Turn on thread page Beta
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    And I don't know how to convince him to let me go.

    At the end of April, my mum passed away and it hit me and my dad for six.

    I'm an only child and at that time I was revising for my exams, and it was tough. Luckily, I passed my exams and I got into the Uni of my choice but my dad is adamant that I dont go.

    I mean, since I completed my Alevels, I've been working 9-5 mon to fri and giving my dad money for rent, and now, he wants me to carry on doing this and not go to Uni.

    He's always having a go at me now, making digs but I dont react to him in an agreesive manner, I usually shut down the convo. But now, its closer to the time where I will be off to Uni and he's getting worse. I dont tell my friends about the problems at home, I dont go into my private life with anyone, but seeing as I'm taking a chance now, what shall I do?
    Offline

    12
    ReputationRep:
    If you want to go to university, you go. So long as you think your dad will be ok without you, of course

    Perhaps he's just worried about being in the house on his own - it's probably a scary prospect for him, to go from 3 to 1 so suddenly. Maybe if you promise to come home to see him regularly, so he doesn't feel so alone, he'll cope with it better...
    Online

    15
    ReputationRep:
    Ultimately you have to do what you think is best for yourself. I mean of course after losing your mother you'll be all the more conscious of how precious time with your parents is, but there comes a time when you have to break away a little.

    One question though, can he afford to run the house on his own?
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    go to university locally and work? possibly take a shorter course or maybe one with more work placements so you gain more money, definately going to university will increase your chances of success.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    I don't know, thats the thing. He doesnt talk to me about it, he just starts an argument which I dont respond to.

    But I shouldnt be so selfish and I should stay home for his sake and continue to pay for rent

    Thank you.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by fleur_de_haine)
    Ultimately you have to do what you think is best for yourself. I mean of course after losing your mother you'll be all the more conscious of how precious time with your parents is, but there comes a time when you have to break away a little.

    One question though, can he afford to run the house on his own?

    He can afford to run the house yes.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Sounds like he isn't good at "showing emotion" and really doesn't want to lose you. Write him a nice little letter explaining the situation, it's easier than speaking face to face because he can't stop you half way.
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    There are numerous options available to you. Your dad has experienced a tough time clearly so he's bound to be concerned about losing another part of his family so soon. You could defer your entry or withdrawn and re-apply next year. Or you could attempt to reason with your father and try to prove to him that this is what is best for you. Don't convince yourself your being selfish though - follow your own dream. Or rather, do whatever you think is right. If you live by your father's rules then when will you ever be free?
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    That is such an awful situation to be in.

    I would contact the university, and perhaps ask them to defer your entry?
    Offline

    1
    ReputationRep:
    yeah, i think you have to talk to him. Find out the reason why he doesn't want you to go. from there you can both come up with a solution. If its because he doesn't want to be alone, then you can arrange to come over regularly, or if you want defer until next year if you think you're dad needs this time with you and you are happy to do it.

    If its because he wants you to bring money in, then there are ways to sort it out. But if you have to speak to him, have a conversation about his worries with you leaving.
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    I'm going to contact the Uni to get a deferral, and stay home with my dad and work.

    Even though, I dont fully know what a deferal means, hopefully I can "reserve" a place on the course next year.
    Online

    15
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    He can afford to run the house yes.
    Well, off to uni you go, but be sure to visit him regularly.
    Offline

    13
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    And I don't know how to convince him to let me go.

    At the end of April, my mum passed away and it hit me and my dad for six.

    I'm an only child and at that time I was revising for my exams, and it was tough. Luckily, I passed my exams and I got into the Uni of my choice but my dad is adamant that I dont go.

    I mean, since I completed my Alevels, I've been working 9-5 mon to fri and giving my dad money for rent, and now, he wants me to carry on doing this and not go to Uni.

    He's always having a go at me now, making digs but I dont react to him in an agreesive manner, I usually shut down the convo. But now, its closer to the time where I will be off to Uni and he's getting worse. I dont tell my friends about the problems at home, I dont go into my private life with anyone, but seeing as I'm taking a chance now, what shall I do?

    Do you have any close uncle or anyone? Talk to him and he may try to talk to your dad.


    Can you drive or travel to your uni everyday?


    Take your dad with you (a silly advice but hmm..)


    Do a part time degree may be. Explain this to your uni and do a part time in ur chosen uni.

    What course are you doing btw? and where?
    • #1
    • Thread Starter
    #1

    (Original post by SilentGirl)
    Do you have any close uncle or anyone? Talk to him and he may try to talk to your dad.


    Can you drive or travel to your uni everyday?


    Take your dad with you (a silly advice but hmm..)


    Do a part time degree may be. Explain this to your uni and do a part time in ur chosen uni.

    What course are you doing btw? and where?

    I'm not sure if I can go on the degree part time, I'm pretty much been looking after my dad, so when I got my results, I put the letter to one side and opened the letter in the mail confirming my place for my first choice.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    I agree with deferring your entry. That way, you'll be able to see whether you like the lifestyle your dad is happy with, you working 9-5 Mon-fri and giving rent, and you'll be able to see whether that's really what you want to do for the foreseeable future. A deferred entry can give alot of breathing space and time to figure out what's really best, not just for you but for your dad aswell.

    If your university is far away, how about suggesting your dad moves closer to there if it's possible?

    Taking a gap year could help both of you to see what's best for you.

    All the best, whatever you decide to do. Good luck =)
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    He's probably scared of being alone It's an awkward situation but you need to do what's best for you. It will be hard for your dad, but he'll be so proud of you once you graduate. As people have said before, going to a closer uni or taking a gap year are possible options to make things easier on your dad.

    This can't be easy for you, good luck.
    Offline

    14
    ReputationRep:
    You don't have to go to univeristy at this stage of your life, but if you don't go, you need a good substitute. Working a dead-end 9-5 and keeping your father company ISN'T a good substitute. Really.

    Your father is unlikely to let go any more readily if you wait a year. Also, how can he justify charging you rent if he isn't going to let you go to university. "You must stay at home and pay me money for being here". Erm, what? If you got into the university you wanted to go to, then go. Losing your mother will have been hell, but you can't let it put your life on hold. Would she have wanted you to stay home and father-sit?
    Offline

    21
    ReputationRep:
    OP I feel for you. :console:

    You've lost your Mum so your head is probably in bits, but make a conscious decision and make your you make the riht one. There are loads of avenues you can go down, as people have explained, so choose what's best for the both of you.
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    (Original post by Anonymous)
    I'm going to contact the Uni to get a deferral, and stay home with my dad and work.

    Even though, I dont fully know what a deferal means, hopefully I can "reserve" a place on the course next year.
    i know what its like to lose a parent suddenly so first of all sorry for your loss

    second of all it seems your father is still grieving and holding on to you i suppose what with being an only child. but you also need to remember if you defer now what about next year? what if his still not "over" if (not that anyone gets over losing a loved on, just a case of trying to move on) will you defer again? will u end up sacrificing what you want to do.

    thirdly are you ready to go to uni? what with your mum passing away as you might find maybe you do need time or maybe uni is an excellant way of getting away and trying to move on with life.

    i feel for your dad but its your life at the end of the day. think about what you would like also and sit down and talk to him
    Offline

    0
    ReputationRep:
    Maybe try and find a uni somewhere local so you can either commute in - or come back and see your dad reguarlly? I'm sure he wants you to do well in life - every parents want their kid(s) to be a success he'll probably be upset with no one around.
 
 
 
Reply
Submit reply
Turn on thread page Beta
TSR Support Team

We have a brilliant team of more than 60 Support Team members looking after discussions on The Student Room, helping to make it a fun, safe and useful place to hang out.

Updated: August 23, 2008
Poll
Black Friday: Yay or Nay?

The Student Room, Get Revising and Marked by Teachers are trading names of The Student Room Group Ltd.

Register Number: 04666380 (England and Wales), VAT No. 806 8067 22 Registered Office: International House, Queens Road, Brighton, BN1 3XE

Write a reply...
Reply
Hide
Reputation gems: You get these gems as you gain rep from other members for making good contributions and giving helpful advice.