Pregnant and Homeless

2 weeks ago I found out I was pregnant. I am about 2months gone. I honestly have no idea what to do, this is a complete nightmare. I'm still young (18), don't have a secure job etc. But the main reason being my family. I come from a very strict religious background and my mother has always said she'd throw me and my sister out if we ever did anything "stupid" (i.e. sex outside of marriage, getting pregnant). I know she means it. I haven't told anyone about this and right now I couldn't feel any worse. I honestly feel suicidal.

The only thing stopping me is knowing I'm carrying a child. I can't make more of a mess.

So I have no where to live, I'll be on the streets and pregnant. I have no money so there's no way I could buy food, let alone housing.

I don't know what to achieve posting this, I just need advice from people my own age. I do not trust any of my friends to tell them this.

I haven't told the father either. He is my current boyfriend and has been on Holiday for a month. He loves me so much and the worst part is I don't feel nearly the same. The one man I have really loved died 3 months ago in a car crash and I don't think I'll ever get over him. I have no money, my family will disown me.

I know it would appear to solve all my problems but having an abortion is the worst thing I could do. Honestly I'd rather kill myself. I am strongly against them and living with the guilt would be too much.

I just can't believe this has happened to me. I was on the pill but since the car crash my minds been all over the place and I've been forgetting to take them. I am also on Citalopram (anti depressants) and ran out a few weeks ago, and decided to come off them. Not the smartest idea and this could contribute to my extreme depression.

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Reply 1

Lalli

aw hun first of all a big hug

you're not alone, theres plent of help you can get; you need to get in touch with your council and see if you can get somewhere to live and some help in seeing what sort of benefits are available to you.

BUT talk to your parents first, and see what they say, you never know they might support you, how long can they stay angry for, and you must tell the father as hes just as responsible and you shouldnt take the blame only.

hope it works out 4 u

Reply 2

philjw

If your parents' religion means anything to them, they'll want to do the best for you and your child. I'd sit down with them, talk it through honestly, admit you've made a mess of things and ask them to forgive you and help you through it. Leaving home or having an abortion are much worse options.

Reply 3

Zerforax

If you go to your local Citizen advice bureau they can probably go through options such as housing, benefits, help etc

Benefits?

An 8 week old embryo (yes, that is what it is, not yet a foetus and by no means a child or baby) is really not worth you wrecking your life. Please, re consider abortion.

Reply 6

Anonymous #2

please do not abort ....i know things look dim at the moment but God will make a way, where there seems to be no way

Reply 7

Anonymous #2

Just tell your mum im sure she will be angry at first but if she is a good christian, she should forgive you and alow you to stay

Reply 8

thecaterpillar

I agree with other posters - if you can, tell your parents. Explain where your head is at, explain that you understand it wasn't the best situation to get into. A lot of people are much more forgiving than they think they are going to be in this sort of situation.

There are people who can help you about this and give you good, practical advice. Try seeing your doctor who can help if you're depressed, and give you advice about what options you have. You could always look to find adoptive parents who will adopt the baby at birth.

I totally understand your views on abortion - I don't think whatever the situation I would be able to go through with it, so that's completely up to you, and if you don't consider it an option, then it doesn't have to be.

Perhaps consider talking to your boyfriend and his family. Remember that he has some responsibility for the child as well, regardless of how you feel about him, and he may want to be involved - and hey, that could turn out for the best for you. If you get on with his parents, try talking to them. If there's a teacher, talk to them. Even ring the Samaritans if you're feeling hopeless - just feeling that there's someone listening might help you.

Good luck. :] I hope it turns out alright.

Reply 9

Sapphire_Eyes

right sweety best thing to do is with a meditor to sit down with your parents seperate to the father and talk to them. If they do the horrible thing then, apply and get your name down and apply for benfits as harsh as it is, you got 7months to come round.

Then sit down with the father and see what he says, regardless he is 50% responsible.

You should also get some conuselling for the behervement as well.

*HUGS* dont worry theres always other options to abortion :hugs:

Reply 10

3dnut

why's everyone assuming op is christian? she never specified which religion, but this matters imo to how your parents may react. what religion is it?

Reply 11

Charlski

I know it will be very, very difficult, but you have to tell someone. Your mum may not want to hear it, but she is probably the best person to tell. If you do choose this, then please, please don't argue with your mum - if she shouts at you, let her. If she calls you stupid or whatever, let her. Just don't make the situation any worse for yourself by arguing with her. Accept what she says - I know that's hard, but try it. I promise you'll get a much better reception from her if you don't argue, and you listen to whatever she has to say.

Good luck x

Reply 12

Kittten

You definatly don't need to end up on the streets, there are plenty of options before that.
Firstly, speak to your parents. They have a while to come round.
Second, speak to the boyfriend. Can you live with him / his family while you finish your education and get a job? He / his parents might be able to help you with the baby even if you can't live with them.
You say you've considered abortion, so I wont say much on this other than to add that you need to do what you think is right. Don't be talked into something you will regret, but try not to rule it out just because you've been told it's wrong. Have a good think about it (which I'm sure you have, speak to bf if possible) and if you can't abort then don't, it certainly wont help your depression.
Speak to your docter about anti depressants, especially to see if / how they may have affected your pregnancy. You should try to get back onto them, or speak to your docter about reducing the dosage slowly, coming straight off into a stressful situation is not the idea situation for you or your pregnancy. The docter may also be able to advise a councillor for you to help you with the grief, depression and stress.
Have you considered adoption? Found this website googling http://www.afth.org/pregnant/index.html you could try emailing them for advice. Would you're parents have you back if you told everyone you were going travelling on a gap year and actually went off and had the child adopted? It's something that happens in novels, so (although it would be terrible for you) it might be possible in real life.
Do you have any grandparents / aunts and uncles who could help you? You need to speak to someone if you don't think you can trust anyone you know, speak to a teacher at school and they'll be able to put you in contact with someone who can help. If you aren't at school you could try calling a helpline. Not sure what which would be most suitable, but there are lots (and I think they're listed in a stickey at the top of the H&R page).
Incase all else fails, speak to the citizens advice buro (better sooner rather than later). http://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/ They will advise you about speaking to the council to help you find somewhere to live and get benifits if nothing else works out. Please remember, YOU DO NOT NEED TO END UP ON THE STREETS, there are plenty of people and organisations who can help you. Google for womens help charities or something, and I'm sure plenty of hits will come up.
Good luck.
P.S. Don't let the stupid comments get you down. Unexpected things happen, it's how you deal with them which is important.

Reply 13

King4eva

Charlski

How about, next time you don't have anything useful to contribute, not contributing at all?

I know it will be very, very difficult, but you have to tell someone. Your mum may not want to hear it, but she is probably the best person to tell. If you do choose this, then please, please don't argue with your mum - if she shouts at you, let her. If she calls you stupid or whatever, let her. Just don't make the situation any worse for yourself by arguing with her. Accept what she says - I know that's hard, but try it. I promise you'll get a much better reception from her if you don't argue, and you listen to whatever she has to say.

Good luck x

everything she said

Reply 14

DominF

For crying out loud, don't feed the trolls...

Sorry to hear you're having such a hard time, OP. Don't be pressured to abort by anyone on here, you've made your choice there. Listen to the (few) helpful posts above saying where you can find help; there definitely are places you can go in this sort of situation. I'd tell your parents, too, it'll become obvious sooner or later and the sooner they know the better.

Reply 15

WOLLSMOTH

I'm sure the welfare state will look after you.

Reply 16

FlushTheSystem

OP,

sometimes you have to think with your brain and not your heart. It's still early and having an abortion wouldn't be seen as murder at all (if that's why you are feeling guilty). Having a child now wouldn't be in it's best interests.

Anyway, I think you should talk some professional body- i.e. the CB or the law centre or even your GP (like some people have mentioned before).

You have to tell your boyfriend as well.

Applying for a council house also seems like a good step.

After having done all this, you should tell your mother. You migh be surprised as she might be helpful. If she reacts as you thought she would have, it wouldn't be so bad because you have back ups.

Reply 17

King4eva

DominF

thank you...... dont listen to those telling you to abort, it is up to you. Dont let anyone pressure you into doing something you dont want to do.

Reply 18

shivangee

first of all i am really truly sorry for the situation you are in. I would firstly recommended you telling your parents hiding it is much if you are unable to do it on your own ask your boyfriend or a friend to sit with you when you tell them. Say to them you are really really sorry, you dont want to consider abortion. see what they say then. I would recommend you have the child then put it up for adoption or ask parents to help you look after the child or ask the boyfriend as its his responsibility to. hope everything works out for you. You will not be left homeless or on the streets there are benefits and lots of people who can help you out there go to your local council or somewhere were you can get help on your situation. I really hope everything works out for you.
=]

Reply 19