My parents won’t let me move out for uni

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 2 weeks ago
#1
So I start uni next september and i know there’s NO WAY my parents are gonna let me stay in accommodation or move out, the thing is I can’t stay at home tho. My parents are so toxic and controlling, I’m not allowed out to see my friends or get a job or anything.

My older sister was forced to stay at home for uni and I’ve just been watching her make no friends and waste her life cus she’s not allowed out, I refuse to be like that.

I was thinking of moving out behind my parents back? The thing is I don’t know if this is possible? And I have no one to give me advice on HOW to apply for accommodation etc.

I have no money since i don’t have a job but I know that I’ll be receiving the max amount of loan cus I have a lot of family issues and I’ll be a priority 😭😭

I can take a beating and disownal I honestly don’t care I just need to leave and uni seems like the only way I’m rlly desperate 😭 Thank you if anyone sees this
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Jack2355
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You can always just take the maintenance loan and move out into halls anyway, although I’m not sure how your parents will react, they might not let you back in but that judgement is up to you. If you need help with finding accommodation just call the university and ask to be put through to the accommodation team and explain the situation to them, I’m sure they will be happy to help.
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squeakysquirrel
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So I start uni next september and i know there’s NO WAY my parents are gonna let me stay in accommodation or move out, the thing is I can’t stay at home tho. My parents are so toxic and controlling, I’m not allowed out to see my friends or get a job or anything.

My older sister was forced to stay at home for uni and I’ve just been watching her make no friends and waste her life cus she’s not allowed out, I refuse to be like that.

I was thinking of moving out behind my parents back? The thing is I don’t know if this is possible? And I have no one to give me advice on HOW to apply for accommodation etc.

I have no money since i don’t have a job but I know that I’ll be receiving the max amount of loan cus I have a lot of family issues and I’ll be a priority 😭😭

I can take a beating and disownal I honestly don’t care I just need to leave and uni seems like the only way I’m rlly desperate 😭 Thank you if anyone sees this
You need to speak to student support, student finance and the accomodation people.

Your parents sound awful. You say you can take a beating....... what.... this is 2020 in the UK. You need to leave home. You will get enough money to sustain yourself and you can always get a job to support yourself. Your parents have to realise that their behaviour is not ok.
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Anonymous #2
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You will get maintenance loans and you can always get a part time job at uni for extra support. But you need to get out. They can’t stop you from leaving, just arrange some accommodation and then when your course starts, move out and go into the accommodation. They can’t stop you. And in the end, it will be worth it x
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Anonymous #3
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My parents are the same but at least theyre paying for my uni stuff...

How about... you stay at home and go to uni and then after you finish uni you find a job and be independent?

(Unless you are a muslim, you will be getting married)
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999tigger
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#6
(Original post by Anonymous)
So I start uni next september and i know there’s NO WAY my parents are gonna let me stay in accommodation or move out, the thing is I can’t stay at home tho. My parents are so toxic and controlling, I’m not allowed out to see my friends or get a job or anything.

My older sister was forced to stay at home for uni and I’ve just been watching her make no friends and waste her life cus she’s not allowed out, I refuse to be like that.

I was thinking of moving out behind my parents back? The thing is I don’t know if this is possible? And I have no one to give me advice on HOW to apply for accommodation etc.

I have no money since i don’t have a job but I know that I’ll be receiving the max amount of loan cus I have a lot of family issues and I’ll be a priority 😭😭

I can take a beating and disownal I honestly don’t care I just need to leave and uni seems like the only way I’m rlly desperate 😭 Thank you if anyone sees this
Speak to standalone and then co ordinate with your target uni. It doesnt do any harm to tell either the school or social services. Move straight to uni and then dont go back.
https://www.standalone.org.uk/
You might never speak to your parents again, but it sounds like a toxic atmosphere anyway.
If you co ordinate with uni you can stay there over the vacation.
You should start looking at your things about what you want to keep and what you can do without.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Jack2355)
You can always just take the maintenance loan and move out into halls anyway, although I’m not sure how your parents will react, they might not let you back in but that judgement is up to you. If you need help with finding accommodation just call the university and ask to be put through to the accommodation team and explain the situation to them, I’m sure they will be happy to help.
that sounds like a good idea but i’ve heard you have to place a deposit or something for accommodation?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
My parents are the same but at least theyre paying for my uni stuff...

How about... you stay at home and go to uni and then after you finish uni you find a job and be independent?

(Unless you are a muslim, you will be getting married)
i’m an muslim but the thing is my parents wouldn’t even let me get married they honestly just want me to stay at home forever, my household is so toxic i don’t think i can last staying at home for uni
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
You will get maintenance loans and you can always get a part time job at uni for extra support. But you need to get out. They can’t stop you from leaving, just arrange some accommodation and then when your course starts, move out and go into the accommodation. They can’t stop you. And in the end, it will be worth it x
thank you this sounds like a really good idea, don’t i need my parents to sign stuff tho if i’m applying for accommodation?
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tan030
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if your parents resort you physical assault against you in retaliation, take pictures of any marks, get the police involved and have them arrested

No one in the 21st century should have to 'take a beating' just for seeking independence
Last edited by tan030; 2 weeks ago
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
thank you this sounds like a really good idea, don’t i need my parents to sign stuff tho if i’m applying for accommodation?
I’m not too sure tbh. I’ve never had to apply for finance or accommodation because I didn’t get into uni this year. But ask your university and explain your situation and I’m sure they will help to arrange something where your parents don’t need to sign anything etc
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Anonymous #3
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(Original post by Anonymous)
i’m an muslim but the thing is my parents wouldn’t even let me get married they honestly just want me to stay at home forever, my household is so toxic i don’t think i can last staying at home for uni
Ok, I am muslim too but they want me to get married and I am a guy lol

Dont worry about anything, just go to uni as normal. You dont want to go against your parents whom you might need in the future. Like if you move out, and if something goes wrong and you need family support, you wont have it. I have been through this and trust me, as a muslim guy in the same position as you with 4 other kids in this household (we have a big house tho lol) I would say you should stay at home and go to uni.

After you graduate, take up a job and dont put your parents down. Yes they are toxic, but again... as a guy who ran away once and came back.. they only want whats best for us and they brought us up to be who we are and jannah lies beneath our mothers feet (if youre religious).
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tan030
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(Original post by Anonymous)
i’m an muslim but the thing is my parents wouldn’t even let me get married they honestly just want me to stay at home forever, my household is so toxic i don’t think i can last staying at home for uni
are your parents going to allow you to have a job after uni?
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Mikeeeeey
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(Original post by Anonymous)
thank you this sounds like a really good idea, don’t i need my parents to sign stuff tho if i’m applying for accommodation?
im so sorry that you have to go through this. btw the only thing i would think a bit about is where you would stay for the holidays and the end of your first year because usually they dont let you stay in accommodation for that long as its only around 38-42 weeks stay. at this point people would go home for these holidays so probably just make a plan for what you are gonna do. such as staying with some else in these periods.
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Anonymous #4
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(Original post by tan030)
if your parents resort you physical assault against you in retaliation, take pictures of any marks, get the police involved and have them arrested

No one in the 21st century should have to 'take a beating' just for seeking independence
Just lol if you think the police will do anything...
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tan030
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Just lol if you think the police will do anything...
if you have any evidence of physical harm, it will be taken seriously
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Anonymous #4
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(Original post by tan030)
if you have any evidence of physical harm, it will be taken seriously
The thing is that if your parents are beating you they're unlikely to care about the slap on the wrists the police will give you.
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Muttley79
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(Original post by Anonymous)
thank you this sounds like a really good idea, don’t i need my parents to sign stuff tho if i’m applying for accommodation?
No, you are treated like an adult.
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Darkasmyweave
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(Original post by Anonymous)
thank you this sounds like a really good idea, don’t i need my parents to sign stuff tho if i’m applying for accommodation?
If the lease agreement for the uni starts after you are 18, then no you don't. You're a legal adult, the contract is in your name.
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Muttley79
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(Original post by Mikeeeeey)
im so sorry that you have to go through this. btw the only thing i would think a bit about is where you would stay for the holidays and the end of your first year because usually they dont let you stay in accommodation for that long as its only around 38-42 weeks stay. at this point people would go home for these holidays so probably just make a plan for what you are gonna do. such as staying with some else in these periods.
That's not true - the uni can allow people to stay over the summer.
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