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    • #44
    #44

    Had a baby at 20. Had been with b/f for 17months. Had to drop out of Uni. Split up with b/f months later whilst still pregnant. It totally messed up my life. Wish someone had dragged me to Marie Stopes. Love my child but when things are so hard you are bound to feel resentment and guilt. I would have been a much better mother in my 30's. It has taken me YEARS to get my life back on track. My child does not see her dad and I have had to bring her up all on my own. The boy can just wallk away and get on with his life should he choose to. The girl has no choice once that baby is here.

    I would/could never have given birth to a child and given he or she up for adoption but I guess that is an option.
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    (Original post by Dr.Hox)
    Nobody would WISH to do that. But if it happens, why punish an innocent life that was created by your mistakes?
    A split condom is not anyone's "mistake", its an unfortunate incident. And anyway, its easy for you to be judgemental regarding abortions, its not like you're ever going to have to have one.
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    The other thing to note about abortion is that it can take a while to get a referral so if she sees her doctor this week, who will do a blood test to confirm the pregnancy, she then needs to see another doctor to agree that she has a right to an abortion (which she does if that's what she wants) and then they have to do a cooling off period of at least a few days (sometimes up to a couple of weeks but only if you are earlier on in the pregnancy) to give her the opportunity to change her mind/see a counsellor, and then they have to schedule the procedure.

    With how late on she is, this could potentially put her at closer to 16 weeks. This would then be a surgical abortion versus vacuum aspiration and the NHS might not do it, unless there was a threat to the mother's health, or the baby was going to be born with some sort of birth defect. If you are going private, Marie Stopes is the most common private clinic (they have a website - just google) and the prices vary depending on what sort of operation you need.

    This is not me encouraging abortion, or discouraging abortion, I'm just trying to give some facts that might be helpful when making your decision.
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    (Original post by Antonia87)
    A split condom is not anyone's "mistake", its an unfortunate incident.

    Dynamite.

    Thank you.
    • #44
    #44

    Until you have felt your breast leaking milk everytime you hear a baby cry do not tell me it is easy to give birth to a child and then give it up
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    (Original post by Antonia87)
    A split condom is not anyone's "mistake", its an unfortunate incident. And anyway, its easy for you to be judgemental regarding abortions, its not like you're ever going to have to have one.
    No, but Ive had to consider the option when I thought my girlfriend was pregnant.

    The mistake was having sex when youre in a position to not be able to handle the possible consequences. Now, Im making the same mistake, but I cant stop it either.
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    (Original post by Dr.Hox)
    No, but Ive had to consider the option when I thought my girlfriend was pregnant.

    The mistake was having sex when youre in a position to not be able to handle the possible consequences. Now, Im making the same mistake, but I cant stop it either.
    So basically, you think no one should have sex until they are in the perfect position to raise a child? Idealist much? If we all went by that logic there would be hardly any children in the world at all!
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    Have you even asked her what she wants? I'm sorry but your posts seem a little selfish to me, I understand you're confused/worried and that's of course understandable, but what about your girlfriend? After all, it takes two to make a baby, but it's her who has the baby inside her, has to have the surgery etc, not you, it's very easy for you to just tick off abortion in your list of 'What should we do' - it is much more traumatic for her. Keeping the baby is possible but if you don't feel ready then abortion is probably the best thing, but ultimately I think she should have the biggest say in this (feel free to disagree but this is what I think!)

    Pregnancy tests are relatively reliable but not always so, they are not 100% accurate. Book an appointment to have a scan to be sure, because you may be worried for nothing.

    Good luck to both of you x
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    Enough of the pro/anti abortion debate please.

    OP, if your gf is 13 weeks along then that is quite late to have an abortion (but still within the 24 week allowance). 98% of abortions are preformed before 12 weeks. Are you sure this is what she wants, or are you just assuming it is? It will take a few weeks to book into the GP, then get scanned, then get the procedure set up. In this time she may start to feel the baby kicking and the baby is pretty much fully formed. You won't be looking at getting an abortion in the sense that most people on here will be thinking. It will be an operation under GA.

    "Surgical dilation and evacuation (D&E) is a procedure that is carried out under general anaesthetic. The neck of the womb (cervix) is gently stretched and dilated (opened), and forceps and a suction tube are used to remove the foetus. The procedure usually takes between 10-20 minutes to perform and, if you are healthy, and there are no complications, you may be able to return home the same day. You may have some bleeding after the abortion for up to 14 days."

    If you decide to keep the baby then you most certainly do not need to drop out of university as some people have said. Your girlfriend can defer for a year or more if she wants to. She'll be entitled to child tax credits of about £70 a month, plus maternity allowance (payable when you like, for up to 39 weeks) of about £120 a week and a lump sum of £500 once the baby is born, plus £250 for the child. There is other financial help available too, but you'd have to check it out as I only know a few of them.

    I'd advise that you both read into the procedures as much as possible and get as much information as you can. There are specific pregnancy websites/forums that will be able to give you much better advice that a student forum. PM me if you want more information and website addresses that can give you more information. I know you're anon in this thread, but as a moderator I would keep it strictly confidential if you PMed me.
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    OP is very quiet....
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    this thread has turned into a debate about whether abortion is wrong or right.... thats not what the OP asked for!!! i know people are only defending them selves, but seriously.... do you think its helpfull???? if you disagree with abortion.... piss off.... this isnt a thread to debate your views (you are welcom to them, but your not helping the OP)

    He is asking a question about how to go about looking into abortions, as he and his girlfreind do not want to continue with the pregnancy (im presuming she agrees).... its not ideal by any means but accidents happen (they were at least trying to be carefull!!!)

    unfortunatly i dont know to much about the subject to offer advice my self, but what curlylocks88 posted seems pretty sensible information...... get this post back on track and take your "morals of abortion" argument somewhere else.
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    (Original post by Anonymous)
    Long story short, been going out with my gf for 19months and she has been on the pill throughout. She took a pregnancy test this morning (wasnt feeling well, been at the back of her mind) and it came back postitive. She went to a NHS walk in centre who were very unhelpful and just referred her to her docter. Problem being her docter is 80 miles away in her home town and she cant see them till friday. We are both 21, and both at university.

    Just need some advice on what our options are going to be, abortion wise (any other options etc?).


    Cheers guys
    If you're both 21, then you're 3rd years right? No need to drop out of uni...if she's only just pregnant the baby won't be due till july ish so you can both finish this year (final year I'm assuming) and then have the baby together afterwards! Don't kill it :mad: there's no need.
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    (Original post by BlackHawk)
    Enough of the pro/anti abortion debate please.

    OP, if your gf is 13 weeks along then that is quite late to have an abortion (but still within the 24 week allowance). 98% of abortions are preformed before 12 weeks. Are you sure this is what she wants, or are you just assuming it is? It will take a few weeks to book into the GP, then get scanned, then get the procedure set up. In this time she may start to feel the baby kicking and the baby is pretty much fully formed.

    If you decide to keep the baby then you most certainly do not need to drop out of university as some people have said. Your girlfriend can defer for a year or more if she wants to. She'll be entitled to child tax credits of about £70 a month, plus maternity allowance (payable when you like, for up to 39 weeks) of about £120 a week and a lump sum of £500 once the baby is born, plus £250 for the child. There is other financial help available too, but you'd have to check it out as I only know a few of them.

    I'd advise that you both read into the procedures as much as possible and get as much information as you can. There are specific pregnancy websites/forums that will be able to give you much better advice that a student forum. PM me if you want more information.
    took me so long to write... you beat me to the point!!!!
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    (Original post by sadie-kiki)
    If you're both 21, then you're 3rd years right? No need to drop out of uni...if she's only just pregnant the baby won't be due till july ish so you can both finish this year (final year I'm assuming) and then have the baby together afterwards! Don't kill it :mad: there's no need.
    ok.... so they finish uni..... have their baby...... what are they going to do about money?..... what are they going to do about somewhere to live (suitable to bring up a baby)?

    you have to look at the whole picture
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    (Original post by candy x)
    ok.... so they finish uni..... have their baby...... what are they going to do about money?..... what are they going to do about somewhere to live (suitable to bring up a baby)?

    you have to look at the whole picture
    I posted before reading the thread
    As a Christian I personally wouldn't even consider abortion - there should be sufficient support in the form of friends/family/the state, but if abortion really really is the only option for them after much in depth consideration of the consequences both morally and emotionally then I guess they'd have to take it. It's just that if she's 13 weeks or more it's a bit brutal imo, but each to their own, I'm not going to preach to people.
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    I have friends that had the bright idea of actually planning a child at university. She was jobless and never been to university, and they aren’t doing too badly. They have a nice little 2 bedroom house paid for by the University and benefits whilst he is embarking on a PhD after he graduates. So if money is a problem you will not struggle.
    Abortion is an option but being quite late may involve giving birth. It might be worth while having the baby especially if you have been together a long time and plan on staying together, as it would be less traumatic for both of you than an abortion.
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    (Original post by candy x)
    ok.... so they finish uni..... have their baby...... what are they going to do about money?..... what are they going to do about somewhere to live (suitable to bring up a baby)?

    you have to look at the whole picture
    I have lived on less than £5k a year before and lived away from home, so it certainly isn't impossible to live on a low amount of money. With the money that you are entitled to from the state (e.g. state maternity pay, working families tax credit, child benefit so £120 +£12+£70 = £202/week approximately) plus other benefits which she would be able to get e.g. housing benefit and council tax benefit plus if her boyfriend stayed in uni he would get different loans and grants, if he had a dependent child. This money would be more than ample to rent a flat/house and support a child. You don't have to buy baby's all new stuff, and the money the government provides should be ample to supply it with the main expenditure at the beginning e.g. cot, pushchair etc. She could also move back into her parent's home at first if she didn't feel confident about moving out on her own.

    It really doesn't have to be that difficult and money is a problem that can be overcome. It is normally the mental implications of having a child, that are more of a concern than monetary concerns.
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    (Original post by candy x)
    ok.... so they finish uni..... have their baby...... what are they going to do about money?..... what are they going to do about somewhere to live (suitable to bring up a baby)?

    you have to look at the whole picture

    Well, they could either use they're own money to get a flat but assuming they are 100% broke and have no money......

    His girlfriend is entitled to up to £120 a week for 39 weeks as maternity pay.

    She's also entitled to £70 a month to cover expenses for the child. (Young babies are not expensive and £20 a week would cover nappies and possibly formula if not breastfeeding)

    They'd also get a lump sum of £500 once the baby is born, and a cheque for the baby of £250.

    They'd also possibly be entitled to working tax credit if she went back to work (so after the maternity pay expires) This is £175 a week on top of her salary.

    They would also be entitled to 12.5 hours a week of free childcare with a registered childcare provider.

    This is just for the girlfriend, so I'd assume they'd have money from the boyfriend working too or loans and grants from his university.

    On top of this, they can apply for housing and be given high priority given the fact that she is pregnant. Most councils or housing associations will aim to give high priority people a house within 2 months and she could apply now. Now most people see council housing as horrible, and yes some is but I have seen plenty of really nice housing association houses and the rent is incredibly cheap.

    Anyway, the point is that if they want it then the help is available.
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    okay okay... i get the point.... it is possible!

    i was just replying to someone who hadnt thought things through and was just looking at the emotional side of having a baby... pointing out there are other things to think about.
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    (Original post by Antonia87)
    So basically, you think no one should have sex until they are in the perfect position to raise a child? Idealist much? If we all went by that logic there would be hardly any children in the world at all!
    Yay for mistakes?

    It may be idealist, but if people followed through with it, every child born would have a higher chance of being well cared for.
 
 
 
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