Please help - Was I sexually abused/assaulted?

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 year ago
#1
Long story short, both of my parents were extremely violent and abusive. I just thought they were physically, verbally and emotionally abusive, up until recently.

When angry, my mother would sometimes push me up against something (usually a wall) with her hands on my boobs (I was in my late teens) instead of being physically violent. She would get in my face and press her lips up against mine really hard (this is probably the thing that most upsets me and makes me feel sick) and scream at me too. She would also frequently walk into my bedroom or the bathroom when I was naked and would occasionally smack my behind if I told her to go out or knock first (I was 18/19 whilst she was still doing this). However, I don't think she did it with sexual intent. I can think of several other instances where I feel she was possibly sexually abusive, but these are the ones I'm most confused about. Am I overreacting? I understand that it's really minor, but I can't stop thinking about it and it turns my stomach and makes me uncomfortable. I'm also scared of the idea of kissing anyone (I haven't had my first kiss) because I'm scared that it'll feel like when my mother pushed her mouth against mine. I'm also scared and back away when anyone puts their face near mine. It is automatic to cover my mouth with my hand. I am also disgusted by my body and any future sexual/intimate relationship with a future partner scares me, even hugging.

I don't know if I'm just being dramatic and over the top, but I can't stop thinking about it and I feel sick and disgusted at myself when I think about it because I can't stop thinking about it and it makes me feel bad and guilty. I have seen a therapist for a few years and will be seeing one again in September when I go to uni, but is this something I should bring up, as it's really affecting me and makes me confused, or am I just being dramatic? I know other people go through a lot worse, but it just upsets, angers and disturbs me. I'm sorry for wasting anyone's time, but I just couldn't stop thinking about it tonight encase I'm being over the top. Any advice/feedback would be appreciated, as I feel like I'm going mad and getting upset over nothing. Thanks <3
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bambi1425
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#2
Report 1 year ago
#2
bring it up! if it's affecting you especially.

you're also not being over the top, if it affects you it affects you and even if it didn't, I'd still think it's sexual abuse of some sort??

I hope your therapist at uni can help you
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--Student
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#3
Report 1 year ago
#3
I'm unsure as to whether it would be considered sexual assault, however what your mother did is very abnormal behaviour.
This is definitely something you should bring up during therapy as it sounds like it's affecting you a great amount.
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Anonymous #2
#4
Report 1 year ago
#4
You’d should definitely bring it up. Can I just say this one thing to you? DO NOT belittle your experience. What happened to you was inappropriate and was assault. You did not consent to it and it was a disgusting invasion of your body and privacy. You are not over reacting. And no, you don’t understand that it’s minor because it isn’t minor. Don’t say things like that. It is major and it is majorly affecting you and how you view yourself and physically intimate relationships now. Please remember that for me, what you experienced is not minor. So don’t say things like and belittle your own experience. You should really bring it up and hopefully you can get advice and help on how to work through this so that you can view yourself, your body and physical relationships in a positive light. I wish you all the best and hope you get the support you need and deserve <3
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ThatGuy89
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#5
Report 1 year ago
#5
(Original post by Anonymous)
Long story short, both of my parents were extremely violent and abusive. I just thought they were physically, verbally and emotionally abusive, up until recently.

When angry, my mother would sometimes push me up against something (usually a wall) with her hands on my boobs (I was in my late teens) instead of being physically violent. She would get in my face and press her lips up against mine really hard (this is probably the thing that most upsets me and makes me feel sick) and scream at me too. She would also frequently walk into my bedroom or the bathroom when I was naked and would occasionally smack my behind if I told her to go out or knock first (I was 18/19 whilst she was still doing this). However, I don't think she did it with sexual intent. I can think of several other instances where I feel she was possibly sexually abusive, but these are the ones I'm most confused about. Am I overreacting? I understand that it's really minor, but I can't stop thinking about it and it turns my stomach and makes me uncomfortable. I'm also scared of the idea of kissing anyone (I haven't had my first kiss) because I'm scared that it'll feel like when my mother pushed her mouth against mine. I'm also scared and back away when anyone puts their face near mine. It is automatic to cover my mouth with my hand. I am also disgusted by my body and any future sexual/intimate relationship with a future partner scares me, even hugging.

I don't know if I'm just being dramatic and over the top, but I can't stop thinking about it and I feel sick and disgusted at myself when I think about it because I can't stop thinking about it and it makes me feel bad and guilty. I have seen a therapist for a few years and will be seeing one again in September when I go to uni, but is this something I should bring up, as it's really affecting me and makes me confused, or am I just being dramatic? I know other people go through a lot worse, but it just upsets, angers and disturbs me. I'm sorry for wasting anyone's time, but I just couldn't stop thinking about it tonight encase I'm being over the top. Any advice/feedback would be appreciated, as I feel like I'm going mad and getting upset over nothing. Thanks <3
From a legal perspective the person doing the grabbing/slapping needs to get sexual gratification from the act, sorry to be so clinical. I would echo previous posts, if its something that's effecting you please take the time to see/speak to someone about it. Dont let it stew.
1
Anonymous #1
#6
Report Thread starter 1 year ago
#6
(Original post by bambi1425)
bring it up! if it's affecting you especially.

you're also not being over the top, if it affects you it affects you and even if it didn't, I'd still think it's sexual abuse of some sort??

I hope your therapist at uni can help you
Thank you. I just feel like I'm over the top or fantasizing about it (I know deep down that I'm definitely not, but I'm just so confused) because I can't stop thinking about it. I just feel disgusted with myself. Thanks for your response x
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Anonymous #1
#7
Report Thread starter 1 year ago
#7
(Original post by --Student)
I'm unsure as to whether it would be considered sexual assault, however what your mother did is very abnormal behaviour.
This is definitely something you should bring up during therapy as it sounds like it's affecting you a great amount.
Thank you. I just didn't know whether to bring it up because I didn't know if I was being dramatic. And thank you. Your reply helped a lot. I think it will help speaking to a therapist about it, at least to try and be less confused about it x
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Anonymous #1
#8
Report Thread starter 1 year ago
#8
(Original post by Anonymous)
Thank you. I just feel like I'm over the top or fantasizing about it (I know deep down that I'm definitely not, but I'm just so confused) because I can't stop thinking about it. I just feel disgusted with myself. Thanks for your response x
P.S I love your profile pic! I'm a HUGE Harry Potter fan
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Anonymous #1
#9
Report Thread starter 1 year ago
#9
(Original post by Anonymous)
You’d should definitely bring it up. Can I just say this one thing to you? DO NOT belittle your experience. What happened to you was inappropriate and was assault. You did not consent to it and it was a disgusting invasion of your body and privacy. You are not over reacting. And no, you don’t understand that it’s minor because it isn’t minor. Don’t say things like that. It is major and it is majorly affecting you and how you view yourself and physically intimate relationships now. Please remember that for me, what you experienced is not minor. So don’t say things like and belittle your own experience. You should really bring it up and hopefully you can get advice and help on how to work through this so that you can view yourself, your body and physical relationships in a positive light. I wish you all the best and hope you get the support you need and deserve <3
Thank you. Reading this helped a lot. I felt like I was overreacting and being a bad daughter for thinking badly of my mother because she's sometimes very nice and loving and affectionate, but most of the time she's not. Lately, I have realized that this is a form of manipulation (whether intentional or unintentional) because I feel bad for being angry and upset about what she's done because she had a hard time with relationships, too, but then she'll go and do something nasty/abusive. Thank you so much for your help and reassurance x
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Anonymous #1
#10
Report Thread starter 1 year ago
#10
(Original post by ThatGuy89)
From a legal perspective the person doing the grabbing/slapping needs to get sexual gratification from the act, sorry to be so clinical. I would echo previous posts, if its something that's effecting you please take the time to see/speak to someone about it. Dont let it stew.
They don't have to get sexual gratification (I'm from a family of lawyers, here), but I know that much of UK law is based on INTENT (e.g if someone pinches someones ass without permission it's assault because they intended to touch you and they don't need gratification, particularly as it's impossible to prove) and I don't think there was sexual intent, though. Thank you for your reply, though. It helps to know that it would be worth talking to someone. Thank you for your help x
0
Anonymous #2
#11
Report 1 year ago
#11
(Original post by Anonymous)
Thank you. Reading this helped a lot. I felt like I was overreacting and being a bad daughter for thinking badly of my mother because she's sometimes very nice and loving and affectionate, but most of the time she's not. Lately, I have realized that this is a form of manipulation (whether intentional or unintentional) because I feel bad for being angry and upset about what she's done because she had a hard time with relationships, too, but then she'll go and do something nasty/abusive. Thank you so much for your help and reassurance x
No problem x it’s good that you are beginning to accept and recognise this yes, her being living and kind is a form of manipulation. It’s called love bombing. Emotional abusers normally use it to lure their victims into a false sense of security and to even make the victims doubt themselves as they begin to ask questions like ‘they’re being nice now, maybe I’m over reacting?’ And ‘see, really they’re just a nice person who has bad moments. Maybe I’m the problem?’. Don’t fall into that trap. It’s good to see that you haven’t. I wish you all the best <3
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Anonymous #1
#12
Report Thread starter 1 year ago
#12
(Original post by Anonymous)
No problem x it’s good that you are beginning to accept and recognise this yes, her being living and kind is a form of manipulation. It’s called love bombing. Emotional abusers normally use it to lure their victims into a false sense of security and to even make the victims doubt themselves as they begin to ask questions like ‘they’re being nice now, maybe I’m over reacting?’ And ‘see, really they’re just a nice person who has bad moments. Maybe I’m the problem?’. Don’t fall into that trap. It’s good to see that you haven’t. I wish you all the best <3
Those are exactly the kind of thoughts I had. I moved out and lived with a friend for a while, but came back out of guilt because she was acting apologetic (though she never apologized) and upset. Then, she went back to being nasty and abusive. I fell into that trap and have only just gotten out of it. Thank you for explaining it and giving examples of the thoughts because I thought I was just crazy. It really really helps. Thank you
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Anonymous #2
#13
Report 1 year ago
#13
(Original post by Anonymous)
Those are exactly the kind of thoughts I had. I moved out and lived with a friend for a while, but came back out of guilt because she was acting apologetic (though she never apologized) and upset. Then, she went back to being nasty and abusive. I fell into that trap and have only just gotten out of it. Thank you for explaining it and giving examples of the thoughts because I thought I was just crazy. It really really helps. Thank you
You’re welcome. I was in a situation where I had an emotionally abusive parent. I always thought I was the problem but once I educated myself about types of abuse and the techniques that people use to manipulate you, I found that I because ‘immune’ to them in a way. Her live bombing and guilt tripping stopped working when I realised it was a trap and it was just a technique.
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ANM775
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#14
Report 1 year ago
#14
(Original post by Anonymous)
Long story short, both of my parents were extremely violent and abusive. I just thought they were physically, verbally and emotionally abusive, up until recently.

When angry, my mother would sometimes push me up against something (usually a wall) with her hands on my boobs (I was in my late teens) instead of being physically violent. She would get in my face and press her lips up against mine really hard (this is probably the thing that most upsets me and makes me feel sick) and scream at me too. She would also frequently walk into my bedroom or the bathroom when I was naked and would occasionally smack my behind if I told her to go out or knock first (I was 18/19 whilst she was still doing this). However, I don't think she did it with sexual intent. I can think of several other instances where I feel she was possibly sexually abusive, but these are the ones I'm most confused about. Am I overreacting? I understand that it's really minor, but I can't stop thinking about it and it turns my stomach and makes me uncomfortable. I'm also scared of the idea of kissing anyone (I haven't had my first kiss) because I'm scared that it'll feel like when my mother pushed her mouth against mine. I'm also scared and back away when anyone puts their face near mine. It is automatic to cover my mouth with my hand. I am also disgusted by my body and any future sexual/intimate relationship with a future partner scares me, even hugging.

I don't know if I'm just being dramatic and over the top, but I can't stop thinking about it and I feel sick and disgusted at myself when I think about it because I can't stop thinking about it and it makes me feel bad and guilty. I have seen a therapist for a few years and will be seeing one again in September when I go to uni, but is this something I should bring up, as it's really affecting me and makes me confused, or am I just being dramatic? I know other people go through a lot worse, but it just upsets, angers and disturbs me. I'm sorry for wasting anyone's time, but I just couldn't stop thinking about it tonight encase I'm being over the top. Any advice/feedback would be appreciated, as I feel like I'm going mad and getting upset over nothing. Thanks <3
at first i was not sure

but i'm going to go with yes, for the simple fact that if it was your father doing these things i honestly think the courts would class it as sexual assault
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bunnyrabbit2
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#15
Report 1 year ago
#15
It was assault but don't report her for it. She is your Mother and you shouldn't report your own parent. As for was it sexual assault, that depends on her intent.
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Henry 8
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#16
Report 3 months ago
#16
Yes
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Henry 8
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#17
Report 3 months ago
#17
(Original post by Anonymous)
Long story short, both of my parents were extremely violent and abusive. I just thought they were physically, verbally and emotionally abusive, up until recently.

When angry, my mother would sometimes push me up against something (usually a wall) with her hands on my boobs (I was in my late teens) instead of being physically violent. She would get in my face and press her lips up against mine really hard (this is probably the thing that most upsets me and makes me feel sick) and scream at me too. She would also frequently walk into my bedroom or the bathroom when I was naked and would occasionally smack my behind if I told her to go out or knock first (I was 18/19 whilst she was still doing this). However, I don't think she did it with sexual intent. I can think of several other instances where I feel she was possibly sexually abusive, but these are the ones I'm most confused about. Am I overreacting? I understand that it's really minor, but I can't stop thinking about it and it turns my stomach and makes me uncomfortable. I'm also scared of the idea of kissing anyone (I haven't had my first kiss) because I'm scared that it'll feel like when my mother pushed her mouth against mine. I'm also scared and back away when anyone puts their face near mine. It is automatic to cover my mouth with my hand. I am also disgusted by my body and any future sexual/intimate relationship with a future partner scares me, even hugging.

I don't know if I'm just being dramatic and over the top, but I can't stop thinking about it and I feel sick and disgusted at myself when I think about it because I can't stop thinking about it and it makes me feel bad and guilty. I have seen a therapist for a few years and will be seeing one again in September when I go to uni, but is this something I should bring up, as it's really affecting me and makes me confused, or am I just being dramatic? I know other people go through a lot worse, but it just upsets, angers and disturbs me. I'm sorry for wasting anyone's time, but I just couldn't stop thinking about it tonight encase I'm being over the top. Any advice/feedback would be appreciated, as I feel like I'm going mad and getting upset over nothing. Thanks <3
Its worth remembering that 10% of Paedophiles are female.
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