I have serious resentment towards my family. Should i move out?

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JonathanWick
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#1
Report Thread starter 5 months ago
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I'm not a great story teller but i really want to share my story and know what are the responses like. Here goes.

I have an older and younger brother. When we were younger, we used to be a very happy family. My dad would still occasionally come and care for us if we are down, me and my brothers would still talk, we would still gather in the same bed room and cuddle then only go to sleep. As we grow older, things just turned bad. My dad lost his job and I personally thinks that he changed a lot. My brothers became trash that i hate so much.

I really hate both of my brothers a lot. Towards the extend i really want them dead. I especially hate my younger brother. I get that words and thoughts like these are not healthy but to be a family and to have that kind of thoughts, ofcourse there will be a good deal of negative things they did that made me this way.

My younger brother was really kind and lovely before he turned 15. When he turned 15, he started cussing and talking back to parents. I was in the same high school and i know it's because the friends he gang with. Since young he is already very lazy but I didn't hate him for it that time because there is still other side to love. But as he grew older, he broke almost all the house rules and slowly my resentment grows. I would say that my parents made me hate them so much as well for not doing anything but let's just focus on my brother first for now. I've read forums and found out some people have the same situation as me. Basically my brother just don't care about this house. He never do house chores. Imagine going into a bathroom where tiles grew mold and have dead cockroaches laying there until the corpses got diminished by microorganism. Disgusting? There's worse. They pile up their sweaty clothes on the floor causing bad smell and cockroaches to come. They never wipe the table after a meal even though there are sauces and juices on it. They never pick up the food scrumps in the basin after washing dishes. Sometimes they don't even wash dish and leave it there until my mom washes it. There are so many things to list out. And this has been going on for almost 20 years. When my dad lost his job, we tried cutting down on cost but brothers never cooperate. They turn on their air con 24/7, they never turn off some electric power switches, they turn on the lights even though it's in the morning with good sunlight. Basically they don't care about the family. On the other side, I have to do everything because i don't want my parents to suffer. My dad is the kind of person to rage when seeing the house messy so i have to keep things clean especially when he lost his job the emotion swing is crazy. For all these years, I have been really mad and yelling at them to do the correct stuff for the family but they would just do the opposite. Same goes for my elder brother now is 24 but still dont know how to see what is the correct thing to do.

I guess house chores stuff more or less they will have some issue. I was very furious initially but then i just have to compromise. But what is next is smtg i can't compromise. Every family has it's own house rule. The main house rule of my family is that we have a curfew of 12am, no drinking outside, no smoking. Smoking is definitely a no but curfew and drinking have to get permission. My younger brother broke all of it. He was just 17 and he was rebelling even before that. This one day he came back home at 3am vomitting outside of the house. He told when i question him. Are you kidding? My parents didn't do anything. He broke all the damn rules yet you do nothing? Then what are the rules for? This is not the first time anyway, it's just the one that i think it's more serious because his friends were drinking as well and sending him home is dangerous considering his friends drank some as well. My brother then break alot of rules and rebel alot. He now leave the house without saying what time he will be coming home or going anywhere. Asking him will get you an attitude.

When things started to get intense between me and my brothers, we split rooms for more privacy. My younger brother never sleep in his room but in the living room. My parents are worried and gave him their master bedroom with the customize bed for my parent's back pain and my parents took his room with no back support double decker. At times i saw my parents sleeping on the floor. I am just so mad. I gave up my room to my younger brother and ask my parents to move back. And i got scolded for it. Another thing is also my parents gave us brothers each a credit card merely for petrol purposes and my brother used it to buy branded clothes and stuff. He starts spending money he don't have. Buying IphoneX, buying branded shirt, buying shoes. And when my parents found out about it they still did nothing.

There are alot of things that i can talk on and on about my brothers. But basically is that my parents never give any sort of punishment. And i suffer the most because if i got caught up and do what they do, my parents would suffer more. But not doing anything is not working out as well. I did tried to talk to my parents. My mom is the type of person that never wants to admit she is wrong. Every argument she is losing, she always say that she is wrong and i am right sarcastically and avoid further discussion. My dad is the more mature one but he never did what i suggested. My resentment grows more and more as my parents dont punish them. They know i care about them a lot if not why would i ask for a serious talk. But i dont think they understand how much hatred i have for them and my siblings. I have to keep cool with my parents because i dont hate them, i only hate what they did and did not do. I love them a lot. But i can't stand my brothers getting away with everything and parents not doing anything. It's giving me more and more resentment and hatred. Everytime i walk past my brother i am just waiting for an opportunity for them to bump into me so that i can beat the **** out of them.

Just recently i started thinking of moving out seriously. I am still in University. 2 more years to go. My main concern is not money. I do have money borrowed from government to fund my study but i have scholarship so the money is just in the bank for emergency. I dont think i will ask for a permission to move out but telling them with respect so that they respect my decision. My main concern is still my parents considering they are living with two idiots that dont care about them. Also my dog won't have anyone to walk him if im gone. I want to stay for my parents and dog, but i dont want to stay because my resentment is affecting me to live in peace with them. Can someone please open up my mind.
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jackien1
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Report 5 months ago
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I'd leave. You clearly don't get the respect you should be getting for the things you do, and are being treated very unfairly. Live for yourself, not for anyone else, even family. Maybe you leaving will knock some goddamn sense into them.

Also, it seems like things might get physical.
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JonathanWick
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Report Thread starter 4 months ago
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(Original post by jackien1)
I'd leave. You clearly don't get the respect you should be getting for the things you do, and are being treated very unfairly. Live for yourself, not for anyone else, even family. Maybe you leaving will knock some goddamn sense into them.

Also, it seems like things might get physical.
Ah i see. Still very hesitant but really can't stand my brothers any longer.
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Anonymous #1
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Report 4 months ago
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This is just be my personal opinion but to be honest I think you seem quite petty I mean my sister comes home really late(or should I say early) and doesn’t clean or anything like that or turn off the light and so on even though we don’t have much money but I don’t hate her for it, I just think your reaction is very extreme...
My sister is 22btw
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markova21
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Everyone has a different temperament and personality type. Maybe your siblings are just naturally untidy people. Me and my son are both naturally untidy. We can't help it, it's just the way we are. But I would be sad indeed to think a family member hated me because of it. It's only mess and untidiness at the end of the day. There are far, far more important things to get worked up about. As for giving your siblings money to buy things. If your parents want to give them things and money maybe they think they need a bit more help and support financially than you?
Last edited by markova21; 4 months ago
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JonathanWick
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Report Thread starter 3 months ago
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Well i did think of those things as in they are just untidy people but still i cant accept it. This has something to do with hygiene and my parents the last thing i want is my parents to get sick. Saying you didnt wash a plate properly or didnt clean up some stain causes lizard that could roam around and pee anywhr. Just what if my parents got affected by it? And my dad has a lot of stress on his job and he doesnt like seeing the house messy so seeing it will make his mood swing n stuff. So for me im just trying to car for my parents that's all. Again even to you all let's say these are things that are not important, but using parent's credit card without permission to buy branded clothes and shoes, declining all parents call, scolding parents, smoking, drinking, are those also alright to you all? Well to some family and culture yes. I'm Asian and yes, majority of asian family will have the same family rules. We are not as open so drinking, smoking and having pre marriage sex are not something common or usual in our culture. Day and day my hatred just grew more and more, and i hate my parents for not doing anything as in punishing them for violating house rules. What for the rules are made for then? I hate my parents for when i try to care for them by bringing up the issue, they will recognize it as me trying to make problem instead of seeing it as me caring. I'm so done. Thank god im leaving.
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JonathanWick
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Report Thread starter 3 months ago
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(Original post by Anonymous)
This is just be my personal opinion but to be honest I think you seem quite petty I mean my sister comes home really late(or should I say early) and doesn’t clean or anything like that or turn off the light and so on even though we don’t have much money but I don’t hate her for it, I just think your reaction is very extreme...
My sister is 22btw
Different family has different rules but it's not like if the curfew is 12am then yeah you must come back before 12am everyday. Ofcouse i understand there is emergency or somedays you just want to hangout longer with friends. But at least TELL. My brothers dont inform anything. When my parents ask about whereabouts, they just decline the call. Come home when my parents ask then they will scold them. Don't see it as something "NORMAL" or being extreme cuz it's subjective in different families. My brothers just take keys, leave. No infos on where are they going, when are they coming back, are they eating dinner or lunch or whatsoever. So sometimes my mom would get scolded for not cooking for them but sometimes when my mom cook they wont eat. They are straight up *****.
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