rf266
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#1
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#1
so im in y9, and we obviously do a mixture of creative and analysing essays. we are touching upon the poetry anthology for edexcel. we have an assessment coming up, about analysing a poem.
something i always struggle with is using the most sophisticated vocab posssible -like my analysis is extremely deep and i get high grades, but an improvement from teachers has ALWAYS been to improve word choice and use sophisticated, ambitious vocabulary, instead of 'this implies', or 'this highlights' or 'this emphasises'....

i have found out its on war photographer so attached my classwork analysis on it - its below in the replies
thanks sm
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username3864568
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Hey I’m a year 12 student and in gcse I got a 8 in Lang and a 7 in lit.Poetry can be hard but the teacher is right by using vocab that’s sophisticated it bring the flow of ur essay to be more natural and ensure you can hit top marks.Many essays I’ve read personally have fallen down on basic grammar or phrasing the sentence in a way that doesn’t make sense.Furthermore,a lot and I mean a lot of people love to repeat the words ‘this shows this ‘ and ‘that man’s that’ but there are many various phrases to use that make you stand out like connotes,implies,further emphasizes and more can be found by just searching up synonyms.

Hope that helps and if you have anything else to ask feel free to do so
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Reality Check
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(Original post by rf266)
so im in y9, and we obviously do a mixture of creative and analysing essays. we are touching upon the poetry anthology for edexel. we have an assessment coming up, about analysing a poem.
something i always struggle with is using the most sophisticated vocab posssible -like my analysis is extremely deep and i get high grades, but an improvement from teachers has ALWAYS been to improve word choice and use sophisticated, ambitious vocabulary, instead of 'this implies', or 'this highlights' or 'this emphasises'....

thanks sm
I think you need to be very careful not to use 'big words' just for the sake of using big words. A wide vocabulary obviously means you can express yourself better and with more nuance and greater meaning, but be very careful of using a big word when a smaller one will do. This actually impedes communication and makes your writing opaque and off-putting.

Always proof-read your work and remove polysyllabic, 'big' words and replace them with shorter ones wherever possible. Anglo Saxon>Lain/French. Save the big words for when they actually do something extra that a shorter one can't.
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rf266
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#4
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(Original post by Reality Check)
I think you need to be very careful not to use 'big words' just for the sake of using big words. A wide vocabulary obviously means you can express yourself better and with more nuance and greater meaning, but be very careful of using a big word when a smaller one will do. This actually impedes communication and makes your writing opaque and off-putting.

Always proof-read your work and remove polysyllabic, 'big' words and replace them with shorter ones wherever possible. Anglo Saxon>Lain/French. Save the big words for when they actually do something extra that a shorter one can't.
thats actually true...i agree... thank you
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rf266
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(Original post by Summerset1276)
Hey I’m a year 12 student and in gcse I got a 8 in Lang and a 7 in lit.Poetry can be hard but the teacher is right by using vocab that’s sophisticated it bring the flow of ur essay to be more natural and ensure you can hit top marks.Many essays I’ve read personally have fallen down on basic grammar or phrasing the sentence in a way that doesn’t make sense.Furthermore,a lot and I mean a lot of people love to repeat the words ‘this shows this ‘ and ‘that man’s that’ but there are many various phrases to use that make you stand out like connotes,implies,further emphasizes and more can be found by just searching up synonyms.

Hope that helps and if you have anything else to ask feel free to do so
ahh right yes, because yeah, at the end of the day you need to seem like you've thoroughly comprehended the piece, and seem credible. thank you
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Quick-use
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#6
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(Original post by rf266)
so im in y9, and we obviously do a mixture of creative and analysing essays. we are touching upon the poetry anthology for edexcel. we have an assessment coming up, about analysing a poem.
something i always struggle with is using the most sophisticated vocab posssible -like my analysis is extremely deep and i get high grades, but an improvement from teachers has ALWAYS been to improve word choice and use sophisticated, ambitious vocabulary, instead of 'this implies', or 'this highlights' or 'this emphasises'....

thanks sm
Why don't you post a paragraph or two of some of your analysis? We can look at improving them.
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rf266
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(Original post by Quick-use)
Why don't you post a paragraph or two of some of your analysis? We can look at improving them.
yes sure: please ignore '(below)' as that was something else, this is my classwork on war photographer
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rf266
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#8
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(Original post by rf266)
yes sure: please ignore '(below)' as that was something else, this is my classwork on war photographer
please let me know on how i could improve this
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jamesg2
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Rf266,
Although you do not provide the full essay, it is clear you have a detailed understanding of the poem “War Photographer.” Although commendable - to repeat an old proverb in your essay we are staring at the trees and cannot see the wood.

Put another way, the reader does not know what you think about the poem. What you admire and why the ideas in Duffy’s poem move you. All we get is a listing of analytical points. Commendable though that is, it is also a failing.

A suggestion, before you begin your essay is to jot down three or four points YOU want to talk about. They become your paragraph/sections. These points are the main ideas you have about the question set on the text. They are your answer to the question set.

It is a little while since I studied the GCSE marking scheme. However I do remember that paragraphing is an important and expected skill in any writing and it is absent in your essay.

In summary it is clear you have knowledge of the text, what I see to be missing is your response to the text. As I said earlier I have no idea what you think of the text. That is a critical point that any examiner will look for in any essay. All examiners will mark down any essay where they do not see the writers response to the text and question.
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rf266
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#10
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(Original post by jamesg2)
Rf266,
Although you do not provide the full essay, it is clear you have a detailed understanding of the poem “War Photographer.” Although commendable - to repeat an old proverb in your essay we are staring at the trees and cannot see the wood.

Put another way, the reader does not know what you think about the poem. What you admire and why the ideas in Duffy’s poem move you. All we get is a listing of analytical points. Commendable though that is, it is also a failing.

A suggestion, before you begin your essay is to jot down three or four points YOU want to talk about. They become your paragraph/sections. These points are the main ideas you have about the question set on the text. They are your answer to the question set.

It is a little while since I studied the GCSE marking scheme. However I do remember that paragraphing is an important and expected skill in any writing and it is absent in your essay.

In summary it is clear you have knowledge of the text, what I see to be missing is your response to the text. As I said earlier I have no idea what you think of the text. That is a critical point that any examiner will look for in any essay. All examiners will mark down any essay where they do not see the writers response to the text and question.
ah okay makes sense. in y7/8 we are taught petals paragraph and i guess its a time to move away from that now....i have tried to change it about where i dont say 'one piece of evidence for this point is .....' i just dive straight in with embedded quotations.

anyways, do you have any sentence starters for this suggestion, we are being graded by the ks3 levels system since we are still in y9, where level 8a is the highest
this is the criteria:
can produce clear and detailed analysis of how writers
use language and structure to achieve effects/ create
meaning for readers, making some evaluative comments

I can use fully relevant and sometimes perceptive
evidence that reflect the beginnings of a personal
engagement.

much appreciated
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rf266
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#11
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#11
(Original post by rf266)
ah okay makes sense. in y7/8 we are taught petals paragraph and i guess its a time to move away from that now....i have tried to change it about where i dont say 'one piece of evidence for this point is .....' i just dive straight in with embedded quotations.

anyways, do you have any sentence starters for this suggestion, we are being graded by the ks3 levels system since we are still in y9, where level 8a is the highest
this is the criteria:
can produce clear and detailed analysis of how writers
use language and structure to achieve effects/ create
meaning for readers, making some evaluative comments

I can use fully relevant and sometimes perceptive
evidence that reflect the beginnings of a personal
engagement.

much appreciated
like how exactly would i phrase it?
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emma543
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#12
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#12
(Original post by rf266)
so im in y9, and we obviously do a mixture of creative and analysing essays. we are touching upon the poetry anthology for edexcel. we have an assessment coming up, about analysing a poem.
something i always struggle with is using the most sophisticated vocab posssible -like my analysis is extremely deep and i get high grades, but an improvement from teachers has ALWAYS been to improve word choice and use sophisticated, ambitious vocabulary, instead of 'this implies', or 'this highlights' or 'this emphasises'....

i have found out its on war photographer so attached my classwork analysis on it - its below in the replies
thanks sm
Hi!!! I got a 8 in GCSE Eng Lang and a 9 in GCSE Eng Lit and it took a lot of time for me to understand how to go about answering questions. Your in year 9 at moment so I wouldn't worry a great deal- it all sort of clicked into place for me in year 11 on how to get high grades.

If your teacher is saying improve word choice then firstly look at terminology...
Noun -> Concrete noun, abstract noun, count noun etc
Verb -> Dynamic verb, stative verb, transitive verb, intransitive verb, modal verb, modal auxiliary verb
Adjective -> Predicative/post-modifying adjective, attributive/pre-modifying
Determiner -> Possessive, cardinal, demonstrative
Pronouns -> third person pronoun plural/singular, second person pronoun plural/singular, first person pronoun plural/singular, possessive pronoun, reflexive pronoun

(I gained quite a few of these at A-Level but the main ones I used at GCSE were concrete noun, abstract noun, pre-modifying, post-modifying adjective, modal verb, dynamic verb and stative verb)

Instead of 'As well' or 'So'
Therefore, consequently, as a result, thus, furthermore, moreover, henceforth etc

Instead of 'this means'
denotes, connotes, emphasises, reinforces, enhances, evokes, suggests, conveys etc

Other general tips:
1) Don't throw your AO3 in at the end of your paragraph
2) Consider dual-meanings
3) Embed your quotes- do not say for example, in the quote... instead try and say in the darkroom the photographs were set out in 'ordered rows'
4) Include analysis and structure in your essay.
5) If there is a general language technique, analyse deeper... 'spools of suffering' sibilance sounds like hissing- so evil etc- then go concrete noun 'spool', preposition 'of' and abstract noun 'suffering'- what do each of these words mean.


Hope this helps!
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rf266
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#13
(Original post by emma543)
Hi!!! I got a 8 in GCSE Eng Lang and a 9 in GCSE Eng Lit and it took a lot of time for me to understand how to go about answering questions. Your in year 9 at moment so I wouldn't worry a great deal- it all sort of clicked into place for me in year 11 on how to get high grades.

If your teacher is saying improve word choice then firstly look at terminology...
Noun -> Concrete noun, abstract noun, count noun etc
Verb -> Dynamic verb, stative verb, transitive verb, intransitive verb, modal verb, modal auxiliary verb
Adjective -> Predicative/post-modifying adjective, attributive/pre-modifying
Determiner -> Possessive, cardinal, demonstrative
Pronouns -> third person pronoun plural/singular, second person pronoun plural/singular, first person pronoun plural/singular, possessive pronoun, reflexive pronoun

(I gained quite a few of these at A-Level but the main ones I used at GCSE were concrete noun, abstract noun, pre-modifying, post-modifying adjective, modal verb, dynamic verb and stative verb)

Instead of 'As well' or 'So'
Therefore, consequently, as a result, thus, furthermore, moreover, henceforth etc

Instead of 'this means'
denotes, connotes, emphasises, reinforces, enhances, evokes, suggests, conveys etc

Other general tips:
1) Don't throw your AO3 in at the end of your paragraph
2) Consider dual-meanings
3) Embed your quotes- do not say for example, in the quote... instead try and say in the darkroom the photographs were set out in 'ordered rows'
4) Include analysis and structure in your essay.
5) If there is a general language technique, analyse deeper... 'spools of suffering' sibilance sounds like hissing- so evil etc- then go concrete noun 'spool', preposition 'of' and abstract noun 'suffering'- what do each of these words mean.


Hope this helps!
ahh right...thank you very much, i understand, and i like these suggestions! :-D
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han1050
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I know that most of these points have been said but I just wanted to share my two cents. I am
/was in Year 11 and wasn’t able to do my exams, nevertheless I did get an 8 in Lit and a 7 in Lang for my mocks.

Some words instead of shows: connotes, symbolises, delineates, outlines, identifies, showcases

Some sentence starters I used instead of ‘Also’ were: focusing elsewhere, further to this and this one isn’t exactly synonymous but can be most of the time, in concordance to this.

For sentence starters where you want to say ‘if that wasn’t enough reason to believe, here’s this’: To further solidify, to further amplify, to further heighten.

For sentence starters typically used to introduce a point: It is easy to assume, it is easy to argue, it is just to assume, it is just to argue, I am able to identify/detect.

Also, using words such as perhaps or possibly is exceptionally important. For example, ‘Dickens intentionally crafts Scrooge as an outsider to society perhaps to delineate xyz’. Using perhaps and possibly shows that you are capable of considering multiple viewpoints.
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rf266
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#15
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#15
(Original post by batu.ortucu)
I know that most of these points have been said but I just wanted to share my two cents. I am
/was in Year 11 and wasn’t able to do my exams, nevertheless I did get an 8 in Lit and a 7 in Lang for my mocks.

Some words instead of shows: connotes, symbolises, delineates, outlines, identifies, showcases

Some sentence starters I used instead of ‘Also’ were: focusing elsewhere, further to this and this one isn’t exactly synonymous but can be most of the time, in concordance to this.

For sentence starters where you want to say ‘if that wasn’t enough reason to believe, here’s this’: To further solidify, to further amplify, to further heighten.

For sentence starters typically used to introduce a point: It is easy to assume, it is easy to argue, it is just to assume, it is just to argue, I am able to identify/detect.

Also, using words such as perhaps or possibly is exceptionally important. For example, ‘Dickens intentionally crafts Scrooge as an outsider to society perhaps to delineate xyz’. Using perhaps and possibly shows that you are capable of considering multiple viewpoints.
ooh yes, now that multiple people are suggesting this, i understand how important this can be to improve your writing, thanks for the ideas!
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Hyperbolit
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#16
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#16
(Original post by rf266)
so im in y9, and we obviously do a mixture of creative and analysing essays. we are touching upon the poetry anthology for edexcel. we have an assessment coming up, about analysing a poem.
something i always struggle with is using the most sophisticated vocab posssible -like my analysis is extremely deep and i get high grades, but an improvement from teachers has ALWAYS been to improve word choice and use sophisticated, ambitious vocabulary, instead of 'this implies', or 'this highlights' or 'this emphasises'....

i have found out its on war photographer so attached my classwork analysis on it - its below in the replies
thanks sm
Hi there, I teach and write literary analysis on the regular, so will chip in with my two cents here. I don't think the point of writing good analysis is "using the most sophisticated vocabulary possible" - it's about the depth of your ideas and engagement with a poem (or any other literary work). Of course, try not to repeat the same verb too many times (i.e. using "this shows/implies..." in every other sentence), but your focus should be on how specific stylistic and/or formal devices are deployed to achieve an emotional impact or convey a thematic message. Here's a sample analysis on 'War Photographer' (vis-a-vis another war poem - Wilfred Owen's 'Insensibility') - see if it helps: https://hyperbolit.com/2020/05/13/lo...rol-ann-duffy/
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Claydo66
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This may sound like some weak advice but as long as you use your initiative while doing it should work out okay. Trust me when I say it helped me reach a grade 8 in lit and 7 in lang.
Before mocks (we would be aware of the topic on the test) I would create a word bank. So for example, take the story of jekyll and hyde. I knew the general themes and everything already but was having trouble being ambitious with language and not repeating myself. I would take the word I want to improve for example “horrifying” and then google horrifying synonyms. I then go through the google thesaurus page until I found some appropriate alternatives that would make my work sound more sophisticated. Obviously you want to be careful you aren’t choosing words that sound kinda odd so use your common sense a bit.
I then created another word bank of alternatives to “this emphasises” etc and made another revision card. I also used a cgp revision guide and jotted down a few of their notes onto cards (anything unique to what the teacher had taught) and even tried to construct a couple of strong sophisticated sentences which I memorised.
Obviously when it comes to the real gcse your poem is unknown however I also found I could get a strong grade on the poetry portion because the language I had memorised from my word banks was interchangeable for the most part. If general themes are there then you can use similar language.
Don’t be confined to your PEE paragraphs teachers usually introduce in year 7 and for some reason stick to that format all the way until year 11. Unless you break away you’re not getting higher than a 6
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rf266
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#18
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#18
(Original post by Claydo66)
This may sound like some weak advice but as long as you use your initiative while doing it should work out okay. Trust me when I say it helped me reach a grade 8 in lit and 7 in lang.
Before mocks (we would be aware of the topic on the test) I would create a word bank. So for example, take the story of jekyll and hyde. I knew the general themes and everything already but was having trouble being ambitious with language and not repeating myself. I would take the word I want to improve for example “horrifying” and then google horrifying synonyms. I then go through the google thesaurus page until I found some appropriate alternatives that would make my work sound more sophisticated. Obviously you want to be careful you aren’t choosing words that sound kinda odd so use your common sense a bit.
I then created another word bank of alternatives to “this emphasises” etc and made another revision card. I also used a cgp revision guide and jotted down a few of their notes onto cards (anything unique to what the teacher had taught) and even tried to construct a couple of strong sophisticated sentences which I memorised.
Obviously when it comes to the real gcse your poem is unknown however I also found I could get a strong grade on the poetry portion because the language I had memorised from my word banks was interchangeable for the most part. If general themes are there then you can use similar language.
Don’t be confined to your PEE paragraphs teachers usually introduce in year 7 and for some reason stick to that format all the way until year 11. Unless you break away you’re not getting higher than a 6
nono, thats great, yeah exactly, i actually made a word bank based on everyone's suggestions for my remote end of topic test, which obviously i did at home, and yeah, PEE is probably just to get people 'in' to analysis, then I guess you should start experimenting with the structure and adapt it to your needs, thank you
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rf266
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#19
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#19
(Original post by Hyperbolit)
Hi there, I teach and write literary analysis on the regular, so will chip in with my two cents here. I don't think the point of writing good analysis is "using the most sophisticated vocabulary possible" - it's about the depth of your ideas and engagement with a poem (or any other literary work). Of course, try not to repeat the same verb too many times (i.e. using "this shows/implies..." in every other sentence), but your focus should be on how specific stylistic and/or formal devices are deployed to achieve an emotional impact or convey a thematic message. Here's a sample analysis on 'War Photographer' (vis-a-vis another war poem - Wilfred Owen's 'Insensibility') - see if it helps: https://hyperbolit.com/2020/05/13/lo...rol-ann-duffy/
ahh yes, i agree, i went to the website too and that gave me great ideas for the future - thank you :-D
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