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Pregnancy - information and questions watch

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    (Original post by Helenia)
    Interestingly, the implant and the Mirena are actually both MORE effective at preventing pregnancy than surgical sterilisation. :yep: Which is why it's being offered much less frequently nowadays.
    Really? I admit I didn't know that. You learn something new every day.
    • #5
    #5

    why?
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    what your doing is like playing Russian roulette if you carry on soon enough you will shoot yourself or in this case get pregnant.
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    Hi

    I'll make this a really quick one.

    I've just found out recently that I'm 7 weeks pregnant. This will be my 3rd child and it was not planned. I haven't recovered from my 2nd baby yet as I had cesarean and mentally I'm not ready and prepared for the 3rd and wants to have an abortion, I have spoken to my partner and he is not agreeing and wants to have this child.

    I don't want to have an abortion without his will because I love him very much , but at same time I don't want to have the 3rd child but some how I need to convince him about my physical and mental health (i'm not mentally i'll) so he'll agree to have an abortion.

    I have tried to explain him that we already have 2 children and we are happy, If we have more in the near future I will not have any problem but with my 1st child being 7 years old & 2nd being 1 years old and this is coming it will be very difficult for me and this is affecting me mentally.

    Please give me serious advice and ways i can convince him.
    I will really appreaciate all your help
    (I'm really sorry if i haven't written this properly, it's just the nerves)
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    At the end of the day, its your body, so if you want the abortion, have it. If your guy loves you then he will support you through.
    Talk things over, and hopefully he should see your point of view.

    Hope that helps
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    He loves me, but he's saying that things will get better, just pray.

    I have tried to talk to him, but he's not really listening.

    I really need a very strong reason which will hit him very emotionally to realise what I am and will be going through with this 3rd child.
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    How about telling him to rubber up? how old are you?
    • #6
    #6

    I'm sorry but I totally disagree with King Pieb. It may be your body, sure, but it's his child.
    Men never get a fair say when it comes to abortions. It's always the woman's decision, and people going on about 'it's the woman's decision', but it's not just the woman's child, it's the man's child too.

    I understand that you don't feel ready to have another baby, but as far as your partner is concerned, you are killing his child. I wouldn't stand for anybody killing my child if it were me, so you cannot possibly expect him to just accept you having an abortion.

    If you have the abortion, you'll be saving yourself from putting yourself through another childbirth, but your partner will have to live for the rest of his life knowing that you killed his child.

    I know you may not see it as a child at the moment, seen as how it's only 7 weeks, a lot of people don't think that life begins that early. But obviously your partner feels more strongly about it, so to him, he probably does see it as his child already.

    If you didn't want another child why couldn't you have been more careful? You've got two children already, so no silly excuses about not knowing what you were doing.

    I can't help you out on this one, because I would take exactly the same stance as your partner if I were him. How about you try and see things from his point of view.
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    Yes but the man doesn't have to experience the trauma of pregnancy, birth and all the mental and physical dangers and issues that are thrown up with it does he? She's the one who will have to feed it and I'm guessing from the attitude expressed by her partner she's going to be the primary carer.

    Yes it is his child, but if he doesn't play a large part in the birth/pain/early rearing, then he has no right to try and control what she does.
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    How old are you?
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    I did for the first 2 children and we both agreed to have the babies, but for this one it is really affecting me mentally and don't know what to do.

    I have put myself in his position and thought through it, he's (we) already have 2 children and do i really want to have the 3rd by risking my partner's life?

    He works full time, sometimes till late night and I have to take care of both children.

    I'm over 30
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    if he keeps saying just pray then it must be his religious sentiment that abortion is wrong, point out the doctrine of double effect in christianity (if he's christian) which says abortion is moral if the woman's health is at risk, an unborn child should not have presidence over an already living woman, or words to that effect. hope it helps, good luck.
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    If you were physically and mentally able to be in a position to conceive another child, you're probably stronger than you're giving yourself credit for and this baby might not be such a bad thing. You might even become stronger because of going through with the pregnancy; not least because your partner will admire you and support you more for it because he'll know that he's the one who encouraged you. I don't take abortion lightly, but it seems you have a partner who is willing to support you through this, so talk to him about how you're feeling again. Best of luck, and I hope you find peace in whichever option you decide to take.
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    (Original post by pinksony)
    I did for the first 2 children and we both agreed to have the babies, but for this one it is really affecting me mentally and don't know what to do.

    I have put myself in his position and thought through it, he's (we) already have 2 children and do i really want to have the 3rd by risking my partner's life?

    He works full time, sometimes till late night and I have to take care of both children.

    I'm over 30
    Your well-being and health should be put first, especially as you have two other children. If you become ill or there are complications, it isn't just you who suffers.

    I'm sure that if you sit down with him and express to him exactly why you don't want to have a third child and how you feel that he's not being fair, I'm sure he'll then work with you to a happier conclusion.

    If he keeps demanding a child above everything that is wrong.

    *awaits all the anti-choice people to tell her she's a Godless murderer*
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    just talk about it state all the facts... dont pussy foot around anything
    it may be good for you to hear it all your self too...
    x
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    I'm not christian, but my realigion says that if the mother's health is in danger physically or mentally then it is right to have an abortion.

    bellebaihe:
    The problem is he's not even listening to me or hearing my side of the story and he's not willing to sit down and have a proper chat. I know what I'm going through with this mentally and its weaking me.

    Please give me advice on how I can convince him Please.
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    I have 2 children and i do understand how hard it can be, at the end of the day it is up to both of you to come to a conclusion on what you want to do. If your partner wants to keep the baby then he needs to help alot more. Alot of people do cope with more than 3 kids so you can do it but as i say you do need to decide you arent many wks yet and you still could be in shock from finding out. Make the right choice for you. xxxx
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    If you feel you are unprepared to have this baby, then it will be better for you to not have the baby for your own sake, but also for the baby's sake. It's not only your, but also your baby's health, and that of your other kids that is at stake here, and if you feel that you will be unable to have the mental and physical readiness to handle another baby, then you are (imo) entirely right to abort, especially since it was unplanned.
    Im not sure what you and your partner's protection policy is, but to me this shows (as well as his unwillingness to listen to your arguments against having the baby) a simple lack in communication between the two of you.
    Maybe go see a relationship councellor to talk these issues through?
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    I can understand where the OP is coming from in that I also had babies by C section and its not an easy thing to recover from that quickly, my youngest is 9 years old and I still have problems with my scare and parts of my belly are still numb. The thing is , is that its the OP that has to carry this baby, give birth to it and then care for it while her other half is at work....plus she has a 1 year old baby. Yes the man does have a say in abortion, but ultimately its down to the woman. Perhaps you should have a really good talk whereby you can both listen to each other and take on board what each of you wants. I am also over 30 and dont want anymore children at all......but things happen sometimes.
    • #6
    #6

    (Original post by pipkinlove)
    Yes but the man doesn't have to experience the trauma of pregnancy, birth and all the mental and physical dangers and issues that are thrown up with it does he? She's the one who will have to feed it and I'm guessing from the attitude expressed by her partner she's going to be the primary carer.

    Yes it is his child, but if he doesn't play a large part in the birth/pain/early rearing, then he has no right to try and control what she does.
    That's not his fault though is it? I'm sure that if it were up to him, he would carry the child himself.
    You can't just punish the man for something that he has no control over.

    If pinksony felt that strongly about not having a child, why didn't she use better protection?
 
 
 
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