hasn't. So dump him.
You deserve a boyfriend that treats you right inside the bedroom and outside the bedroom.
Dump him and get a boyfriend that will have good enough sex with you within 10 dates. There are plenty of them about.
Your current boyfriend is sexually incompatible with you. That is an instant deal breaker to your relationship right there.
You've given him more than enough time to become sexually compatible with you. He hasn't. So dump him.
You deserve a boyfriend that treats you right inside the bedroom and outside the bedroom.
Oh shut up.
Original post by Dunnig Kruger
That's a year of your romantic life that you will never get back.
Dump him and get a boyfriend that will have good enough sex with you within 10 dates. There are plenty of them about.
Your current boyfriend is sexually incompatible with you. That is an instant deal breaker to your relationship right there.
You've given him more than enough time to become sexually compatible with you. He hasn't. So dump him.
You deserve a boyfriend that treats you right inside the bedroom and outside the bedroom.
Dump him and get a boyfriend that will have good enough sex with you within 10 dates. There are plenty of them about.
Your current boyfriend is sexually incompatible with you. That is an instant deal breaker to your relationship right there.
You've given him more than enough time to become sexually compatible with you. He hasn't. So dump him.
You deserve a boyfriend that treats you right inside the bedroom and outside the bedroom.
As much as I'd usually agree, things like this aren't easy to come to terms with if it happens to be a medical issue - They can be extremely embarrassing and OP leaving him for it is likely to probably leave long term confidence issues (Not to say that she should feel obliged to stay with him because of it).
OP, I just think you need to be open and talk to him about how much it's affecting you but keep encouraging him to get it checked out.
Original post by fred_nerk
Oh shut up.
Can you give a reasoned argument as to why you disagree with what I said?
Whilst natural food is great, it's not going to resolve the lack of sexual intercourse, nor the rather poor attitude of the boyfriend towards this issue.
Original post by MidgetFever
As much as I'd usually agree, things like this aren't easy to come to terms with if it happens to be a medical issue - They can be extremely embarrassing and OP leaving him for it is likely to probably leave long term confidence issues (Not to say that she should feel obliged to stay with him because of it).
OP, I just think you need to be open and talk to him about how much it's affecting you but keep encouraging him to get it checked out.
OP, I just think you need to be open and talk to him about how much it's affecting you but keep encouraging him to get it checked out.
The OP has already tried speaking to him, as tactfully as she could. It hasn't resolved the issue.
He's had 365 chances to at least try to sort this issue out and he's blown them all. That's not good enough.
The OP should set high (enough) standards in what she is prepared to accept from any boyfriend, including this one.
He has failed to meet these standards - for a year!
There is no reason whatsoever why she should settle for rubbish in the bedroom.
Just as there's no reason why she should settle for rubbish outside the bedroom.
Sticking with him comes from the mindset that good boyfriends are a valuable or a rare commodity.
They are not. They are common enough.
In this thread we should be giving the best advice we can for the Original Poster. For what's the best course of action for her to take.
Advising the OP to stick with her impotent boyfriend might be in her boyfriend's interests - although even then, that's highly debatable.
There is no way on Earth that it's in the OP's best interests to spend another single day in her relationship with her current boyfriend.
Original post by Dunnig Kruger
Can you give a reasoned argument as to why you disagree with what I said?
Whilst natural food is great, it's not going to resolve the lack of sexual intercourse, nor the rather poor attitude of the boyfriend towards this issue.
Whilst natural food is great, it's not going to resolve the lack of sexual intercourse, nor the rather poor attitude of the boyfriend towards this issue.
It's never good to advice someone to leave someone else just because they can't get hard. It kills confidence for a life time.
Original post by fred_nerk
It's never good to advice someone to leave someone else just because they can't get hard. It kills confidence for a life time.
What is this guy doing to help the situation and build his own confidence? From the sounds of it he doesn't want to go to the doctor, and it's ruining their sex life and impacting their relationship. She has communicated this with him and he still refuses to do anything. At what point do you leave him to wallow in despair and move on? It's not helping either of them.
Original post by TigerRoll
What is this guy doing to help the situation and build his own confidence? From the sounds of it he doesn't want to go to the doctor, and it's ruining their sex life and impacting their relationship. She has communicated this with him and he still refuses to do anything. At what point do you leave him to wallow in despair and move on? It's not helping either of them.
I hear you mate. i agree with you 110. However, come up with some other advice or second chances or even a warning advice but not quickie leave.
Original post by Anonymous
I've been with my boyfriend for around six months and we've not once had sex. We tried a few times but he couldn't stay hard and nothing happened. He kept saying he would go to the doctors but it took moths of me gently encouraging him for him even to ring up. He's put it off again and I know it is awkward for him but he doesn't seem to realise the longer he puts it off the more difficult it makes for us, I have tried to tactfully say this. Although we are sexually intimate in other ways, I really miss having sex (I would be a lot more sexually active than him. I love him lots and he's a wonderful boyfriend but I don't know what to do about this as it's putting me off him. Please help!
There could be a lot he is hiding from you, he definitely knows what it is , because erectile dysfunction can also be caused by STIs , I think its best if you do oral sex with him for now and try to communicate with him , to find out what really is the problem
That’s definitely not the nicest thing to say just ‘dump him’. Some people have issues and those types of issues wether medical or mental can be very embarrassing which also can have a nasty effect on mental health and confidence. Have a chat and don’t at all feel bad for asking, if you don’t find it’s working then let the lad down softly. I’ve had the latter and it’s really heartbreaking to hear a half arsed excuse as to why it’s not working
Original post by fred_nerk
I hear you mate. i agree with you 110. However, come up with some other advice or second chances or even a warning advice but not quickie leave.
Read the opening post. He's already been given a second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh, eigth, ninth and tenth chance!
around six months and we've not once had sex
We tried a few times
He kept saying
it took months of me
He's put it off again
I really miss having sex
This is NOT a quickie leave. This is leaving him after giving him lots of chances.
The Sunken Cost Fallacy is a very common mistake that we make as human beings. This is one of those times when the Opening Poster is following the Sunken Cost Fallacy.
I had this problem when I was 20. My anxiety was at its worst at that period of my life, to the point where I'd feel like fainting if I was outside for too long and I'd even feel like I was being choked while I kissed her. I also couldn't stay hard during sex due to nerves or even use my tongue very much because I'd start gagging and having a panic attack as a result - it was that bad. She was also very anxious and as a result I couldn't penetrate her unless we used an artificial lubricant. What helped me a bit was abstaining from masturbation completely for at least a week or two prior to sex. This made me extra sensitive and made me a bit more confident in knowing that I wouldn't lose my erection so quickly. However, my anxiety never went away and that 3-month relationship ended swiftly. 5 years later, I haven't managed to find another woman to date or have sex with but I do feel like I'd be able to perform a bit better now as my anxiety isn't as high as it used to be.
Original post by Anonymous
I've been with my boyfriend for around six months and we've not once had sex. We tried a few times but he couldn't stay hard and nothing happened. He kept saying he would go to the doctors but it took moths of me gently encouraging him for him even to ring up. He's put it off again and I know it is awkward for him but he doesn't seem to realise the longer he puts it off the more difficult it makes for us, I have tried to tactfully say this. Although we are sexually intimate in other ways, I really miss having sex (I would be a lot more sexually active than him. I love him lots and he's a wonderful boyfriend but I don't know what to do about this as it's putting me off him. Please help!
Tell him to stop watching porn and masturbating. Worked for me.
If you don't think he has done that or you don't trust him, buy one of those chastity cage things for his penis so that he can't.
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