I've never wanted to wear a hijab. I was forced to wear it by a parent when I was a kid. Now I'm in my late twenties and the parent who forced is no longer around, my other parent doesn't care if I wear it or not, my sisters no longer wear it, I wish I was as brave as them they are sill in touch with people from the past who know they used to wear a hijab. It's my choice, I'm graduating from uni this year (I know I started uni later than most people) and plan on not wearing a hijab after graduating. I only wear it when I go out anyway. I just don't feel the need to wear it. I dress modestly and that isn't going to change after I take the hijab off. I've wanted to not wear it for years but I was worried about what others would say like at college then uni. They'd be like she used to wear a hijab and now she doesn't etc. I don't care what people think but i don't want to be talked about like that. That's why I'm waiting to graduate first. I won't ever see anyone from school, college or uni again because I'm not keeping in touch with anyone.
I'm just worried, I'm a germaphobe and don't want people breathing/coughing on my hair in public or touching my hair and I also have a short hairline by my forehead which makes it look longer than it actually is. I do have fringes that I cut myself. I kind of messed it up. I'm waiting to grow them out and get them my hair cut professionally from the hairdressers when they're open.
I'm so nervous, the last time i didn't wear a hijab in public was in primary school which was over 15 years ago. I just don't feel the need to wear a scarf, I can be modest without it. I'm also worried about people staring at me. Now I wear a hijab and get so many people staring at me, especially guys. I'm worried I'll get even more attention than I already do. I don't get what is so fascinating about me. I'm just average looking not extremely pretty like they're acting like.
I just don't feel a connection or anything with wearing a hijab, I just feel like I'm being restricted with it. I don't wear it for religious reasons anyway, I was forced to and kept wearing it cos of being a germaphobe, anxiety and I'm an introvert. The hijab made helped to hide and be invisible to others. I know I need to change that especially if I want to meet someone some day which I haven't ever yet. I can't hide behind the hijab anymore. I need to let it go.