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[b]What is the greatest joke EVER?![/b] watch

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    We all need laughter, don't we? :laughing:

    So i've decided to post this thread so people can submit their all time, greatest, side-splitting jokes that never fail to get everyone rolling on the floor crying with laughter :rofl2: :rofl2: :rofl2:

    I'll put in mine: "Why did the boy fall off his bike?"
    "Because someone threw a fridge at him" :indiff:

    Happy posting
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    This.

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    And the back of his anorak was leaping up and down, and people were chucking money to him. I said, 'Do you earn a living doing that?' He said, 'Yes, this is my livelihood.'
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    Seriously, personally I like this one:

    A man is walking on a beach, and he sees a woman with no legs and no arms. He walks by her, and suddenly she starts crying. He asks her what's wrong, and she says, "I've no arms and no legs and I've never been kissed". So he picks her up and gives her a kiss. As he starts to walk away again, he hears her cry again. He asks her what's wrong, and she says, "I've no arms and no legs and I've never been screwed". So he picks her up, throws her into the ocean and says "Now you're screwed!".

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    On hearing that her elderly grandfather had died, Jenny went straight to visit her grandmother. When she asked how her grandpa had died, her grandma explained, not holding back anything of course, "He had a heart attack during sex, Sunday morning!" Horrified, Jenny suggested that screwing at the age of 94 was surely asking for trouble! "Oh no," her grandma replied. "We had sex every Sunday morning in time with the church bells!" "In with the dings, out with the dongs!" She paused to wipe away a tear, "If it wasn't for that damn Ice Cream Truck, he'd still be alive!!!"

    :spank:

    YOU will have to be non-human not to laugh at that!
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    (Original post by Draconis)
    Seriously, personally I like this one:

    A man is walking on a beach, and he sees a woman with no legs and no arms. He walks by her, and suddenly she starts crying. He asks her what's wrong, and she says, "I've no arms and no legs and I've never been kissed". So he picks her up and gives her a kiss. As he starts to walk away again, he hears her cry again. He asks her what's wrong, and she says, "I've no arms and no legs and I've never been screwed". So he picks her up, throws her into the ocean and says "Now you're screwed!".

    haha great one
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    Three Americans and three scousers are travelling by train. At the station, the three Americans each buy tickets and watch as the three scousers buy only a single ticket. "How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asked an American. "Watch" answers a scouser.

    They all board the train. The Americans take their respective seats but all three scousers cram into the toilet and close the door behind them.

    Shortly after the train departs, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the toilet door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The Americans saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So, on the return trip, the Americans decide to copy the scousers on the return trip and save some money. When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the scousers don't buy a ticket at all. "How are you going to travel without a ticket," asks one perplexed American. "Watch" says a scouser.

    When they board the train the three Americans cram into a toilet and the three scousers cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the scousers leaves his toilet and walks over to the toilet where the Americans are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please".


    i really need to find another joke.
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    who's the coolest person in the hospital?

    The ultra-sound guy
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    lol, can't remember my favorite, but I quite like this one.

    "Why did the lion get lost?

    - 'Cuz jungle is massive."
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    (Original post by Bear_Grylls)
    Three Americans and three scousers are travelling by train. At the station, the three Americans each buy tickets and watch as the three scousers buy only a single ticket. "How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asked an American. "Watch" answers a scouser.

    They all board the train. The Americans take their respective seats but all three scousers cram into the toilet and close the door behind them.

    Shortly after the train departs, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the toilet door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The Americans saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So, on the return trip, the Americans decide to copy the scousers on the return trip and save some money. When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the scousers don't buy a ticket at all. "How are you going to travel without a ticket," asks one perplexed American. "Watch" says a scouser.

    When they board the train the three Americans cram into a toilet and the three scousers cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the scousers leaves his toilet and walks over to the toilet where the Americans are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please".


    i really need to find another joke.
    Racist.
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    Physics Joke:

    What is a Quark?

    Spoiler:
    Show
    A Posh Duck
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    (Original post by nuttygirl)
    And the back of his anorak was leaping up and down, and people were chucking money to him. I said, 'Do you earn a living doing that?' He said, 'Yes, this is my livelihood.'
    Ha... that's brilliant; I actually really did laugh out loud!
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    a woman walks into a bar and sees a man, he has a drink of his beer and jummps out the window and fly round the building, the woman walks over and says how did you do that, he said it is this magic beer watch. so he has another drink and shows her, do you whant a go miss he says so she has a drink, jumps out the window and falls 60 ft, the barman look out the window and says superman you are such a ******* when your drunk
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    Three Scottish builders were working at the Olympics, but alas had no tickets for the events themselves. Together they decided that they were all going to ensure they get in one way or another. So the first builder picks up a piece of scaffolding, goes up to security and tells them he's in the pole vault, and is allowed through. The second grabs a sledgehammer, walks to security and announces that he is in the hammer throw, and is allowed to pass. The third one picks up some wire mesh and, upon being questioned by security, confidently declares that he's participating in the fencing...
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    3 people die - a blonde, a brunette and a redhead
    to get to heaven they have to listen to 100 jokes and if they laugh at any they go straight to hell
    redhead goes 1st does quite well - get to 20 then laughs and goes to hell
    brunette does a bit better and gets to 30
    blonde gets all the way to 99, and laughs, and god says "awww! you were doing so well, but why did you laugh now? that joke was no funnier than the rest"
    blonde replies laughing "i just got the 1st joke"
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    (Original post by Taemon)
    Ha... that's brilliant; I actually really did laugh out loud!
    :five: thanks for the rep
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    A horse walks into a bar, the barman says to the horse "hey buddy, why the long face?"

    The horse looks melancholic and says "I've just got back from the hospital. I have AIDS."
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    What do you call a polar bear with no ears?














    Anything you want - he can't hear you!
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    What's the difference between a Jew and a Pizza?

    A jew is a person of jewish faith. A pizza is an italian round-bread, usually topped with cheese and tomatoes.
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    Oh, I forgot this one. A man passes another who is carrying a long pole. The first man asks him "Are you a Pole Vaulter?". The second replies, "No, I'm a German, but how did you know my name was Walter?"
 
 
 
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