Anonymous #1
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I'm 18 and everyone I know says they want kids in the future, but I honestly don't know if I do or not. It's a really big commitment and I feel guilty that I don't like the idea of having a child but on the other hand, I find some kids really cute. Do people change their mind about not wanting kids in the future? I'm obviously not going to have a child now, but I feel like there's something wrong with me for not liking kids. I have so many goals for the future but I can't say if having kids will be one of them.
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Anonymous #2
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There's nothing wrong with it at all. I spent a lot of years not thinking about kids and just begrudgingly assuming I had to have them because that's just "what you did".
Then one day I realised I didn't HAVE to have kids at all and I felt like a huge weight had been lifted. I had honestly spent a lot of time trying to work out how I should fit kids into my life and was generally down about it. I don't know why I never realised earlier I could just decide to not have them.
Its been about 5 years since I decided I didn't want them and I've not changed my mind.
I'm not maternal and I don't go all doe eyed over babies or kids or anything like that.
I've heard all of the "you'll change your mind" and "who's going to look after you when you get old" and "you're selfish" and all that but it hasn't altered my decision at all.

You may change your mind or you may not. But don't ever just have kids just because you think you should. If you don't want to, don't, it is your choice and no one else's.
Its good your thinking about how much of a commitment it is and stuff because it shows maturity.
There's plenty other ways to have kids in your life without having to have them of your own. Friends' kids, volunteering with kids, fostering, working with them. All kinds.
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username5302862
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#3
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You're still very young, you'll change your mind when you get older
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AM.TSR
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Nothing wrong in that at all.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by safiemona)
You're still very young, you'll change your mind when you get older
Not everyone decides to have kids though so she might not change her mind.
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Tired24770
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Nope, completely normal, not everyone wants children, and some people don't change their minds later on, it's completely fine
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username5302862
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Not everyone decides to have kids though so she might not change her mind.
Yes she might not but chances are he/she will and its far too early to even be thinking about children at this age, unless he's/she's planning on getting married early
Ideas, thoughts, perceptions all these change with experience as life goes on
Your's might too, maybe not even have your own child but something might cause you to adopt a child
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by safiemona)
Yes she might not but chances are he/she will and its far too early to even be thinking about children at this age, unless he's/she's planning on getting married early
Ideas, thoughts, perceptions all these change with experience as life goes on
Your's might too, maybe not even have your own child but something might cause you to adopt a child
I don't think it's too early to be thinking about whether you want kids or not. It's not like the op is deciding to have them now, but to put some thought into it, instead of just getting pregnant without any thought (which some people really do) is very mature.
Mine is not going to change as I know my own mind and I've never ever wanted kids or been maternal and I wouldn't be in a situation to adopt a child either.
No one ever says "you might change your mind" to people who do want kids do they? So why do they do it for the ones who don't?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
There's nothing wrong with it at all. I spent a lot of years not thinking about kids and just begrudgingly assuming I had to have them because that's just "what you did".
Then one day I realised I didn't HAVE to have kids at all and I felt like a huge weight had been lifted. I had honestly spent a lot of time trying to work out how I should fit kids into my life and was generally down about it. I don't know why I never realised earlier I could just decide to not have them.
Its been about 5 years since I decided I didn't want them and I've not changed my mind.
I'm not maternal and I don't go all doe eyed over babies or kids or anything like that.
I've heard all of the "you'll change your mind" and "who's going to look after you when you get old" and "you're selfish" and all that but it hasn't altered my decision at all.

You may change your mind or you may not. But don't ever just have kids just because you think you should. If you don't want to, don't, it is your choice and no one else's.
Its good your thinking about how much of a commitment it is and stuff because it shows maturity.
There's plenty other ways to have kids in your life without having to have them of your own. Friends' kids, volunteering with kids, fostering, working with them. All kinds.
Thanks that's really comforting to hear. I've just never really been sure about it and I don't want to have a kid in the near future because I feel pressured by society into having one. I think some kids are really cute and in a way I can see myself having a child in the future but then again I see kids in the supermarkets throwing tantrums and it just stresses me out! I guess part of it is that my parents divorced when I was 4 and my mum was a single parent.. I can't imagine how hard that was for her and I'm scared of it happening to me in a way.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Tired24770)
Nope, completely normal, not everyone wants children, and some people don't change their minds later on, it's completely fine
Thanks, that's comforting to hear!
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by safiemona)
Yes she might not but chances are he/she will and its far too early to even be thinking about children at this age, unless he's/she's planning on getting married early
Ideas, thoughts, perceptions all these change with experience as life goes on
Your's might too, maybe not even have your own child but something might cause you to adopt a child
I understand I'm only asking because I hear a lot of people saying how they live children and I feel like the odd one out for not feeling that same connection yet. I'm in no way planning to have kids right now! I'm far too young
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I don't think it's too early to be thinking about whether you want kids or not. It's not like the op is deciding to have them now, but to put some thought into it, instead of just getting pregnant without any thought (which some people really do) is very mature.
Mine is not going to change as I know my own mind and I've never ever wanted kids or been maternal and I wouldn't be in a situation to adopt a child either.
No one ever says "you might change your mind" to people who do want kids do they? So why do they do it for the ones who don't?
I agree. A lot of people these days put barely any thought about the sacrifices you make to have children. It's not fair on the children to suffer and I see so many bad parents who neglect their children it's just so sad to even think about it. I'm not planning on anything, I just feel like the odd one out in a way because everyone I know wants kids, and there I feel like it's a social pressure to have children, otherwise you are deemed selfish
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imaniii
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I feel the same way 😭
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by imaniii)
I feel the same way 😭
Thank god!
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imaniii
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thank god!
🤣🤣🤣
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username5302862
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I don't think it's too early to be thinking about whether you want kids or not. It's not like the op is deciding to have them now, but to put some thought into it, instead of just getting pregnant without any thought (which some people really do) is very mature.
Mine is not going to change as I know my own mind and I've never ever wanted kids or been maternal and I wouldn't be in a situation to adopt a child either.
No one ever says "you might change your mind" to people who do want kids do they? So why do they do it for the ones who don't?
Well you're entitled to your opinion, but I do think it's too early and it's better to put the energy on studies or other things. Unless she's thinking of having sex which could lead to pregnancy then there isn't much point to think about it.
You say you know your mind and your perspective won't change? That's what your thinking right now, but like I said as you experience more things in life and gain more knowledge you could change your mind down the road. You've never wanted kids or been maternal, but that has no bearing on what you could want in the future. People have had life experiences that change their mind on certain topics, it could happen to me and it could happen to you too. Right now I know that I want kids but somewhere in the future perhaps something would make me not want kids and change my mind, depending on what experiences I have.
What makes you say you won't be in a situation to adopt a child in the future, you can't even guarantee that you'll be alive tomorrow, you have no idea you would go through later on in life.
And yes people don't say "you might change your mind" to people who want kids because it's human nature to want kids, it's what people are used to but in no way does that mean that this same person that wanted kids might not want kids in the future.
Ideas, thoughts, perspective it all changes as we experience more stuff in life, and this single fact is what allows us to grow and become better.
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CoolCavy
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(Original post by safiemona)
You're still very young, you'll change your mind when you get older
Everyone says that to anyone who is young and expresses an opinion that they don't want children, i've been told that my entire life despite the fact i am infertile. Plenty of people dont want children and realise that young, OP may decide to have them - either choice is fine but people do not know other people better than themselves.
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username5302862
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#18
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I understand I'm only asking because I hear a lot of people saying how they live children and I feel like the odd one out for not feeling that same connection yet. I'm in no way planning to have kids right now! I'm far too young
Yh I feel you, who knows you might grow to love children in the future and find them to be very close to you.
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username5302862
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(Original post by CoolCavy)
Everyone says that to anyone who is young and expresses an opinion that they don't want children, i've been told that my entire life despite the fact i am infertile. Plenty of people dont want children and realise that young, OP may decide to have them - either choice is fine but people do not know other people better than themselves.
Fair enough, I suppose its not wrong to explore these topics at this age, but at 18 you haven't experienced much of life to be able to make a firm decision and it could change as you said.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by safiemona)
Well you're entitled to your opinion, but I do think it's too early and it's better to put the energy on studies or other things. Unless she's thinking of having sex which could lead to pregnancy then there isn't much point to think about it.
You say you know your mind and your perspective won't change? That's what your thinking right now, but like I said as you experience more things in life and gain more knowledge you could change your mind down the road. You've never wanted kids or been maternal, but that has no bearing on what you could want in the future. People have had life experiences that change their mind on certain topics, it could happen to me and it could happen to you too. Right now I know that I want kids but somewhere in the future perhaps something would make me not want kids and change my mind, depending on what experiences I have.
What makes you say you won't be in a situation to adopt a child in the future, you can't even guarantee that you'll be alive tomorrow, you have no idea you would go through later on in life.
And yes people don't say "you might change your mind" to people who want kids because it's human nature to want kids, it's what people are used to but in no way does that mean that this same person that wanted kids might not want kids in the future.
Ideas, thoughts, perspective it all changes as we experience more stuff in life, and this single fact is what allows us to grow and become better.
It doesn't really require that much energy just to think on that kind of thing and you can do it laying in bed on a night or a morning or during down time. It doesn't mean you're not putting energy into studies and it can sometimes help people. I felt a lot better mentally and felt I had a ton more options when I finally decided I didn't want kids, I wish I had decided it a lot earlier in life. Of course life doesn't always work out as planned but it is definitely wise to have some kind of lose idea of what you want from it.

I know what you're trying to say but I'm not going to change my mind on it, no matter what life will bring to me. There's no example I can think of that would change my mind and not being maternal has a huge impact on whether you want kids or not. I'm not emotional or particularly affectionate with people, let alone kids and I have young kids in my life and was present for the birth of nieces and nephews and never once felt even a smidgen of broodiness whatsoever.
Im also not that young either, I'm just over 30 so I've got a lot of life experience already.
I can't guarantee that I'll be alive tomorrow as that is not something I have control of but I do have control over whether I will have kids or not and I won't be doing that.
I don't have any desire at all to dedicate my life to raising a child and the thought of everything to do with it repels me no end, adopting is more or less the same in my eyes and often can be harder work if the child has had a bad upbringing or is hard to handle.
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