Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 7 months ago
#1
So I had a ****ing awful relationship. I got hurt so much and now I'm depressed. I never understood why he was doing what he did and he never gave me any explanation so I was still asking him why and how he felt etc. I have to know this in order to get over it, I have to know how and why someone can hurt someone so much, when they said they wanted to be with me forever and loved me and all that crap.

He always chops and changes his story about everything and when he did and didn't love me. So even in April he was saying he loved me after saying he didn't love me and there were multiple times he said it (even tho I kept saying for months u don't love me)

I asked him when he became fake to me in person. He said from August (the relationship was june 2019 to april this year) that he 'wanted to love me' so he had to force himself henceforth. He said oh I wanted to love you I wanted to make it work. Did he ever tell me any of this? No he never told me how he was feeling! How could he go on that long pretending to love me and go out with me all that time and spout **** about how I'm important to him and cuddle with me and have sleepovers and look all happy? At the time I kept questioning him and said how I felt.

Then he said oh I felt love at points. Like love is not a ****ing tap you turn on and off, you love someone and you love them and cant help loving them cos first off it is a feeling, then it's a choice.

He said my faults were that I'm too perfect and that I'm too analytical and see people's faults and see through things too fast. Well sorry I saw through your **** ********.

So when I try and dig further what comes up hurts me even more but I just don't know what to do. He has literally no remorse for what he did. and still says oh I want to love you? wtf!

can someone help 😭
0
reply
Dunnig Kruger
Badges: 14
Rep:
?
#2
Report 7 months ago
#2
Everyone lies.

Some people lie more than others.

Everyone keeps secrets. Some keep more secrets or bigger secrets than others.

Everyone is largely focused on themselves and their own pleasure and their own interests.

These are all just human nature. Your boyfriend was very much a human being. A fairly typical human being. He wasn't an angel. You may have built him up in your imagination for him to be some sort of angel. And to a large extent he went along with this imaginary view you had of him by him putting on his best behaviour and then lying to you and keeping secrets from you, because they were in his best interests at the time (or so he thought). But he wasn't an angel. He was just a human being.

It is also very human for two people to put on their best behaviour during the getting to know each other phase and the honeymoon phase. The honeymoon phase normally lasts 6 months to a year. After that people tend to notice all the bad points about their partners whilst taking the good points for granted. It's at this stage that many relationships fall apart or become unhappy.

A few relationships survive and move onto a different level after the honeymoon phase, where the love is less intense or less infatuation based, but is deeper and stronger. Yours wasn't one of them. Don't beat yourself up over this. You're fine. You did nothing (majorly) wrong. The relationship you've just had was just a part of your apprenticeship in love and relationships.

There's a huge amount of social conditioning that has led to you feeling depressed.
Look at 60% of pop songs. The lyrics are along the lines of "I'm so hurt... now I'm without you."
Look at Hollywood films and TV programs and romance novels. How do the characters behave when their relationships end?
How did friends or relatives behave when they broke up with someone?

That's the social conditioning.

But thinking logically, there is no reason at all why you should feel depressed now. None at all. Nada. Zip.
Give yourself the green light to feel hugely relieved. To feel free! To feel grateful that you've had this learning experience.
Put that amazingly analytical biological computer of yours to work. Get it to focus on all the upsides of your situation.

You are young. You are in good health. You are attractive. You have an amazing brain. You are free and single and available to meet men with a view to finding out if they'd be a good enough boyfriend for you and vice versa.
0
reply
Kerzen
Badges: 17
Rep:
?
#3
Report 7 months ago
#3
It's very rare for time dwelling on why a relationship didn't flourish to actually be of any long term benefit. Sometimes, when someone's behaviour, violence or a problem with alcohol, for instance, has been a major factor, it helps for that person to recognise that being violent or alcoholic held back their relationship, of course.

To be honest, he sounds immature and manipulative.

You should leave him behind and create a new future for yourself. Forge ahead with your studies, sports and hobbies and so on. Expand your circle of friends.

In ten years' time, you will hardly remember anything about him.
1
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Back
to top
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

Do you have the space and resources you need to succeed in home learning?

Yes I have everything I need (252)
57.01%
I don't have everything I need (190)
42.99%

Watched Threads

View All
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise