Browngal97
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I just finished my final year of my undergraduate degree but I feel like I didnt make the most of my university experience. I made no active effort to make friends as most people had made friends during freshers week but I didnt go to any events as they mostly involved drinking and also I'm an introvert and hateeee going to social events if I dont know anyone. By the first week of first year I gave up with making friends and most people had formed friendship groups and I felt it was too late to make friends at this point. The only time I would talk to people is if they approached me first or during group work. The people I met during uni have been really lovely and friendly but my social skills have been really slacking since I started uni and never managed to turn any acquaintances into actual friends. Part of me regrets not making more of an effort but most of the people on my course were international students anyway so I knew after uni I would never see them again and I managed on my own and didnt really see the need in making temporary friends. But it feels kind of sad knowing that I'll be leaving uni with zero friends lol. Overall though, I really enjoyed my degree but I feel like I missed out on the whole uni experience because if i made friends my uni life could have potentially been even better. On the other hand, goodbyes make me very emotional and saying goodbye to friends I'd probably never see again would make me so upset. I'm just wondering if this is something I will regret later on in life because everyone seems to have made friends in uni and I haven't.
(Posted this at an awkward time before and didn't get any responses so posting again)
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cherryxberry
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im starting uni in September and this is one of my worries struggling making friends
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e2002!
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(Original post by Browngal97)
I just finished my final year of my undergraduate degree but I feel like I didnt make the most of my university experience. I made no active effort to make friends as most people had made friends during freshers week but I didnt go to any events as they mostly involved drinking and also I'm an introvert and hateeee going to social events if I dont know anyone. By the first week of first year I gave up with making friends and most people had formed friendship groups and I felt it was too late to make friends at this point. The only time I would talk to people is if they approached me first or during group work. The people I met during uni have been really lovely and friendly but my social skills have been really slacking since I started uni and never managed to turn any acquaintances into actual friends. Part of me regrets not making more of an effort but most of the people on my course were international students anyway so I knew after uni I would never see them again and I managed on my own and didnt really see the need in making temporary friends. But it feels kind of sad knowing that I'll be leaving uni with zero friends lol. Overall though, I really enjoyed my degree but I feel like I missed out on the whole uni experience because if i made friends my uni life could have potentially been even better. On the other hand, goodbyes make me very emotional and saying goodbye to friends I'd probably never see again would make me so upset. I'm just wondering if this is something I will regret later on in life because everyone seems to have made friends in uni and I haven't.
(Posted this at an awkward time before and didn't get any responses so posting again)
Look, what’s done is done so there’s no need to seek clarification from others on wether you’ll regret it or not. All that matters is if you do personally regret it and learning from that. If i’m being totally honest from reading what you’ve written about it i think that you do regret it to some extent, I can see a lot of my own reasoning in what you’ve written and i think you do regret it but you’re trying to make excuses to make yourself feel better about it, saying that you’d never see them again anyway, that you get emotional at goodbyes etc.

If this is true then try not to get too caught up in regrets and what could’ve been because there’s no point. The best thing you can do is learn from the experience and if you do regret it and want to become more extroverted in the future and be able to make friends more easily then try and take steps towards that and put yourself out of your comfort zone when you can.

Btw i’m saying this as someone who feels that they have not so great social skills either, i’m starting uni in september and i’m definitely mostly nervous about the making friends and meeting people aspect😂🙃I do wish that i was just a total extrovert at times, would make things a lot easier.
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Tee1273
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Currently going through the same struggle, I’ve just finished first year but haven’t managed to make any friends. Also part of an ethnic minority, don’t drink and there’s no other south Asian girls on my course.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Tee1273)
Currently going through the same struggle, I’ve just finished first year but haven’t managed to make any friends. Also part of an ethnic minority, don’t drink and there’s no other south Asian girls on my course.
What course do you do?
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Tee1273
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(Original post by Anonymous)
What course do you do?
Midwifery @ Huddersfield. What about you?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Tee1273)
Midwifery @ Huddersfield. What about you?
Medicine at brum. I had a similar problem. Will you like never drink ever or would you consider it? Also you living at home?
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Medicine at brum. I had a similar problem. Will you like never drink ever or would you consider it? Also you living at home?
Yeah I would never drink, most the people at my uni do so that’s my issue, I can’t go to most the social settings they go to. I live at home and commute, I’m from Bradford but study in hudds !
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Yeah I would never drink, most the people at my uni do so that’s my issue, I can’t go to most the social settings they go to. I live at home and commute, I’m from Bradford but study in hudds !
Hmm right yeah that makes sense. I know it might sound wierd, but are you fully opposed to drinking. Drinking is embedded in most uni cultures. Obviously don't get hammered out of your mind, but maybe have 1 or 2 drinks for social occasions (that way you aren't drunk but would be able to mingle with others). Have you also been out at all?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Yeah I would never drink, most the people at my uni do so that’s my issue, I can’t go to most the social settings they go to. I live at home and commute, I’m from Bradford but study in hudds !
Do you also have oyfriend
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Do you also have oyfriend
I mean like boyfriends or girlfriends nearby at uni from college?
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Anonymous #3
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Hmm right yeah that makes sense. I know it might sound wierd, but are you fully opposed to drinking. Drinking is embedded in most uni cultures. Obviously don't get hammered out of your mind, but maybe have 1 or 2 drinks for social occasions (that way you aren't drunk but would be able to mingle with others). Have you also been out at all?
But you can still mingle and not drink alcohol, just have a fizzy drink
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
But you can still mingle and not drink alcohol, just have a fizzy drink
Not from my experience espicislly if all they sell is alcohol. The point being is that 1 or 2 is fine and it will help you in since there are a lot of students who don't drink that much as well sk more opportunity to make friends
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Anonymous #3
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Not from my experience espicislly if all they sell is alcohol. The point being is that 1 or 2 is fine and it will help you in since there are a lot of students who don't drink that much as well sk more opportunity to make friends
But I don’t get how having 1 or 2 helps
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Anonymous #4
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Hmm right yeah that makes sense. I know it might sound wierd, but are you fully opposed to drinking. Drinking is embedded in most uni cultures. Obviously don't get hammered out of your mind, but maybe have 1 or 2 drinks for social occasions (that way you aren't drunk but would be able to mingle with others). Have you also been out at all?
South Asian girls are usually Muslim...So I don't think she'd be allowed to drink
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
South Asian girls are usually Muslim...So I don't think she'd be allowed to drink
Hmm yeah, but from my experience as someone in the exact position, if you only drink a bit then it allowes you to easily make friends
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Tee1273)
Currently going through the same struggle, I’ve just finished first year but haven’t managed to make any friends. Also part of an ethnic minority, don’t drink and there’s no other south Asian girls on my course.
Hey so I was in your boat for the first 3 years and I didnt make that many friends. The problem being was I didn't get out enough, I was always shy and never involved. As Ive said, I initially never drank, but I thought I'd see if i had 1 or 2 too see if there was any difference, next thing I knew I was invited to a lot more events and made so many new friends. I never drank a lot and a lot of them didn't, so the effect was never there. Hope that kinda helps
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Khanthebrit
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I think the key point is you have to be the one to make the effort, irrespective of whether it involves drinking or not. For instance, if you were into drinking, you could invite that individual round for drinks, rather than hoping about hearing of an opportunity from them. You create the opportunity. A lot of people get anxious leading with the first stride, but nothing ventured means nothing gained. People will be exactly the same as yourself, and generally, I find you have to throw out a bone (and quite a big one) to evoke a positive response and allow someone to open up to you. Granted, it doesn't always work, but as mentioned before:

nothing ventured, nothing gained. And in 90% of situations, I guarantee it works.
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DazedDreamer
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Don't drink if you don't want to, but you can definitely go out without drinking, and there will also be other social activities - some unis even have a sober society. Nowhere only sells alcohol - mixers like coke, lemonade and orange juice are bound to be available, as is water.

Alcohol is closely linked with uni culture but that doesn't mean you have to drink just to fit in, or that there aren't events without alcohol. Try to talk to people on your course more - they (hopefully!) won't be drinking in class!!
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Anonymous #5
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You're not alone here. I have no friends. I'll be going into my third year in September and literally feel so lonely 😭

The diversity in my uni is APPALLING. I am the 2nd person of colour on my course. Race does matter, and I'm sorry but why are all of the white people just friends with their race? Why don't they venture into other backgrounds?

My point exactly. My college and school years were the BEST EVER. I have no where had the joy in university. All I can think of is graduating and moving to a more diverse city to find a job and make friends.
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