Sexuality changes

KEEP ANON OR DELETE, THIS IS SERIOUS.

Ok I've been a gay male for a long long time and often get disgusted by the prospect of having sex with female parts. Lately I've been talking to girls and i really get turned on by the idea of 'love sex': by that I mean the sex with the one person you love. And I really want a relationship with that girl and at the moment she's very accepting.

I don't know, I'm currently mildly turned off by the idea of gay sex, but I'm thinking it's because I haven't found the right guy yet. Most of the guys in my school/area are very homophobic and the few i suspect to be gay are definitely in-denial and start making a big deal out of it when asked what their sexuality was.

I don't know really, i only like to have sex with the people i love. I heard that this is case is called pansexuality. Am I a pansexual? I think I'm... i have my 'on' and 'off' days where once I love a guy and the other time I'm seriously in love with a girl and I'm really confused... IMO i think that I wouldn't think about having sex with anyone else in the world if I was in a relationship with someone i love, whether a boy or a girl. Not sure if this is a case of bisexuality, but anyway.

What do you think?

Reply 1

imomo16

You sound confused to me. See how it goes with the girl, and remember that there is no necesssity for you to label yourself at any point.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

EierVonSatan

I think you're confused, just follow your instincts on this, theres no rule to follow - how old are you btw?

Reply 3

nathanielnoir

Try not to let it worry you then.

When I was 15, I probably didn't know what sex was.

Reply 4

thecaterpillar

I think it totally depends on the way you see yourself and what you're comfortable with. As the above posters said, there are no 'rules' and you don't need to label yourself as anything.

I admire you for saying that you prefer 'love' sex, because I think a lot of people nowadays don't really see the benefits that come from having a loving sexual relationship. At 15 I'd say you're pretty much mature enough to make your own decisions and class yourself as whatever you want to. No one is saying that if you're attracted to men, then you can never ever be attracted to women. Everyone has different wants and needs in their sex life. I've heard of monogamous heterosexual couples who enjoy roleplaying as the opposite gender in their sex life, either 'make-believing' lesbian sex, or gay sex, or just swapping roles. It's not being 'confused', it's not being 'indecisive'. I don't consider myself of any sexuality - I've had relationships with both sexes and enjoyed them. I don't think 'oh no, because I should be heterosexual I'm going to refuse to have a relationship with that girl whom I find very attractive and pleasant to be around'. If you're comfortable with it, don't deny yourself.

There are tons of really helpful sexual related communities, including sextips on LiveJournal. Maybe you could look through one of those, ask a couple of people there what they think. There are occasionally also articles posted or linked to exploring different sides of sexuality that might be helpful to you.

I don't know really, i only like to have sex with the people i love. I heard that this is case is called pansexuality.

Pansexuality is when you have loving and open relationships with more than one person at the same time. It's different to cheating because everyone involved is aware of it. It's also different to polygamy, because that generally refers to someone who has more than one spouse, but the spouses do not necessarily have other relationships, e.g. in the Mormon culture.

Pansexuality is pretty much the idea that you can love and have sex with more than one person at the same time without cheating. I guess the big thing about it is that everyone has to be okay about it, and it's not to do with having one steady girlfriend then just having a 'bit on the side' who you occasionally meet up with - that's more comparable to an affair, even if they know about eachother.

So I don't know, are you pansexual? If you consider yourself able to love more than one person in a sexual sense and have multiple relationships where all your partners have more or less equal status, then probably yes.

Reply 5

krazyof_nalez

What generally makes us feel that we are mature and we need sex?

i can't say.

IS there anyone who wants to be my friend ? I am fond of making many new frens but i don't have one.

Reply 8

DamnitJanet

thecaterpillar

I'm sorry, but the above is blatantly untrue. Where did you get your information from?
Pansexuality has nothing to do with loving more than one person at once- people of any sexuality are perfectly capable of loving two people. Pansexuality is a sexual orientation. Pansexuals are attracted to people of any gender and also people who break gender rules- cross dressers, transexuals, etc. This doesn't mean that they fancy everyone, or that they necessarily have more than one relationship, it merely means they can experience sexual attraction to people of both genders, and everyone in between.

OP, given that you feel drawn towards the idea of "love-sex" and seem to like individual people rather than genders, you might well be pansexual, but unfortunately none of us can tell you what you are. There's really no need to label yourself yet; I'd suggest just datingn who you want, liking who you want and worrying about your sexuality later. As for sexuality changes, many people believe that sexuality is fluid, it might well change. Personally, I identified as a lesbian for a long while before ending up liking a guy. So I'd say don't stress, just go with your feelings for now. :smile:

Reply 9

thecaterpillar

I'm sorry, but the above is blatantly untrue. Where did you get your information from?

Ahh sorry, I'm a dumbass. >_> I was thinking of polyamory, I don't know why I got that confused.

Reply 10

Kabloomybuzz

You're questioning yourself, which is good and healthy. especially at your age. Just go with life and dont agonise over it too much. You'll work it out

Also, there will probably be some LGBTQ yourth groups in your area that can support you. See if you can find them. Internet will probably have info.

Reply 11

DamnitJanet

thecaterpillar

Ahh sorry, I'm a dumbass. >_> I was thinking of polyamory, I don't know why I got that confused.

Aw, no worries xD I haven't even HEARD of polyamory

Reply 12

theworldwonders

Anonymous

I don't know your age, but I'm assuming you're in your teens? Still at school.

You will have thousands of thoughts flying around your head right now.

I only came out about 6 months ago, and for the past number of years I've shared your 'disgust' in having sex with 'female parts'. But you have to be true to yourself, and if at this point in your life you are maybe changing your opinion on what you used to think, then go with it, don't think "but I'm gay, I can't possibly have a relationship with a girl"... it's this time in your life you should experiment :smile:

Try it out with this girl... I'm not advocating you jump into bed with her just to prove whether or not you are gay, but see how things go.

If you're in fact in your teens, what's the big deal what you think right now... gay, straight... as long as the people around you are giving you the support, be free to feel what you want.

If the one piece of advice you listen to on this forum (I'm sure this isn't the case) it's this:

If you've come out, but are now thinking you've made a mistake, don't be afraid to tell this to people, don't get stuck in a rut. Be true to yourself and tell people how you feel. It's never to late to come out, or head back in :smile:

Reply 13

emmarainbow

Just do what feels right for you. Don't worry about not being 'properly' gay, or any *******s like that. Do what makes you happy.

It *is* possible to fall in love with someone so that it transcends your sexuality.

And yes - pansexual = attracted to people of any gender.
Polyamory is very different, and kinda awesome, more than one loving relationship at once.

Reply 14

Spacecam

IMO sexuality is an "elastic" thing - it can mould and change throughout time, and should never be considered as you are 1,2,3 or 4.

So you could be confused, you could be anywhere on a very 3D scale. I wouldn't worry about it, if you've already had to "come out" to yourself about being gay, you already know how hard sexuality differences to society's norm can be. So possibly just let it take its course.

Sex with the person you love is exactly what sex is supposed to be for, it shouldn't matter on the gender, just on the person.

I'm glad there are some people that realise that.

Reply 15

Jonatan

There are a lot of words for what we feellike, but in the end they are just descriptions, attempts at explaining our feelings to others. Don't let a word like "gay" or "bisexual" tell you how you feel, your feelings won't change based on what you choose to call them.

Reply 16

Anonymous #1

Thank you for your replies everyone. They really helped. My feelings are very deceiving and sometimes I don't even know what I feel towards someone; one day I'm attracted to a guy thinking 'he's goregous' and I just can't keep my eyes of him and the other day I'm into this girl; I'm unsure whether I'm into the girl sexually or not.

Infact, sometimes I'm not into a guy or a girl sexually! But like I said my feelings are deceiving and I don't know what I will do if I was actually given the chance to have sex with them.

I've previously had sex with guys, I have to admit: I enjoy it but on the other hand, it just doesn't feel right and I just wish that the person i was sexually making out with will actually love me. Actually the people I've had sex with, at times, I'm not even sexually attracted to them; i just feel harsh to reject them and say 'no' because then I might think "Damn, what a moron I was." And start dwelling on the situation, fooling myself thinking that I was actually sexually attracted to them.

Ambiguous dilemma :frown:

Reply 17

emmarainbow

Sleeping with people because you don't wanna say 'no' isn't going to make you feel good about yourself. *hugs* Have sex when you want to - if you want it to be in a loving relationship, save it! You're also allowed to be attracted to more than one person at once, and girls as well as boys, even if you're attracted to guys a lot more.

You need a place to hang back, relax and think about your sexuality without having to stress about it, and maybe get some inner strength to give yourself the power to do what is best for you.

I suggest the queer youth network! (although I might be biased - I'm a mod there!)

I reckon you should just be close to people. If you like someone, hang out with them. You'll soon find out what your ambiguous feelings mean - I've fallen for a friend before, and it did take a while, and a bit of confusion as to what exactly was going on.

Reply 18

gupples

pansexuality is a highly complex understanding of sexuality: one which is really irrelevant. labels of bisexuality are also misleading; generally i do not use them. i am one of those people who falls in love with individuals, and this is basic sexuality.

what society wants to refer to it as is of no-one's concern. these labels distort our own understanding of what our relationships should be about, which is, of course, love. and this is the root cause of your confusion as to what you believe or feel. really you are not confused about yourself, it is your environment which is confused. your sexuality is not changing: you are always you.

always act on what you feel, if those feelings are strong. through these experiences, we are able to understand ourselves. if you need to experiement more physically than some other people, they do so. remember too the feelings of the other person, they are on the same journey as you.