Keep anon or delete- don't want bullies recognising my sister and this is a REALLY long post- sorry .
Basically this is one long rant about the situation my sister is in.
Last september one of my sisters 'friends' (who knows me and uses tsr hence the need for anon.) started to be a total ***** to my sister. I am pretty sure this is because a) my sister came top in the year for GSCE's (she did amazingly and this girl was jealous- she'd always considered my sister nothing special compared to her academically so was angry at being beaten.
b) my sister started going out with a really nice boy who this 'friend' had her eye on.
Anyway she became really cold and cruel and, mostly, as a result my sister developed anorexia (I know this is not the sole case and other factors contributed to her low self esteem not to mention the fact that there is a strong pattern of anorexia in my family- my mum, aunt, great aunt, and two sisters have (/had) it -although when my sister got ill we only knew about my mum/ cousin).
This girls nastiness destroyed my sister (her illness almost killed her a few moths ago) and has led to her, her mum (friends with my mum) and her sister (friends with me) basically not speaking to us at all. This really hurt/ angered me as I feel I have been a very loyal and supportive friend to the sister, and my sister was in no way in the wrong (my friend admitted this)- they just can't 'deal' with it cos they have too many 'issues'. We didn't turn our backs on them despite their so called 'issues' (indeed I spent months councilling my friend- her issues really pale into insignificance compared with what I have expereienced).
ANyway my sister was admitted to a specialist eating disorders unit where initially she got much, much worse. She has now slowly clawed her way back to health but the doctors won't let her home despite the fact that she is over 16 and well enough to be discharged- FACT.
This has really worried me as my sister needs to get back to school- she says if she can't be back with her friends she will drop out and this would be such a huge waste of her enormous potential. The thought of bullies costing her her future makes me physically sick (esp as the bully is in a very strong position to fulfill my sisters dreams for the future with regards to uni etc).
And tonight my sisters doctor organised a meeting in which she got all the other girls in the unit (one of whom has also been bullying my sister) to explain why they didn't like her- apparently because she is too quiet. My sister has always been painfully shy and being 200 miles from home, in a hell hole full of *****es, whilst seriously (almost fatally) ill is hardly going to make her better.
I am livid almost to the point of tears that the doctor allowed this meeting to upset my sister too much- its like they are trying to force her off her recovery path so they don't have to discharge her (they are fighting v hard to keep her in despite being told legally/ medically they have no reason to- e.g. they said she is a risk of organ failure- a risk which independent doctors appointed by the local authorities have said simply does not exist). I just am so ao angry about all of this and if anyone has been in a similar situation/ can offer advice please do.
P.s. Please please keep anon/ delete- this girl/ anyone else who knows us cannot recognise me for my sisters sake.
Turn on thread page Beta
bullies have almost killed my sister- long post: sorry watch
- Thread Starter
- 21-08-2008 23:48
- 21-08-2008 23:58
Medically she may be ok..but anorexia more than anything is the result of a psychological disorder, there are reasons doctors are doing this, you just need too trust them, more than anything is making her not slip into is.
The best we can offer here is support, naturally its been a stress on you aswell..too see a member of your family whom you love go through this, have you considered counselling?
Be there for your sister, trust the doctors...maybe you can search for forums or groups in the internet for families of those with mental disorders?
Hope that helps
- 22-08-2008 00:05
Im sure the docters who are keeping your sis in are doing it for her own benifit and not theirs. All you can do is talk to her docters and explain the situation to try and get your sis to in s sense forget about her "mates" and focus on getting better and back to school.
- 22-08-2008 00:06
anorexia is a very complex mental disorder. i would not assume that just because your sister is at a normal weight AT THE MOMENT it will necessarily stay that way, especially once she's out of the special unit and back in the normal (bullying and stressful) world and at school.
IMO it is more important that your sister really learns to deal with her disorder than that she misses out on school. once she is really back on track she might change her mind about giving up on school.
i would try not to rant against the doctor and trust his opinion and experience over yours.
and, seriously, i wouldn't talk to that girl's family again.
- 22-08-2008 00:20
Does she have other friends? Have they not supported her/ostracised the one who caused it? Make sure when she gets better that she goes back to school/a different college.
- 22-08-2008 00:35
If this happened to someone in my family i would beat the living **** out of the bullies... Ihope everything sorts itself out
- 22-08-2008 00:41
Personally if that was my sister (as I have a younger sister who I am very protective of and has had problems with bullies before) I would beat the **** out of her! (I know its not the answer but why should somone make another persons life a living hell because they are jealous)
- 22-08-2008 01:42
Please keep anon or delete!
You say she needs to go back to school or otherwise she will drop out...but I really cannot stress how much more important her health is! It is never too late to get back into learning, but if it happens to soon then it may be too late to save her health. Basically....what's the rush?
With regards to my experience with mental health doctors/nurses, I agree they don't always know best!! If you are unhappy with the way your sister's Doctor is dealing with her situation, keep on pushing it until you get someone who actually gives a crap (not all of them do).
Without going into too much detail about my own situation, I left school when I was 14 to due bullying and being scared for my own life. I left with absolutely no qualifications and although I missed out on chunks of education, I am now back in College aiming for University, and more importantly I'm happy and healthy!!
I know how tough it can be living with a family member who suffers with mental ill-health, but I hope everything works out for you and your family, and make sure you look after yourself as well as your sister.
- 22-08-2008 02:03
i had a friend a very close friend who was bullied and then suffered from an eating disorder of a slightly different kind.
she also had a meeting similar to what your sister had and although it sounds absurd, getting everything out in the open and teaching my friend how to deal with whatever life throws at her and teaching the people who werent kind with her to deal with their own issues in other ways and not taking it out on other people actually put everyone in a better position. have somefaith in the doctors and support your sister.
sometimes u have to take 2 steps back to take one step forward.
- 22-08-2008 02:17
When i was Bullied in year 10 i resorted to anabolic steroids, kickboxing lessons and high amounts of rap music. I now have a criminal record and an ASBO, but my enemies will never be the same again, was revenge worth it? yes