Advice? Regards mental health

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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 1 year ago
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I've posted a couple times on here asking for advice about a toxic friend who was possessive, which would make me feel drained and overall things got very negative. After a lot of back and forth, making up and breaking up, I finally managed to cut this friend of almost completely, and I suppose Covid-19 has helped with the fact that I don't have to see this person every day at school.

This 'ex' friend messaged me saying they have bipolar disorder, after some talking I realised this was self diagnosed, but after doing some research I could see some correlations. While we were friends I knew their mental health wasn't always in the best place, and I tried to encourage them to talk to someone who could help, as there was only so much support I could provide, but they never did do that. From talking to them now it seems like they are more open to the idea of getting help. My own feelings are a bit all over the place at the moment, I have several family members who struggle with mental illnesses so I know how it can affect your actions and treatment towards other people. But with this situation, like how much does the potential diagnosis of bipolar 'excuse'/explain their awful treatment, because before I just viewed them as selfish etc but this does put things into a bit more context, but do I rekindle the friendship with this new understanding, I don't really know how to word it, but I don't really know what to do with knowing this, if that makes any sense. Any advice would be appreciated.
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MedicWil
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Report 1 year ago
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Self-diagnosing is never a good idea. There's multiple mental health conditions that are similar to each other, for example Bipolar and Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder (formerly Borderline Personality Disorder) causing them to be misdiagnosed very frequently and people also see what they want to see unfortunately. I'm sorry to say that as soon as their mood changes, if they are correct, they'll stop being open to the idea of getting help and thought processes will change. My personal opinion, especially from you saying about possessiveness is they have EUPD instead.
(Speaking from personal experience from having family members diagnosed with one or the other, my partner diagnosed with EUPD and having been formally diagnosed with Bipolar myself)

With EUPD everything has to revolve around them and be how they want it and if it doesn't then they'll lash out. They can also be highly manipulative and even wear you down to where you think you said one thing and they'll convince you that you said another thing and that they're never at fault. If they don't get help such as counselling etc then it'll carry on being a toxic relationship unfortunately. It may mitigate their actions somewhat but they still have some choice in what they do and say, they are usually highly aware of what they've done.

If they're Bipolar then they're definitely just being selfish and self-centred. They're fully aware of their actions and just don't care.

Either way, just don't allow yourself to be manipulated by them and think about whether you really want to be friends with them and also how that will have an effect on your own mental health.

At the end of the day your own wellbeing and what you want has to take priority over anything.

Sorry if it's a bit of an essay, not always the best at keeping things short lol
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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 1 year ago
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(Original post by MedicWil)
Self-diagnosing is never a good idea. There's multiple mental health conditions that are similar to each other, for example Bipolar and Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder (formerly Borderline Personality Disorder) causing them to be misdiagnosed very frequently and people also see what they want to see unfortunately. I'm sorry to say that as soon as their mood changes, if they are correct, they'll stop being open to the idea of getting help and thought processes will change. My personal opinion, especially from you saying about possessiveness is they have EUPD instead.
(Speaking from personal experience from having family members diagnosed with one or the other, my partner diagnosed with EUPD and having been formally diagnosed with Bipolar myself)

With EUPD everything has to revolve around them and be how they want it and if it doesn't then they'll lash out. They can also be highly manipulative and even wear you down to where you think you said one thing and they'll convince you that you said another thing and that they're never at fault. If they don't get help such as counselling etc then it'll carry on being a toxic relationship unfortunately. It may mitigate their actions somewhat but they still have some choice in what they do and say, they are usually highly aware of what they've done.

If they're Bipolar then they're definitely just being selfish and self-centred. They're fully aware of their actions and just don't care.

Either way, just don't allow yourself to be manipulated by them and think about whether you really want to be friends with them and also how that will have an effect on your own mental health.

At the end of the day your own wellbeing and what you want has to take priority over anything.

Sorry if it's a bit of an essay, not always the best at keeping things short lol
Haha twas a very useful essay, thank you!

EUPD does seem to fit the more I think about it, as things were always very focused around her wants, and there would be a big fuss if it was otherwise, and the blame would always be twisted onto other people. 'the thing I struggled to get my head around, as this friend would repeatedly do the same things over and over, any advice going in one ear and out the other, with no change at all in their actions, so when I heard that there could be a mental health condition involved, I thought that might explain some of it, but your point that they still have some choice is very true.


I will tread carefully with it, I reckon the only way I could be open to being friends if their mindset has shifted otherwise I'll be polite, but distant.
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